I woke up last Saturday morning disheveled. Exhausted. Abused.
Black Friday was over – and what did I really have to show for it?
I ruminated in the rumpled sheets. As if it weren’t enough that retailers went into Christmas mode while most of us were still trick or treating, I was also still really reeling from the notion that Thanksgiving Eve has now been christened "Brown Thursday."
It seems the hours following Thanksgiving dinner are no longer the lazy, family-filled, "I feel fat" fest they used to be. No more are we are left to revel in the stoned state of food coma. Now, we are urged to pry ourselves from the grip of relatives and haul our full bellies out that very evening, to spend what should be kin time - in line.
I lay beneath my sheets questioning my personal purchasing actions, the reckless abandon with which I wielded my plastic, wooed into the fervent passion of a spree by tantalizing commercials and seductive email blasts. There were even mobile texts that pulled me through the doors of alluring establishments to take advantage of their tawdry and totally enticing deals.
The post-Black Friday walk of shame weighed heavily on me. I slunk out of bed and poured my morning coffee, getting a chill from the memory of the momentary thrill I had gleefully partaken in when suddenly, my phone started to scream at me. It continuously shouted alerts in the following hours, signaling more discount codes and special offers.
"Black Friday Extended!"
What? No! I thought there would be some reprieve until Cyber Monday! (Which in actuality has slithered into Cyber Week.) The assault continued. I gathered my willpower and refused the overt gestures, as I had already booked a date with "Small Business Saturday." I tend to prefer my ‘tail local.
The weekend continued, filled with invitations to slut out my credit card to earnest economic sirens, to participate in the pillage of door buster deals. I gave myself over once again on Cyber Monday, having withheld a smidgen of my shameless shopping in anticipation of online retail fornication.
I was stunned to discover there were some market studs that had the shameless stamina to continue to go at it through Tuesday, even while in competition with the knight in shining amour of this whole marathon shopping event – #GivingTuesday.
#GivingTuesday is the kindest of these seasonal trysts, urging those spent from spending to put out a little to those in need. While a sexy idea and just what the doctor ordered to relieve the guilt laying heavily on top of many well-satiated shoppers, perhaps it’s just a little too late?
#GivingTuesday should pop the cherry of the holiday retail orgy while we’re all still fresh and our pocketbooks still plump with excitement. Or make it the replacement for the repugnant "Brown Thursday," so that this charitable embrace becomes a family affair.
The fervent moans of retailers to shop NOW have taken a toll on my wallet and my psyche. I was preoccupied for a month gearing up to save all this money at my favorite retailers – both big and small, but somehow I’ve ended up feeling empty inside and taken advantage of – especially with 12 Days of Christmas Deals shaking their bits in my inbox.
Next year, I’m going to be hesitant to crawl into bed with this seductive lover. I will commit to sale celibacy. I will withhold my wallet. I will resist the holiday retail rendezvous.
No Talkbacks for this article.
Post your comment/review now
Disclaimer: Please note that Facebook comments are posted through Facebook and cannot be approved, edited or declined by OnMilwaukee.com. The opinions expressed in Facebook comments do not necessarily reflect those of OnMilwaukee.com or its staff.
Recent Articles & Blogs by Lindsay Garric
Published Oct. 27, 2014
What exactly is a longboard? Well, it sure looks like a skateboard. But, it's longer and wider with larger wheels.
Published Oct. 9, 2014
Lindsay Garric reports on what it's like for a caffeine lover to go a month without drinking coffee.
Published Sept. 26, 2014
Nova Gyms in Oak Creek just happens to specialize in this martial art.
Published Sept. 10, 2014
September is National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month and in an effort to gain more of an understanding about addiction and recovery, Lindsay Garric sat down with recorvery expert Kevin Schaefer to shatter some of the stereotypes about the disease.
Published Aug. 26, 2014
The Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte (PSL) has its own official Twitter account @TheRealPSL. L to the OL.
Published Aug. 12, 2014
Right under our Midwestern noses is a city so full of culture, entertainment, food, sports, art, community and music that it's almost a transgression of good tourism not to visit Nashville.
Published July 25, 2014
In my eternal battle of "Bangs or Botox," bangs won yet again after months of growing out my fringe through every stage of awkwardness.
Published July 19, 2014
The Milwaukee food, music and fireworks tradition where "everyone is Italian" kicked off yesterday. Lindsay Garric had the opportunity to dive deeper into what Festa means for Italian-American culture when she interviewed Joseph Emanuele, president of the local chapter of The Order Sons of Italy in America.
Published July 15, 2014
Over the weekend, a friend posted a picture on social media that was taken at her birthday dinner with the caption "Birthday drinks with the birthday girls." I was tagged in this photo on Facebook and it has resulted in yet another episode of "everything happens for a reason."
Published July 3, 2014
Gretchen and the Pickpockets will play the Jazz Estate tonight at 9:30 p.m.