I am scared of our Christmas tree.
It's not because I am Jewish. (Marrying a Catholic fulfilled my childhood dream of celebrating Christmas in my household. Tree and all.)
It's because our Christmas tree is up in our attic. And our attic freaks me the motherfather out. The very thought of having to climb up to our attic makes me quiver.
Besides, the attic is husband territory. And the attic is only accessible through our garage.
The garage is, in general, his domain. His cold man-cave where he listens to crackly, static-y country music through an old boom box while sweeping, organizing and tinkering. He does this while wearing a thermal "onesie" reminiscent of a flight suit; he, for some reason, insists on living in it all winter long.
I go in to the garage get into my car. That's it. It's an exit and an entrance that holds my vehicle.
But, Hubster is not home to get the tree down. And I am hearing the homemaker duty call to dress up the house holiday style.
Man, a menorah is so easy. Compact, easily stored in the house. Buy the candles, light one each night and after eight nights a glorious lit-up candelabra!
But, our Christmas tree, in all its six-foot, glittering glory, is quite a sight to behold. Worth the perilous trek up into the ascending abyss of – the attic.
I have two choices right now.
I can choose to be brave and self-sufficient. To stand on the hood of my Chevy, reach up and pull that ominous wire/string/cord thing that somehow releases the "staircase" into the attic and then cautiously climb what actually is a rickety ladder that makes Ringling Brothers trapeze artists look "safe."
Or I can wait.
Maybe find someone else to retrieve the tree from its lofty lair.
But, rock only knows what in heavy metal is up in that attic. I may not want non-family members to view what's going on up there.
And for those of you thinking I should just go buy a small, fresh tree I can maneuver on my own ...
I just may.
But, the ornaments and lights are up there too!
The whole point of buying our "reusable" tree two years ago at a post-Christmas sale at "Tarjay" was so we wouldn't have to waste any innocent pine varietals year after year. So we'd always have the "convenience" of just "having" our tree.
Forget "Flowers in the Attic." Christmas trees in the attic are my own personal, holiday horror.
No Talkbacks for this article.
Post your comment/review now
Disclaimer: Please note that Facebook comments are posted through Facebook and cannot be approved, edited or declined by OnMilwaukee.com. The opinions expressed in Facebook comments do not necessarily reflect those of OnMilwaukee.com or its staff.
Recent Articles & Blogs by Lindsay Garric
Published Dec. 5, 2013
As if it weren't enough that retailers went into Christmas mode while most of us were still trick or treating, I was also still really reeling from the notion that Thanksgiving Eve has now been christened "Brown Thursday." And then there's Cyber Monday. And don't forget #GivingTuesday ...
Published Nov. 20, 2013
My hair-brained mind cannot help but wonder if any chicks literally embracing Movember? Are there any women growing out their mustaches (gasp!) all November long?
Published Nov. 8, 2013
After driving my 12-year-old front wheel drive SUV 2241 miles in three days through a nasty autumn storm system, I consider myself fit to give a bit of advice on how to road trip like a boss.
Published Oct. 24, 2013
While it may seem natural that the horror film genre would appeal to what may appear to be my edgier tastes, I am really just a quivering baby when it comes to scary stuff, so I use the wussy technique of avoidance to cope.
Published Oct. 9, 2013
Lloyd Barbee Montessori school's compromised arts programming captured Lindsay Garric's attention earlier this year and she and her husband, along with friends, decided to do something to help.
Published Sept. 24, 2013
I can no longer deny that autumn is really here. The equinox has passed and although oddly warm temperatures may be trying to fool summer-loving souls, the scenery of changing leaves and the certainty of chilly nights are shoving the reality of this season in my face. So, in the spirit of having a "polished finger on beauty, fashion, fitness and nutrition trends," here are my five favorites for fall.
Published Sept. 11, 2013
Lindsay was hoping for a relaxing day with her husband in a poolside cabana. What she got instead was a bizarre performance that led her to pose this question: just how much is a decent person supposed to do in a pool shower?
Published Aug. 28, 2013
I've always wanted to be one of those people who don't take everything so seriously; who isn't so affected by what other people do and say; who doesn't feel quite so deeply about everything. I consciously work on building a thicker skin, but alas - some personality traits die hard.
Published Aug. 5, 2013
If you are professional musician who marries a girl from Milwaukee, expect to spend more than a little of your time in her beloved hometown. That's the case for singer-songwriter Wil Seabrook, reality star, musician and human rights activist, who is returning to his wife's hometown on Aug. 8 for an intimate show at Sugar Maple.
Published July 23, 2013
I'd never been to Wanderlust, the festival that celebrates the union of yoga, music and nature until this past weekend. I journeyed to Wanderlust California for the fifth anniversary of the festival held at beautiful Squaw Valley Ski Resort in Olympic Valley, Calif. (home of the 1960 Winter Olympics), near Lake Tahoe.