Sign in | Register now | Like us on FacebookLike Us | Follow us on TwitterFollow Us

Milwaukee's Daily Magazine for Saturday, Aug. 23, 2014

Sat
Hi: 78
Lo: 69
Sun
Hi: 82
Lo: 70

Hi: 85
Lo: 68
Advertise on OnMilwaukee.com
Jordan (right) and Michelle in "The Grotto."
Jordan (right) and Michelle in "The Grotto."
Monty, Michelle and Jordan at the Playboy Mansion.
Monty, Michelle and Jordan at the Playboy Mansion.
Monty and friends.
Monty and friends.

My life in porn

March may be cold, but it's hot and heavy here at OnMilwaukee.com as we celebrate our first-ever Sex Week. We're taking a mature look at local video and sex toy shops, area strip clubs, sexy Milwaukee events -- and even some connections between Brew City and Playboy magazine. It's serious, responsible, adult-themed content -- but don't worry, parents, we'll keep it PG-13 in case junior stumbles upon these stories as OnMilwaukee.com turns a pale shade of blue for seven days.

Don't let the headline mislead you. I am not, and never have been, a porn star.

I haven't even been the pizza girl who ends up in the right "G" spot at just the right time.

But, I have dipped my toes into the shallow end of the porn pool.

And I only have my friend Monty to thank ... or shake my head at.

McMahon, Monty McMahon. It's a name perfectly suited for the wild world of adult films. He is, in fact, the co-publisher of Adult Video News Online (AVN for those in the know), which is a trade publication for the adult film industry. It's like Variety, but for porn.

He's the guy every guy wants to be. Lives in L.A. Eats a lot of sushi. Dates porn stars. And, luckily for me, gets invited to the Playboy Mansion.

Monty and I were college buddies. We've always had a great guy-girl relationship that was like siblings who really like getting into trouble together. We'd work on our college newspaper until 1 a.m., then head to the local bar.

We reconnected about six years after graduation. Before he told me what he was doing now, Monty slyly wrote in an e-mail: "Well, I think we both ended up just how we were supposed to."

Milwaukee Press Club awards for me; hosting adult film conventions for him. And it was during one of these conventions that I was able to live out a real life fantasy: partying at the Playboy Mansion.

There is no easy way to describe the Playboy Mansion. But here's what I know: the drinks are free, the girls are body painted, Digital Underground sings "The Humpty Dance" live on stage and what goes on in the grotto isn't fit to print. It's hot, sticky and smells like sex. It's unmistakable.

I won't tell you how Monty was able to dig up an extra ticket so my best friend, Michelle, could come with us. Let's just say we owe him ... big time.

It was a venerable "who's who" of the porn industry, filled with people in bondage, half-naked women dancing on tables and a lot of guys with cell phones saying thing's like, "You want to go to Adam's later?" (Levine, that is, of Maroon 5).

You'd think Michelle and I would have felt out of place. But the Playboy Mansion is an oddly welcoming space; a playground for adults where sex, education level and your socioeconomic background don't matter. As long as you're not afraid of sex and unadulterated pleasure, you're in. There's no secret handshake, but you better be on the list or you are not making it past the gate.

But the Playboy Mansion adventure isn't the only time Monty has integrated me into his fantasy world. I recently wrote an article for AVN about pop-culture phenom Mr. Skin. Jim McBride, who lives in Chicago and is better known by his Web site moniker, famously jetted to stardom in the film "Knocked Up" when Seth Rogan and his friends attempted to launch the same business that Skin is in.

That business, of course, is the ultimate resource for mainstream movie nudity. If it's female, it's nude and it's on TV or in mainstream films, Jim McBride can tell you -- down to the minute -- when the scene appears in the movie. It's a talent he's been perfecting since high school. His favorite nude scene of all time? Phoebe Cates stepping out of the pool, dripping wet, in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High." I recently re-rented the movie to see if I agree. Of course, Mr. Skin is never wrong.

He's a man living two lives -- a dedicated family man who has vintage Playboys stacked across from photographs of his children. I was impressed by his honesty, dedication and boyish good-looks. And the fact that his company makes $6 million a year means there's a lot of people out there just as intrigued as he is with seeing famous actresses like Angelina Jolie, Alyssa Milano and Marisa Tomei in the buff.

There was one quote from McBride that summed it all up for me: "Life is too short to watch non-nude movies." I know I've always felt that way.

While I don't plan on sharing the screen with Jenna Jameson anytime soon, my second life in porn has taught me a couple things: the people in the industry are more like you and me that you probably think; it's always fun to live out your fantasies; and make sure to always shower after spending time in the grotto. Just trust me on that one.

Talkbacks

brunocarlson | March 13, 2009 at 11:11 a.m. (report)

35104 Wow... I am truly at a loss of words.

Rate this:
  • Average rating: 0.0
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5

danielnathan | March 12, 2009 at 11:25 a.m. (report)

34574 I better get back to practice if I ever want to talk to the rock

Rate this:
  • Average rating: 0.0
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Post your comment/review now 2 comments about this article.
Post your comment/review now

Facebook comments

Disclaimer: Please note that Facebook comments are posted through Facebook and cannot be approved, edited or declined by OnMilwaukee.com. The opinions expressed in Facebook comments do not necessarily reflect those of OnMilwaukee.com or its staff.