Michael Stodola is...
(wait)

Michael Stodola is happy to be home with my family.
(jeez ... way too sappy)

Michael Stodola is culling chumps.
(nah ... trying too hard)

Michael Stodola is pitchfork.
(hmmm ... odd yet plain, cool yet genuine)

Is it just me, or has a Facebook status become the hottest accessory going? I've gotten to the point that I'm tracking response rates. I'm quickly learning what evokes comments and what doesn't. In turn, I'm also developing pet peeves about status updates. Many updates are too obvious, and, like a poorly told joke, they complete the thought for you. Lots of them are pitiful attempts at humor. And most simply beg the question: Who cares?

Thousands of people join Facebook each day and they (or should I say "we?") just want to tell the world about themselves. We long to confirm we are not alone out here. And between our personal insecurities and our sound-bite culture, the Facebook status has quickly and organically become the vehicle that satisfies.

I have found that in the world of Facebook status updaters, there are six distinct groups:

The Literal -- Sheila Parks is finally cleaning her basement.
These folks seem content with their life, or are trying to
convince themselves of their desired contentment.
Creativity is low, honesty is high, my interest: non-existent.

The Clown -- Bob Owens lost his virginity down the sewer!
This group loves LOL! Obvious grabs at humor not to mention
attempts to create hilarious responses to others' updates.
Creativity is medium, interest is medium.

The Poser -- David Wells is thumbing his way through Peru.
What they really want to tell you is how cool they are.
Don't you wish you were THEM right now? No creativity, plenty of pity.

The Playful -- Laura Decker is ready for more Butterball, please.
Females usually dominate this group. They're friendly, loveable and non-threatening. Everything is medium -- with occasional high sweetness.

The Odd -- Ronnie Barker is Corvettes + Scrambled Eggs.
They want to be social, they want to be funny, but they're misfits who find comfort in cyber-relationships. Some high creativity, very interested but narrow audience.

The Blanks -- Janet Huffman.
These folks simply choose not to throw their hat in the ring.
I'm not sure what to think ... I hate them, really. I mean,
YOU'RE ON FACEBOOK ... HELLO!?

Another notable factor here is frequency. Facebook automatically kicks out your status after seven days -- to encourage updates. Most keep theirs up that long and then are forced to change. Others update multiple times a day (may want to consider getting up from the computer and taking a shower or something). The optimal shelf life of a status depends on the statement itself.

One thing is for certain: Facebook is large. And the stock price on status updates is soaring. From mentions on commercials to several YouTube videos, this cyber-toy rivals the Wii in popularity.

That reminds me: Michael Stodola just finished another blog.