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When it comes to sex education, parents need to help teachers. |
 | By Sarah Foster  Special to OnMilwaukee.com E-mail author | Author bio More articles by Sarah Foster |
| Published Nov. 7, 2009 at 3:15 p.m. |
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I was in seventh grade at a small private school when I had my first formal sex education class. I had the same class a year later as an eighth grader and then again as a freshman in high school. In seventh and eighth grade, it seemed like a joke. Maybe I was a late bloomer, but I was more interested in sports at that age than I was in boys.
I didn't know much at all about sex other than what I'd seen on TV or asked my mom, and I wasn't really that intrigued by it. We were shown how to put condoms on bananas (which always created a fit of laughter), taught about puberty, pregnancy and STDs, which to me felt like a waste of time. Boys were still potential cootie carriers and though I was friends with many boys, I wasn't yet convinced even kissing them was a wise idea.
High school was a different story, by then I'd had a couple boyfriends and was learning the ropes in terms of making out but still, as a freshman, it would be a couple years before I agreed to have sex with my then high-school sweetheart.
Although I wasn't raised in a religious family, I figured sex was something only married people did. I'd seen the movie "Kids" -- in which an amoral, HIV-positive skateboarder tries to deflower as many virgins as possible -- and it scared the hell out of me; I was under the impression that having sex was like gambling with your life (which today, depending on the circumstances, is not that far from the truth).
A couple girls in my school got pregnant and quickly vanished off the face of the earth to be home schooled or shipped off to some school for the socially irresponsible; I didn't really want anything to do with that. I had dreams of a life past high school and outside my hometown, and no place in those dreams was my backpack doubling as a diaper bag.
Things seem so different now.
When I walk through the mall, I see clothing stores for young girls and wonder who in their right mind would allow their children to dress like preppy prostitutes. I read and hear about news stories that say girls as young as middle school are giving blow jobs and hand jobs and that by the time they reach high school, sex is just a thing "everyone's doing."
I know I sound old and out of touch, but in reality this is a very scary development for our culture and for our youth. I'm in my twenties and it horrifies me to see and hear about this. Sometimes I feel as though I grew up too fast, but hearing about the sexcapades of today's youth makes me wonder if they even get a fair shot at a childhood. I'm reluctantly approaching thirty and the thought of raising a child seems overwhelming, I cannot imagine the fear, frustration and humiliation of doing that at fourteen.
We don't want teenagers having sex and having babies but the blame can't be placed solely on them. If we don't pass along safe sex instruction and information, how on Earth can we expect these kids to be responsible in the choices they make. They need to know the consequences of their actions and decisions but they also need to know how to protect themselves using birth control. And, no -- abstinence-only education is not pregnancy prevention. Just ask the teenage mothers from my high school.
Right now, there is legislation in our state that would include increased birth control instruction to students in their sex education classes, along with information on puberty, pregnancy, gender stereotypes, the affects of drugs and alcohol on responsible decision making and even media and peer pressure.
It sounds like a laundry list of things every teen deals with. They are topics that teens need addressing, otherwise teens will get their information from each other and rumors are misconstrued as fact.
A friend of mine taught science at Bradley Tech a few years ago and the burden also fell on him to teach sex-ed once a year. He revealed to me after a few very frustrating and eye opening days, few -- if any -- of these kids knew how babies were made or where they actually came from. Most didn't realize that sex had anything to do with babies. Rather, and I quote, "the stork brings us babies." I was floored by this information and yet I don't know why I would've been. I see children in this city all the time with one or two children of their own.
Girls barely through puberty raising babies; that is pure tragedy.
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Recent Talkbacks ...
Posted by whiteguy on Nov. 21, 2009 at 10:10 p.m. (report)
you miss the point on the topic. The government, who messes up everything thing they touch, shouldn't be the ones teaching my (or anyone's) kids about sex. Please, stick with math, reading, and science - our public schools already lag so far behind on these topics - and leave sex alone. second, the 1 in 20 fail rate of condoms IS when they are used properly. That is the waiver - when used correctly, they are only 90% effective - meaning that if you use them incorrectly, the rate goes drastically south after that. Again, if you're going to teach them anything about sex, it should be that unless you are prepared to raise a child with that person, don't have sex with them.
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Posted by HmongkeyHmongsta on Nov. 13, 2009 at 2:42 p.m. (report)
We have to go further against nature and God because we can't go back and nobody wants their tax money going to support the families that are a result of unwed teen pregnancies. So we feel comfortable teaching people to repress themselves, or fowl up their natural well being by having them use dangerous birth control methods and sometimes even mutilating themselves and murdering their own in the form of abortion. Sad. Our Government and all the Police, Politicians, and Power in the World couldn't get us to stop drinking or using drugs but our country's great Gym Teachers AKA Sex Educators are going to stop Mother Nature herself and stop horny kids everywhere from having sex in the New Wave of Teen Reproduction Prohibition... but if they do have sex we will say wear a condom and don't forget to brush your teeth and damn it, they'll do it! TO REVIEW: Society is out of whack with nature so it causes societal problems like teen pregnancy... instead of excepting that people have sex before society finds it approriate and adapt to that... just tell them not to do it and scare em with a ton of propaganda just like we do with drugs and alcohol... and if that don't work we got a few pills and procedures that will save the tax payer if all else fails. Sad.
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Posted by Bassplr19 on Nov. 10, 2009 at 7:35 p.m. (report)
I think she's right on and covers all the bases. More education, not obfuscation...I mean abstinence only education.
