As the new season approaches, one position continues to be a plague on various National Football League franchises. Can you guess what position that is? Go ahead, I'll give you three. And, the last two don't count.

Wide receiver.

Has there ever been a summer where more wideouts league-wide have been less happy? I dare say not. Let's take a quick tour.

Terrell Owens -- Dallas Cowboys

A constant, throbbing toothache has shown no signs of abating despite a new address this year. Everybody knew it was going to end badly. Nobody thought it would be headed toward ending this badly, this quickly. It's obvious from the public postures of coach Bill Parcells and owner Jerry Jones that one guy didn't want him and the other one did.

Hmm... Let's see which is which...

Jerry Jones was at T.O.'s "Welcome to Dallas" presser. Parcells was not.

Jerry Jones says when T.O. is on the field, he'll help win ball games. Parcells says: "I need to actually see him on the field first."

Jerry Jones is more mad at somebody leaking info about T.O.'s fines for tardiness than the oversleeping part in the first place. Bill Parcells is not amused about any of it.

Jerry Jones can't go 2 minutes without defending Terrell Owens. Bill Parcells just refers to him as "the player."

I don't know, but I sense a trend here.

How much better will Owens make the Cowboys at full throttle? My guess is about 10%. Is that worth all of this?

Deion Branch -- New England Patriots

I love how some guys get so unhooked from reality that they end up tearing down a perfect relationship. First, let's be impartial and look at the numbers.

Here's a guy who was a second round draft pick out of college who averages 53 catches and 3.5 touchdowns a year. He has played just one entire 16-game season in his four years as a pro, and he's missed 11 games along the way due to injury.

On top of those mediocre metrics, he's getting perfect passes from the league's premiere quarterback. If he's smart, he'll figure out a way to never, ever, ever be on a team with a passer who isn't named "Brady."

But Deion Branch is not smart. He's a wide receiver. And their reality, is not what you or I would call "real reality."

Branch turned down a deal that would pay him about $6 million a year with the Patriots. He's now been given permission to shop himself to other teams.

How does that usually work out? Not well. Just ask...

Ashley Lelie -- Denver Broncos

OK, here's a guy who has caught even fewer passes and fewer touchdowns than Branch, but decided he was going to hold out all spring and summer for a new deal and assurances that he'd be the "No. 1" wideout under Mike Shanahan.

Needless to say, Coach Mikey (aka "The Rat-faced Dictator") wanted to get rid of him worse than a Paris Hilton wants to get rid of that itch. So here comes Atlanta, eager to get a No. 3 wideout to replace Brian Finneran.

Lelie and his agent agree to the deal, but only after accepting Denver's demand to repay almost $1 million of his signing bonus, prorated salary, and holdout fines. We haven't seen a surrender this Draconian since the deck of the USS Missouri in Tokyo Bay.

Ironically, Lelie's unhappiness was exacerbated by the addition of Javon Walker from the Packers. Another wideout who… no.. wait… wait for it… was UNHAPPY in Green Bay because he wanted a new contract.

Koren Robinson -- Minnesota Vikings

The guy who was supposed to the "next" Torry Holt (thanks to his N.C. State pedigree) has had more problems than Mel Gibson trying to find a new place to buy bagels in Hollywood.

In Seattle, an ugly stew of discipline issues, dropped balls, and drug use washed him out in just four years. Landing with the Vikings he made a Pro Bowl as a kick returner, signed a new $12 million deal and was slated to be the No. 1 wideout in the new Brad Childress regime.

Koren "celebrated" by getting a DUI while being clocked at well over 100 MPH.

"And um, yeah, Koren, we've got a problem here, see. That whole sex boat thing last year. Didn't sit well with the fine folks in Minnesota. We're going to have to let you go."

Mike Williams / Charlie Rodgers -- Detroit Lions

The Matt Millen incompetence watch just keeps adding chapters. These two guys were picked with HIGH first-round picks. Rodgers has already been through the NFL's drug program once and can't stay healthy. Williams, meanwhile, has a sense of entitlement that has just about frayed the last nerve of patience with the Lions' brass.

One or both could conceivably be CUT by the Friday night deadline.

Let's review...

Wide receivers a fun to watch and a vital component of every football team. When one of them streaks under a 50-yard spiral and streaks to the end zone, it truly does make hearts sing.

But, you know what?

There's no such thing as a "franchise wide receiver." Just like there's not an Easter Bunny, Santa Clause or Great Pumpkin.

Franchise quarterback? Of course.

Franchise running back? Certainly.

Franchise linebacker, in some cases, yes.

Not wide receiver. They are the cute tail, not the dog.

So, my humble advice to NFL teams fretting over not having a "star" wide receiver? Count your blessings. They are like dating a supermodel. It seems like paradise at first, but then once you've dealt the chain-smoking, suspected "second boyfriends," eating disorders and conversational emptiness -- it just ain't that fun anymore.

4 comments about this article. Post a comment / write a review.

Recent Talkbacks ...

Posted by OMCreader on Aug. 31, 2006 at 9:28 p.m. (report)

jason said: best article ever read about greed! how much do you need if its agents cut then get acheaper one! get the big money and then not perform or god forbid get hurt aka(antonio freeman!!!!!) packers forever!!

Posted by OMCreader on Aug. 31, 2006 at 8:33 a.m. (report)

Sperber said: Perfectly put.....

Posted by OMCreader on Aug. 31, 2006 at 12:35 a.m. (report)

loco21046 said: Has anyone heard of John Jefferson? Number one target of San Diego's Dan Fouts for a couple years until money was an issue and he was send far, far, up North.

Posted by OMCreader on Aug. 30, 2006 at 9:43 a.m. (report)

B said: Amen Steve. Amen!