The city-suburban dichotomy represents not just a place of residence, but also an attitude. Are you a dyed-in-the-wool suburbanite, or an entrenched urban-dweller? Maybe your caught in between -- grew up in Mequon, now you live on the East Side. Here is a test to determine where you fall in Milwaukee's urban-suburban rivalry.
You know you're a suburbanite if:
The only 'indie' film you've seen is "My Big Fat Greek Wedding."
... but you know you're a city-slicker if:
When you saw "Greek Wedding" at the Downer last year you thought it was "a witty portrayal of the immigrant experience." But after it became a hit you thought it was "cliched and derivative."
You know you're a suburbanite if:
You're torn by the question of the day on Weber and Dolan's morning radio show: Home Depot or Menards?
... but you know you're a city-slicker if:
You're torn by the question of the day on NPR: hybrid or electric cars?
You know you're a suburbanite if:
Everybody in your neighborhood feels sorry for the guy who only has a 2 1/2-car garage -- where does he store the gas grill?
... but you know you're a city-slicker if:
Everybody in your neighborhood feels sorry for the guy with the double lot -- where does he find the time to mow it?
You know you're a suburbanite if:
Squeezing your car into the parking lot at Champps in Brookfield on a Friday night was a milestone -- it's the first time you've had to parallel park in five years!
... but you know you're a city-slicker if:
The doghouse your neighbor built was a milestone -- it's the first new construction in the neighborhood in 50 years!
You know you're a suburbanite if:
The neighborhood iconoclast is the guy down the street who voted for Gore. The neighborhood freak is the guy who does all his grocery shopping at the Outpost Foods co-op in Tosa.
... but you know you're a city-slicker if:
The neighborhood iconoclast is the guy down the street who voted for Bush. The neighborhood freak is the guy who goes deer hunting.
You know you're a suburbanite if:
You think "public transportation" is car-pooling the neighbor kid to soccer practice.
... but you know you're a city-slicker if:
You think "Bunco" is some crazy new drink they make at Bryant's Cocktail Lounge.
You know you're a suburbanite if:
You spend 20 minutes at work debating whether exiting I-94 at Moorland or Barker is the quickest way to get to the Office Max on Bluemound.
... but you know you're a city-slicker if:
You spend 20 minutes at work debating whether the Route 30 or the Route 15 bus is the quickest way to get to Vitucci's from downtown.
You know you're a suburbanite if:
You're so passionate about your lower property taxes, you don't even notice that you spend twice as much on driving expenses as your city friends.
... but you know you're a city-slicker if:
You're passionate about boycotting the controversial Jewel-Osco on North Avenue because they're a greedy corporation, "and their based out of Chicago!" But you sneak off to the Walgreen's on Oakland for your toothpaste.
You know you're a suburbanite if:
The way you brag to your city friends about how much warmer it is in the 'burbs, you'd think retirees are spending their winters in Waukesha County!
... but you know you're a city-slicker if:
The way you brag to your suburban friends about the culture of your neighborhood, you'd think there's been a large-scale migration of artists from SoHo to the East Side of Milwaukee!
You know you're a suburbanite if:
"Heading into the city" means going to The Chancery in Tosa.
... but you know you're a city-slicker if:
"Heading out to the burbs" means going to The Chancery in Tosa.
You know you're a suburbanite if:
Your first experience with Thai food was at the Noodles and Company in Menomonee Falls.
... but you know you're a city-slicker if:
The only chain restaurant you'll go to is the Noodles and Company on Oakland.
You know you're a suburbanite if:
You love to brag about the week you spent "roughing it'"up in the Northwoods. But you fail to mention that most of the trip was spent in your RV watching "The Lord of the Rings" on DVD.
... but you know you're a city-slicker if:
You love to brag about your authentic European experience backpacking from village to village. But you fail to mention that most of the trip was spent drinking beer with some frat boys at the Hofbrauhaus in Munich.
You know you're a suburbanite if:
Distance to a friend's house can be measured in the number of Tumbleweeds.
... but you know you're a city-slicker if:
Distance to a friend's house can be measured in the number of monosyllabic nightclubs.
