Well hello there, nice to see you guys again.

Yes, I know it's been two and a half months since my last post, I haven't forgotten about you. If you follow me on Twitter then you know that my absence has gone beyond blogging, and is for legit reasons.

Recently while getting my hair cut, I had some pretty hysterical conversations. The kind of verbal exchanges that leave you needing to whiz in your drawers, give you a belly ache from a much-needed laughing fit, or allow you to voice a hearty "hell yes" out loud.

Topic No. 1: Rogue Facial Hair
It's not often women sit around and talk about the stray, often gnarly/curly/coarse/can't-look-away-from strands of hair that jut out from our beautiful faces. Most of us have had at least one of them in our lives, and rarely do we like to discuss it in great detail. But on this day, the three of us went there. Sometimes, they are "big and strong and long."

Now, as much as I'd love to provide you the play-by-play of our conversation and the eventual dark vortex of that we spiraled down in (think waxing the lady bits), I give you this little nugget of goodness instead. AMIRITE ladies?

Topic No. 2: Stupid Charges
Do you ever sit back and wonder sometimes, "Man, person XYZ needs a good kick to the shins?" Or, "I wish I could award you an elbow to the chops?" Or how about a more friendly congratulations: "You get a stupid charge." Yeah, I said "stupid charge." Think of it as an added line item on a bill/invoice, or a ticket that you are slapped with – for being a jackass.

What circumstances earn you a stupid charge? I offer the following situations:

• Using the self-checkout line at the grocery store for a full cart of goods. Stupid charge.
• Walking into a bar that has a healthy beer selection to choose from and ordering "a beer." Stupid charge.
• Walking up to and trying to use a kiosk (subway/train station, movie ticket) that has a very clear-as-day sign reading: OUT OF ORDER. Stupid charge.
• Driving down the freeway for miles with your turn signal on – and never changing lanes. Stupid charge.
• Going through the drive-thru (be it for fast food, or pharmacy) and not having your money ready at the window. Stupid charge.
• Pretending to talk on your cell phone to avoid a face-to-face conversation – and then your phone rings out loud. Stupid charge.
• Not locking the door to the public bathroom stall you are in (say, oh, at Summerfest) and then someone opens the door to use the toilet while you're grunting away. Stupid charge.

Now it's your turn my friends. I know you have stupid charges to add to this list. Let's hear them.