By Matt Mueller Culture Editor Published Aug 11, 2013 at 5:58 PM

Are you tired of animated movies yet this summer? Well, if you weren’t already suffering from animated movie exhaustion, here comes Disney’s – not Pixar’s – "Planes" to finish the job with a supersonic snore. Younger kids may enjoy it, but parents, be warned: This one’s more like "Planezzzzz" (I’ll be here all week, folks).

"Planes" travels up from the highways of "Cars" to a highway to the danger zone (yes, there is a "Top Gun" reference in the form of Anthony Edwards and Val Kilmer voicing a pair of fighter jets) to tell the story of Dusty Crophopper (Dane Cook). Dusty dreams of becoming a famous aerial racer, but as you might guess from his name, he’s a lowly crop duster.

Despite the odds, Dusty manages to qualify for a massive race across the globe with some help from his hometown automotive friends (Brad Garrett and Teri Hatcher) and a grumpy but wise loner named Skipper (Stacy Keach). There, he faces off against a talented fleet of racers, representing broad stereotypes from across the globe.

There’s a friendly Spanish plane dressed as a luchador, an alluring French-Canadian plane, a tea-drinking proper Brit plane and a jerk hotshot named Ripslinger who must win at all costs. Okay, that last one isn’t a racial cliché, but he is a boring cliché of a sports movie villain, complete with a duo of dim-witted cronies.

Dusty flies from scenic race checkpoint to scenic race checkpoint, making friends with his competitors (except for the egomaniacal showboat Ripslinger) and battling his own personal fear: heights. That’s right, folks; the plane is afraid of heights. Oh, the kooky, snooze-worthy irony.

Despite all of the references to "Cars" on the posters and in the trailers, "Planes" is by no means a Pixar product (Pixar czar John Lasseter is given a story credit). It’s actually a DisneyToon production, the studio behind direct-to-DVD stuff like "Cinderella III: A Twist in Time" and "Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch." "Planes" was originally set for the bargain bin too, but last year, Disney decided to put a splashy layer of paint on the film and throw it into theatres for an extra buck.

A sequel, "Planes: Fire & Rescue," is already set for next July, and the big shiny "World of ‘Cars’" logo that opens the film hints that more spin-offs are coming in the future. Wake me up when they get around to "Segways."

The film’s close affiliation with "Cars" begs the comparison to Pixar, which is unfortunate since "Planes" lacks any of the elements that makes the renowned studio’s work – even the "Cars" franchise, arguably their worst efforts – so beloved. It plays less like a suitable successor or follow-up and more like a cheap knock-off of a Pixar movie … which is exactly what it is.

The bland humor is almost exclusively aimed at those who can count their age on two hands. Some of the humor is so vanilla and childish that the jokes may not even register to the adults in the crowd. The story follows suit, delivering a dull, by-the-numbers tale about believing in yourself and being nice to others filled with uninteresting, one-note characters and tension-free dilemmas.

Skipper’s military backstory is the closest the story gets to emotionally complex, but even that is simply another take on the typical grumpy mentor with a wounded past. It’s the least tired cliché in a movie filled with tired clichés.

Even the animation looks off. There’s often a lack of texture, the characters’ movements look stiff, and this new plane-centric section of the "Cars" universe just seems small and empty.

Watch "Monsters University" (once again, not even Pixar on its A-game). Look how much life and detail is crammed into every vibrant frame. It really creates a world that I feel I could easily go back to and find something new. With "Planes," besides some rousingly captured flight sequences and the occasional Vertigo-inducing swirling cloud flourish, there’s barely enough to keep you interested in this world the first time through.

To be fair, there’s nothing harmful about "Planes." The target audience will likely be happy, and despite its money-grabbing origins, the film has a hint of modest sweetness that could’ve been a nice alternative from the crazy, hyperkinetic antics that usually inhabit animated movies. There’s just nothing all that interesting either.

It’s the airplane food of animated movies: ho hum and flavorless, but technically edible when desperate enough and given the right environment. For most families, that environment will be exactly where "Planes" was originally destined: the DVD player.

Matt Mueller Culture Editor

As much as it is a gigantic cliché to say that one has always had a passion for film, Matt Mueller has always had a passion for film. Whether it was bringing in the latest movie reviews for his first grade show-and-tell or writing film reviews for the St. Norbert College Times as a high school student, Matt is way too obsessed with movies for his own good.

When he's not writing about the latest blockbuster or talking much too glowingly about "Piranha 3D," Matt can probably be found watching literally any sport (minus cricket) or working at - get this - a local movie theater. Or watching a movie. Yeah, he's probably watching a movie.