(Editor's note: The following blog is intended for mature audiences).

When I started this sexy little endeavor a few weeks ago, I envisioned it as a dialog and not a monologue. Well, the first letter has arrived in the inbox and it was worthy of attention. As always, if you have a question or a comment, feel free to e-mail sarah@staff.onmilwaukee.com.

In the meantime, here is our first letter:

Dear Sarah,

I am not currently in a relationship. I don't have a lot of close female friends. Therefore, I don't have anyone else to ask a question that has been puzzling me for a long time concerning masturbation. I'm not talking about it from a male standpoint. I'm practically a Ph. D. in that department. I want to know about your side of the ledger:

I know women masturbate. I've heard the jokes about toys, vibrators, etc.

My question is about the particulars -- frequency, fantasy and urgency. How often do women feel the need "rub one out?" Do women use porn in this endeavor? Do women still feel the need to when they are in a relationship and "getting some" on a regular basis?

Are "toys" always involved, or is that only for "special occasions." Same question applies, I guess, to lubricating agents. Do women fantasize about specific people they know, strangers, co-workers? Do women ever feel the urgency to "take care of themselves" in the car or in the office bathroom, etc. What about the timing? Is this something relegated to the end of the day? Is a nap required afterward or can it be a way to jump start a day of shopping, working out, etc.

These are the questions that try men's souls.

Well, they make me curious, anyway ... I'd appreciate your input.

TechGuy
Downtown

Sarah responds:

TechGuy,

It's interesting to hear that female masturbation is such a curiosity to men. I guess it's not all that surprising, but thanks for bringing it up. I hope the following answers some of your query on the topic.

You've heard all the terms -- "assault on a friendly weapon," "milking the monkey," "juicing the mango," "flute solo," "ménage a moi" and, in honor of tomorrow's opening day game, "batting practice."

All right, are we all finished giggling now?

Masturbation is one of those things that make us blush. It always has and probably always will. When I brought your e-mail questions to the attention of some female friends, they laughed then got really quiet.

When I asked some male friends the same questions, I sat back and waited for the jokes to fly. Much to my surprise (and relief), they started telling me that they had tried bringing up the topic with girlfriends in the past and got little to no response.

Jeez ladies, no wonder they have so little idea about what they are doing down there. If he's asking, TELL HIM!

Clearly, you're not alone in your curiosity. One of my girlfriends did finally open up and said that she thinks men are curious about female masturbation not because they are intrigued, but rather that they are intimidated.

"They feel like they are being replaced" is the phrase she used.

Have little fear guys, the majority of us will still chose you over batteries.

Like men, the particulars of self-pleasure for women depend highly on the individual. How sexual a person you are is definitely a factor. And unfortunately despite the fact that it will give no absolution to your questions, it's probably the answer to most of them.

How often do you have the opportunity? If you're swamped at work/at home, unfortunately sex often takes a backseat and likely so does double-clicking your mouse. I don't know many women that would put off paying bills, grocery shopping or hitting the gym for a quick touch and go. Maybe during a quick shower when we get back home ... otherwise it's not something most women plan an afternoon around.

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3 comments about this article. Post a comment / write a review.

Recent Talkbacks ...

Posted by Chicken_Little72 on July 10, 2009 at 10:26 p.m. (report)

if u haven't done it ladies, I strongly recommend it. You can learn things new about yourself every day!

Posted by gmwrobel on April 13, 2009 at 12:34 p.m. (report)

maybe they should be...

Posted by brunocarlson on April 10, 2009 at 9:00 a.m. (report)

Those aren't the questions that are "trying" my soul.

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