Thanks but no thanks: our least favorite drinks
"Bar Month" at OnMilwaukee.com is back for another round! The whole month of February, we're serving up intoxicatingly fun bars and club articles -- including guides, unique features, drink recipes and more. Grab a designated driver and dive in!
We all have foods we can't stomach and thanks often to indiscretion there are drinks we'll likely never consume again. Sometimes it's just a flavor we don't like and other times, we enjoyed a flavor a little too enthusiastically and soured on it.
While we usually chime in on the things we love most, in honor of Bar Month 2009, the OnMilwaukee.com editorial staff ruminates on the alcoholic beverages that send us running for the door. Certainly, you've got one, too, and we hope you'll share it using the Talkback feature at the bottom.
Molly Snyder Edler
As an Italian-American, I hate to dis this Italian cinnamon schnapps, but I must. I ordered this shot a lot during the '90s for some reason, and now, it brings back memories of closing the Landmark and other escapades I can no longer stomach. So, it's really not the taste that offends me, but the memories the taste (and smell) evoke. Goldschläger is an 87-proof liqueur that's clear with gold flakes floating in it, a novelty that's kind of neat and a little gross at the same time. I'm trying to cut back on my ingestion of metals, thanks.
When applied to alcohol, the lesson gleaned from the phrase "once bitten, twice shy" was learned at an early age for me. I was barely old enough to legally drive, let alone drink, when I initially encountered what would soon become my most hated of cocktails: the dreadful screwdriver. As a teen hanging out with a rowdy, risky crowd who could almost always produce a bottle of something and a fridge full of mom-stocked Minute Maid, it appeared to be the perfect path to party time. But after one fateful night of pushing my tolerance too far -- which, at the time, was most likely two drinks -- I have never been able to look at the juicy concoction the same. More than a decade later my gag reflex fires when I see someone consuming one in a bar. I'm even pretty cautious of the plain o.j. I drink; it has to be freshly-squeezed and not from a frozen concentrate, otherwise I'm one of Pavlov's playthings with the inadvertent cheap vodka association. Yuck.
Canadian whiskey and water
Everybody has that one horrible experience in which they discovered that too much of a good thing can be, well, too much. Many of my friends made their mistakes with wine coolers, Boone's Farm, the always-popular lime vodka or some crazy concoction of fruit punch and grain alcohol. Not me. I happened to step over the line drinking a Canadian whisky and water like it was water. I had plenty of excuses. My parents had recently divorced. I'd done poorly on finals and some girl was mistreating me at the time. But, I was overserved on some good stuff. I don't have a phobia or anything. It's just that -- whenever possible -- I try to steer toward other brands.
To pick a least favorite, I would have to go with the daiquiri. Yes, I love sitting on the beach with a colorful umbrella filled drink just as much as the next person but there's something about the daiquiri that makes it an easy one to pass over. My distaste for this summer staple is simple really; I don't like blended drinks. And on top of that, I really don't like anything sickly, cloyingly sweet. So, bring me a mojito or sour original margarita but the typically strawberry sweetened daiquiri is just not for me.
The Mississippi River Music Festival some time in the 1990s. A major label A&R dude is planning to come see us at a Downtown St. Louis club. We play our butts off and get off stage to learn he never showed. A life spent in the glow of a computer screen -- instead of under the stage lights -- is now sure to follow. So, when our bass player Matt starts buying me drinks it is very ill-advised, from an emotional point of view and in terms of the quaffs of choice: Goldschläger shots and tequila. Later, the van is packed and we're ready to leave. Luckily, there's time to fling open the door and leave the booze in St. Louis (sorry, guys). That's the last time I had either of those drinks and just the thought of them -- the smell is even too much -- is enough to set my stomach rumbling. People assure me great tequila is different, but I really couldn't care less.
I'll never forget the time I tasted a Salty Dog. To me, it tasted like a highball filled with bile. This drink contains two of my least favorite ingredients: gin and grapefruit juice. I think gin tastes like gasoline, and grapefruit juice tastes like vomit. Not counting the ice, the only redeeming ingredient in this revolting cocktail, which oddly, my good friend Eron orders frequently, is salt. However, I would sooner drink actual gasoline spilled on a salted Milwaukee wintry road than I would drink another Salty Dog. At least it wouldn't taste so much like barf. And yes, I'm only slightly kidding.
Jasmine | Feb. 3, 2009 at 12:14 p.m. (report)
I used to drink Jager bombs in a pint glass. I can't stand the smell of it anymore. Midori is bad too. Once I empty my guts via reverse peristalsis, I tend to form an aversion.
I don't want to ban a whole category of drinks based on the liquor, but I make exception for Goldschlager (is there any Goldschlager mixers?) and Jager. As far as a specific drink, I suggest that the redeye is the creation of the devil. If someone offers you a birthday shot at Axels, and Eric is working (been years, don't know if he still works there), he will likely give you this. Return the favor by puking on his bar.
Hmmm...that Salty Dog sounds pretty good actually.
I was 15. My friend George and I had a 1/2 bottle of 151 Rum and a 1/2 bottle of Jack Daniels. We mixed the two together to create what we called "Toaster Juice" and thought it was the best idea we had ever had. The two of us got completely faced and went to Shakey's for pizza. I got home and went to bed and had a dream that I puked all over my room. When I woke up I realized it was not a dream. I cleaned my room with my first ever hangover and wanted to die. I have since had J.D. but have never been able to stomach rum again. To this day the smell of rum makes me want to throw up. Well, it is noon so it is time to start drinking for the Super Bowl! Take the Cardinals and the points. It's easy $ baby!
4 comments about this article.
Post a comment / write a review.
Disclaimer: Please note that Facebook comments are posted through Facebook and cannot be approved, edited or declined by OnMilwaukee.com. The opinions expressed in Facebook comments do not necessarily reflect those of OnMilwaukee.com or its staff.