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Milwaukee's Daily Magazine for Tuesday, July 22, 2014

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Don't worry, readers, Lindsay only "borrowed" this baby for this photo.
Don't worry, readers, Lindsay only "borrowed" this baby for this photo.

The "Mega MILF"

The '90s introduced us to an amped-up version of the fashion model: the super model.

I now propose a triple-caffeinated, monster charged, supped up variation on the hot mom: the Mega MILF.

No longer are moms just stay at home, working, single, step, adoptive, defined by a singular talent or limited by their age.

The Mega MILF has it all; the kids, the job, the social life, the smokin' bod, the great house, the charity causes, the relationship and the wardrobe.

Celebrity examples of this social phenomenon abound; Victoria Beckham, Madonna, Gwyneth Paltrow, Gwen Stefani, Jennifer Lopez and Angelina Jolie ... to name a few.

Comeback queens like Britney Spears prove that you can even rebound from a 5150 into Mega MILF territory.

Got a DUI coupled with a divorce and poor record sales?

No problem, like Christina Aguilera, you can touch up your bleach blonde roots, slap on some fire engine red lipstick, a couple sets of false lashes and bounce back with a hit movie and TV show! End result – Mega MILF.

Want to make the public forget about your promiscuous, wild, blood-wearing, knife-fetishist past? Become your own PR maven like Angelina Jolie – adopt and biologically manufacture a brood of beautiful children with an impossibly, equally attractive partner, become a poster woman for doing good deeds and kick ass as a cinematic female action hero. Um, yeah, total Mega MILF.

Career waning after having twins? Get on the Tracy Anderson Method workout plan, re-enlist your glam squad, host "American Idol," be named People Magazine's Most Beautiful Person and release a hit dance record like JLo. Completely qualifies for Mega MILF, no?

The unstoppable Gwen Stefani hasn't had a lull in her run as a Mega MILF; fronting a huge rock band, forging an amazing solo career, creating a successful fashion label and fragrance line, mothering two kids with another rock star and looking FIERCER than ever. Can we all say it together? Mega MILF.

Behold Gwyneth Paltrow, the Oscar-winner, the lifestyle blogger, the cookbook author, the recurring guest star on show of the moment "Glee," and the mother of the whimsically named, Coldplay-fathered tow heads whom everyone loves to hate. Yet millions hang on her every piece of fitness, nutrition, fashion and beauty advice. The Mega Multi Media Mogul MILF.

Then, there's the enviably thin, even while preg-o Victoria Beckham. VB has created a Mega MILF life from what could have been 15 minutes of fame as a Spice Girl. Armed with an entire fashion lifestyle brand, a brood of boys and a girl on the way, Posh has towered in her platform Leboutins as one of the original Mega MILFs. And, have you seen her husband? I nominate her as the Mega MILF with the Dope DILF.

And, lest we forget ... Stacy's Mom –"she's got it goin' on!!" (Thank you Fountains of Wayne and Rachel Hunter for perpetuating the Mega MILF image with an actual super model.)

Double take! These last five are 40-plus. Mega MILFdom is something to look forward to and seems to proliferate with age, experience and success.

I know what you are thinking.

"Those women have tons of money and can do all that because they can afford chefs, personal trainers, plastic surgeons, nannies, housekeepers, personal assistants, psychotherapists, private schools, etc..."

Nonsense I say!

I see versions of these women everyday in my circle of fantastic female friends.

These local Mega MILF's have a Milwaukee sized version of these fabulous lives and they do it their own way, without a professional "team." They enlist their friends and family to support their Mega MILFdom mission and superbly make it happen.

The baby I borrowed for the accompanying picture belongs to one such woman who juggles her gigantic extended family, her husband, an incredible social circle, a home, a marketing/PR career, several charity causes, is a gourmet cook, a computer and social networking whiz and is constantly inventing ways of selflessly assisting others all while looking amazing. I almost forgot –she's currently expecting baby number two.

I say, ladies – if you want it – TAKE IT.

Do whatever is necessary to emulate the women you admire and truly have it all.

Does it take more effort and less sleep? Hells YEEEEEAHHHHH. But, it's fulfilling and totally worth it.

Be a Mega MILF.

Talkbacks

Soon2bMomof4 | June 3, 2011 at 1:12 p.m. (report)

Read between the lines. It's not about being something for someone else; it's about being something for you. I cringe when I hear women say "I'm a Mom, I don't need to (insert here...buy new clothes, workout, watch what I eat, take a shower...). What? Why not show your kids that taking pride in your health and appearance is an important part of life? It doesn't mean being "smoking hot" by someone else's standards but instead respecting yourself and identifying yourself first as an individual and then by all the other parts that make you who you are: mom, daugher, wife, sister, career woman, volunteer, athlete, artist... My husband cheesily told me "When the kids see you they see 'MOM'. When I see you I see 'WOW'". Made my day, especailly since I was 8 mos pregnant at the time.

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odannyboy | June 3, 2011 at 10:44 a.m. (report)

Does Garric have children? If so, she could of written this article about herself being the Mega MILF.

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TosaJim | June 2, 2011 at 11:32 a.m. (report)

I have to agree with Sandstorm...I'm sure she has not seen a camera she did not like...but on the otherhand...kudos for keeping herself smokin hot. :)

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kr7 | June 2, 2011 at 10:19 a.m. (report)

This is a fun and lively homage to women who don't leave themselves behind in a life that can be about everyone BUT them. Love this. Funny, cute, and all about celebrating women! Thanks for encouraging women to take care of their bodies, and minds. Having kids is not a reason to let yourself go.

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sandstorm | June 2, 2011 at 10:15 a.m. (report)

i'm sure she's a beautiful person.
just seems a little attention starved.
not that there's anything wrong with that....

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