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Posted by CoolerKing on Nov. 10, 2009 at 7:39 a.m. (report)
$1.5 billion in funding was spent by the government towards "abstinence education", which researchers like Janet Rosenbaum at Johns Hopkins found ineffective. It's not the 1950's and teens are definitely more aware to follow other means of prevention. A condom is going to be more effective than a virginity pledge.
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Posted by Mil_WI on Nov. 9, 2009 at 11:00 a.m. (report)
Before I get into my long diatribe, please allow me to make it clear that I do not advocate for young adults to be sexually active. I'd prefer they'd wait. However, I am responding to what I see as reality. *** To the abstinence-only proponents: The author wasn't suggesting that abstinence be removed from the curriculum, but that you do not reduce or omit safe sex practices and the occurrence and prevalence of STD's from the conversation. Only a fully comprehensive conversation is necessary to educate all students. I do not agree that if you instruct students the proper use of contraception - yes, the best being the condom - you are giving them blessed permission to be sexually active. And, while I agree that condoms are not 100% effective, you must realize that the failures are largely due to inappropriate use; using an unfit size (it makes one look cool to pull out a Magnum, but it doesn't anyone any good when it falls off); overuse of lubrication underneath, not adequately preparing the reservoir tip, and finally, yes, not withdrawing during ejaculation. A 1 in 20 failure is not because of a manufacturing issue. It's because the users are uneducated on the topic. Another issue I have are to those that believe that young adults are not sexually active, that they are calling the author crude for believing that not all students are good, responsible kids that know how to develop mature relationships. Firstly, young adults that are sexually active can also be good and responsible. Frankly, in my opinion, those who think that kids are generally not sexually active, or not active at all, to be as respectful as possible, are either ignorant and/or uneducated, really don't believe that but are trying to simply support abstinence-only programs, or are delusional. Yes, of course, there are some who are not sexually active for a varying degree of reasons. But rest assured, MOST students are. Whether that number is only 51% or 80% I don't know, but most are, and I'll tell you why: I was once a high school student. Now, before you accuse me of being from a community that "should know better," I'll tell you: I'm not from a school like Bradley Tech (as stated in the author's article as an example of most of the students demonstrating a lack of knowledge on the subject), or from a low-income community that has a high truancy/drop-out rate - such communities often lack parental supervision or guidance in its majority and have the largest teen pregnancy and STD contraction rates. I'm from a middle-class community from the Fox Valley. Most of my fellow students were guided by Christian values. Most had supportive and active two-parent households - with a good mix of conservative and liberal social politics. Most looked up to, or at minimum didn't want to disappoint, their parents and teachers. Most responded to discipline. Nearly everyone graduated and attended college. This was not in the 1960's but in the 1990's - and I agree with the author that things are worse now. And guess what: most of us were sexually active. I was part of a large group of friends - the same 20-30 meeting up with the same crowd - and we have connections to each others respective tangential friends, which triples that number - and we all knew of each other and our activities. (We didn't need Facebook and Twitter to know intimately about each other's daily lives.) Now, we all didn't have intercourse, but many were involved activities as minimal as oral sex, with multiple people. To any reactionary, these were not orgy settings. Most of us were in relationships with each other, in the same age group, that lasted weeks, months, or even years. Some of us cheated. Some of us had one-nighters at parties. And we all came back to school and talked about it to each other, both genders, and at times there was pride, other times shame, and other times repeats of any of the above. Within my own intimate circle of friends, I can recall 3 pregnancy scares - and the respective girlfriends were equally involved in those actions. And trust me, they were SCARED. And the kicker is this: we had our 5th and 7th grade slide show on the reproductive system. We didn't have full-fledged sex education until junior year in high school. And yes, when I finally saw the videos and could have candid talks with my teachers and peers - talks, frankly, that were uncomfortable with my family - it scared the living daylights out of me. I literally learned about STD's. I learned about the condom's reservoir tip (and still use the practice today - with the withdrawal method - monogamously with my long-time girlfriend - 100% effectively.) And despite the amount of our sexual activity, our school had an extremely low teen pregnancy rate (please, abortionists, that's not where I'm going with that). Comprehensive education is the only key. In the end, most students' biology will overrule abstinence-only programs. And if you do not wish your child to attend a comprehensive class, then pull him/her out (to my dismay). But, please, do not insist that the rest of us live by your values. We can't pull our kids out of a class that DOESN'T teach something. A comparable argument on education can be made about HIV prevention. Within the past decade, the proliferation of effective triple-cocktail drugs are allowing people to live chronically with the disease, thereby reducing what was once seen as an immediate death sentence to something that's livable. The "scare feature" of HIV is nothing what it was 10-15 years ago, and as a result, infections are again on the rise. Maintaining and increasing awareness, education, and proper use of protective contraception will help temper infections. And, if you don't care about HIV, which I suspect some of you don't, then compare Hunter Safety (or Gun Safety) for 12-year-olds. I'm from a hunting family, but I don't think a 12-year-old should be walking around with a rifle or a shotgun - accompanied by an adult or not. I don't think a 14-year-old should be walking around alone with a loaded gun. But, I'm fairly relieved there's a law on the books that requires them to attend a class and get certified on gun safety before you send them out in the woods to participate in adult-like activities. The following was taken from the Wisconsin DNR website. When reading it, think of it comparably to sex education: "The hunter education course instills in students the knowledge and skill to be a responsible and safe hunter. The basic course consists of 10 lessons during a minimum of 10 hours. Students learn how hunting accidents are caused and how they can be prevented. Hunter responsibility and safety are stressed throughout the classes, which consist of lectures, demonstrations, group discussions, practical exercises, and individual study and activity assignments."
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