Bayside resident Mark Metcalf is an actor who has worked in movies, TV and on the stage. He is best known for his work in "Animal House," "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Seinfeld."

In addition to his work on screen, Metcalf is involved with the Milwaukee International Film Festival, First Stage Children's Theater and a number of other projects.

He also finds time to write about movies for OnMilwaukee.com. This week, Metcalf weighs in on "Ironman" and "Apocalypto."

IRON MAN (2008)

"Iron Man" rocks! That's what Alyssa said, also Emily and Julius. Alyssa was like a crazed person for the past two weeks waiting for it to come out on video. She won't admit it, because she is 16, but I think it's because Robert Downey is so sexy. Robert Downey is Iron Man, as he says to everyone's surprise at the end of the picture, and by Chinese syllogism, since Iron Man rocks and Robert Downey is Iron Man then Robert Downey rocks.

Robert Downey is Iron Man in many ways. If you think about the amount of drugs he has been caught with and admitted taking, which is probably only a portion of the drugs he has actually taken, and the number of times he has stood before judges because of those drugs, he has taken quite a beating. But, he still looks great, moves great, and thinks very clearly about himself and the things he has endured.

Throughout the movie, there are not-so-veiled references to the very public life that Downey has lived for the past several years. It is part of the reason the film is so much fun. It is completely aware of itself. In a very important way, it is about being a corrupt movie star, a hedonistic, cynical, ruthless, fun-loving movie star who descends through several of the rungs of Dante's hell, fights his way back to the surface, finds himself a changed man and learns to live with the change and the goodness that is still available to him.

There are a bunch of videos on YouTube comparing "Iron Man" and "Batman: The Dark Knight." There is really no comparison. "Batman" is a very seriously intentioned film. And as I have said in this format, I think it achieves those intentions very well. "Iron Man" is not. It is meant to be a fun, partial parody of a contemporary action-adventure-super-hero-Hollywood movie. It achieves those intentions, too.

The whole family can see it and see it again. Especially the 16-year-olds. It is a fun ride. Everyone that I know is looking forward to the sequel, although they can't figure out how they will do it since Tony Stark let the cat out of the bag at the end and there is no more secret identity.

There is also no archenemy left at the end. But it's Hollywood, I'm sure they will come up with something. They may have to wait until Robert Downey, Jr., writes the next chapter in his own life so that they can find a plot that will play with as much fun as he is obviously having.

APOCALYPTO (2006)

This is Mel Gibson's version of the beginnings and the end of the Mayan civilization in Mexico. Wil Durant's quote is used at the beginning of the film to the effect that no civilization can be taken over if it hasn't already begun to rot from within. I doubt very much if Gibson intended any parallels with our civilization. Then again, maybe he has more foresight than I do envision.

Gibson's story begins with boys being boys on a hunt in the forest, teasing one of their tribe for his sexual shortcomings. When they return to the village, the one who was the butt of their jokes even has a harpy mother-in-law, to remind us all that even though they wear very little clothing, have bones sticking out of their chins, and walk instead of drive, they are a lot like you and me, or at least those of us with harpy mother-in-laws.

This tribe of primitive innocents is then raided by a band of brutal males from a more advanced tribe. It is a Mel Gibson movie, so the emphasis is very much on the "brutal" and the "male," with obvious irony surrounding the "advanced." The women are raped and killed, the children left behind and the men taken, presumably to be slaves.

Through the jungle they go to the more advanced civilization that once was the great Mayan civilization. Now beset by drought, disease and the disorienting distraction of apocalyptic omens delivered by trembling, self- appointed shamans, this is a culture that is delivering itself back to the forest, not in innocence but in decadent decay, and rot.

Again, because it is a Mel Gibson movie, we are subjected to immense amounts of blood and brutality. If you can't take it, then you must be one of those sissies I imagine he rants about when he is done ranting about ethnic or religious minorities.

After a long foot race through the jungle - just like a car chase in any other movie, but on foot in this one so it takes longer - our hero returns to the forest of his innocence and to the woman he loves.

The woman happens to be in a hole delivering his second son while the hole is filling up with water -- they arrive at the sea and, of course, the Spanish conquistadors and their Catholic missionaries are waiting there, having just arrived in their ships to claim the new land and all it's lost souls.

It is just as absurd and ridiculously predicable as it sounds.

The attention to detail in the sound and production design departments is commendable. Some of the photography is very pretty. It is all spoken in a dialect we presume to be Mayan, so you have to read the subtitles to get the overblown meaning of all the prophecies and the poetry.

There is a strange kind of flexing of muscles and a strutting around in the filmmaking here. I don't like it. I never have.