I am scared of our Christmas tree.
It's not because I am Jewish. (Marrying a Catholic fulfilled my childhood dream of celebrating Christmas in my household. Tree and all.)
It's because our Christmas tree is up in our attic. And our attic freaks me the motherfather out. The very thought of having to climb up to our attic makes me quiver.
Besides, the attic is husband territory. And the attic is only accessible through our garage.
The garage is, in general, his domain. His cold man-cave where he listens to crackly, static-y country music through an old boom box while sweeping, organizing and tinkering. He does this while wearing a thermal "onesie" reminiscent of a flight suit; he, for some reason, insists on living in it all winter long.
I go in to the garage get into my car. That's it. It's an exit and an entrance that holds my vehicle.
But, Hubster is not home to get the tree down. And I am hearing the homemaker duty call to dress up the house holiday style.
Man, a menorah is so easy. Compact, easily stored in the house. Buy the candles, light one each night and after eight nights a glorious lit-up candelabra!
But, our Christmas tree, in all its six-foot, glittering glory, is quite a sight to behold. Worth the perilous trek up into the ascending abyss of â€“ the attic.
I have two choices right now.
I can choose to be brave and self-sufficient. To stand on the hood of my Chevy, reach up and pull that ominous wire/string/cord thing that somehow releases the "staircase" into the attic and then cautiously climb what actually is a rickety ladder that makes Ringling Brothers trapeze artists look "safe."
Or I can wait.
Maybe find someone else to retrieve the tree from its lofty lair.
But, rock only knows what in heavy metal is up in that attic. I may not want non-family members to view what's going on up there.
And for those of you thinking I should just go buy a small, fresh tree I can maneuver on my own ...
I just may.
But, the ornaments and lights are up there too!
The whole point of buying our "reusable" tree two years ago at a post-Christmas sale at "Tarjay" was so we wouldn't have to waste any innocent pine varietals year after year. So we'd always have the "convenience" of just "having" our tree.
Forget "Flowers in the Attic." Christmas trees in the attic are my own personal, holiday horror.
No Talkbacks for this article.
Post your comment/review now
Disclaimer: Please note that Facebook comments are posted through Facebook and cannot be approved, edited or declined by OnMilwaukee.com. The opinions expressed in Facebook comments do not necessarily reflect those of OnMilwaukee.com or its staff.
Recent Articles & Blogs by Lindsay Garric
Published Sept. 28, 2015
In an age of Apple Watches and Google Glass, shouldn't laptops be impervious to water damage?
Published Sept. 9, 2015
Today, as I pull out the remnants, I remember the crazy outburst of my very first garden and all of its significance gets etched into the big picture of food production.
Published Aug. 24, 2015
The Blue Moon rose on July 31, 2015. This astrological wonder hadn't occurred since 2012 and won't varnish the sky with its indigo face again until 2018. To my delight, the early hours of the "morning after" presented a celestial show that will have to sustain me until I can witness it again.
Published Aug. 5, 2015
Lindsay Garric gets personal with Alice Cooper - her husband, Chuck, is Cooper's bassist - and asks him five great questions. Cooper gigs in Milwaukee on Friday, Aug. 7.
Published July 19, 2015
In addition to the hefty work it does through the family support group, the CJ Lomas Foundation has hosted The CJ Lomas Recovery Foundation Golf Outing each year to raise money for opiate recovery organizations and to provide financial assistance for those in need to get help. This year, the event takes place on Friday July 24.
Published June 30, 2015
Sluts can relax. There's yet another demographic being shamed.
Published June 17, 2015
The breeze cools the tops of my feet and sneaks between my toes as my soles deftly navigate every detail of the varied terrain through the most minimal athletic shoe I have ever invested in - Bedrock Sandals.
Published June 1, 2015
If farming had professional athletes, Dela Ends of Scotch Hill Farm would be an all-star. Her certified organic, family-run farm located in Broadhead, Wis. has provided nourishment through Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) to Milwaukee and neighboring cities since 1994.
Published May 20, 2015
Penelope Shihab, founder of biotech company MONOJO and CEO of Milwaukee's Columbia Biotech USA has an innovative take on creating and maintaining clear skin.
Published May 6, 2015
Scott Roush is the drummer for Rossonian, a "hot pop, garage soul, electro-sensual rock & roll" band returning to the area to appear at The Jazz Estate on Thursday, May 7.