GREEN BAY -- Some of our readers already know about my Wednesday night bowling team, the group of five guys who regularly come in dead last place at Bay View Bowl. What we lack in bowling skills, we make up with enthusiasm, so we naturally decided to participate in the USBC 2009 Wisconsin State Tournament this weekend in Green Bay.

We really fired ourselves up for this event. We wore our bowling shirts, and hilariously (to ourselves, anyway) grew atrocious mustaches to better fit in with the Green Bay culture.

This was -- and continues to be -- a serious tournament. Thousands of bowlers converge from across the state for several months to compete for cash prizes. Fortunately, it's also a handicapped tournament, so we had the opportunity to catch lightning in a bottle and potentially make a little money if we could roll something over our average.

Alas, it was not meant to be, despite the awesomeness of our collective mustaches.

Saturday was respectable enough. Our "tee time" was set for 11:30 a.m., which felt very early considering our more than cursory inspection of the downtown Green Bay nightlife scene Friday night (verdict: better than expected). We normally bowl at 7 p.m., so something felt weird about kegling before noon.

I'll admit that all the pomp and circumstance at the Riviera Lanes, 2450 University Ave., threw me for a loop. A whopping 36 lanes, brightly lit with a neon and trippy background, it felt very different from our BVB "home court."

And, when they played the National Anthem to kick things off, I knew I was in a serious event.

Of course, we had exactly six minutes to warm up on these exceptionally oily lanes.

All things considered, our team bowled pretty well for our motley crew. We registered scores of 842, 827 and 883. I shot a 520, which averages out to a 173, and my final game was a 201. Doug did the best, bowling a 576. Our normally solid anchor, Ryan, stunk it up with a 468 (thanks for nothing, dude).

Still, Saturday was to be the bowling high water mark of the trip.

That night, we visited Oneida Casino to see Dale Watson, an amazingly cool alt.country act at the lounge. This free show almost made the trip worthwhile on its own, and after listening to his 70-minute set, we fanned out and hit the town once again.

Sunday was a bit of a mess.

We thought we were bowling at 12:30, so we showed up at 12:05 p.m. at Pro Bowl, 2310 Lineville Rd., north of Green Bay in Suamico. Turns out we were scheduled to bowl at noon, so we had to hit the lanes immediately. No time for practicing, no time for wiping the oil off our bowling balls. We literally hit the lanes running.

More imposing was Pro Bowl, itself. A gargantuan facility with 48 lanes, it also houses a brew pub and a parking lot the size of Lambeau Field. The synthetic lanes were super-oily, too, and since today's agenda involved three doubles and three singles matchups, we found ourselves rolling at a frenetic pace.

Basically, we all just fell apart. We bowled six games in three and a half hours, which is double our normal pace. At times, it felt like we were throwing a ball every two minutes, and with no time to settle in and get in a groove, our out-of-shape and now exhausted team was literally sweating and grunting our way through this tournament.

I know, I know, bowling is hardly a strenuous activity, and I barely consider it a sport, but nine games in 24 hours is a lot -- especially when you're trying your hardest to bowl well. All of us laid an egg out there; I personally bowled just a bit below my average, a 462 in the singles part, but my shoulder was aching by the fourth game, and my doubles score was worse.

With lane conditions much tougher than we're used to, we also threw a ton more balls, since strikes were few and far between. By the end, I was just hobbling up to the line and chucking it, hoping that my feeble hook would kick in and not leave me staring at an ugly split or lone 10 pin. Most of the time it did, and my "spare ball" tended to miss wildly, only compounding my misery.

Bottom line, I doubt we'll be winning any money this weekend, but maybe we can learn a few lessons about what to do and what not to do at the tournament next year in Oshkosh. I've only had a few hours to reflect on the experience, but surely showing up on time would be a good start.

Also, five guys with mustaches get lots of funny look at the bars -- even in Green Bay. And yes, I shaved that bad boy off mere minutes after I returned home.

Still, now we can say we went to "State," which has a nice ring to it. Now, I plan on icing down that shoulder and mentally preparing myself for a much more low-key week of bowling back in Bay View.