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Milwaukee's Daily Magazine for Saturday, Oct. 25, 2014

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Should we add a lady to the lineup?
Should we add a lady to the lineup?

A female racing sausage?

I was feeling a little blah today – thanks, seven-year winter – when I received a message from my pal Lisa Roe asking me and OnMilwaukee.com food writer / contributor Lori Fredrich what our thoughts are about including a female racing sausage to the Brewers’ lineup.

"Has anyone ever petitioned for a lady link?" Roe asked us.

Neither Lori nor I had ever heard of anyone hankering for a "she sausage" (OK, maybe pun intended on HANKering) and so we went on to brainstorm what one might be named.

I immediately ruled out a veggie anything. After all, women are way meatier than that. 

Lori, not surprisingly as a gifted food writer, came up with some gems like "Boudin Blanc" and "Andouillette."

"Linguica," a type of pork sausage, we nixed because it sounded kinda dirty.

Lori then suggested a "blood sausage" which Lisa stated was "spot on."

(Maybe this conversation is not fit for public consumption. Meh, against my better judgment I’ll keep going.)

I came up with the kinda-lame "Sally Salami" and then I was out. "Betty Braunchweiger" was also briefly discussed, but Lori said because of the "Braun" in the name she would probably have to look like Ryan Braun – at least a little bit.

We also briefly considered the fact that perhaps the sausage mascots weren’t all men. Maybe one of them was actually a handsome woman? … Nah.

Lori then hit the jackpot, in my opinion, with "Hot Italian." I immediately "saw" her in my mind – rounding third, her long, curly dark hair billowing behind her. Maybe a red and white checkered dress snugly draped on her oblong body.

She'd also need a hat, since all of the other racers have one. Something wide brimmed and floppy, perhaps. Or a female-ish fedora might work, too.

"I think she rides a Vespa," wrote Lori.

"She certainly doesn’t wear stilettos," I typed back. "She’d never win a race that way. But she’s definitely racy."

We went back and forth for a few more minutes and finally decided we were uncertain as to whether a female sausage was a good addition to the Brewers collection of mascots or not, but we would throw it out there for further discussion.

After all, as Lori pointed out, even the dog’s a dude.

Talkbacks

emills81 | April 4, 2014 at 3:36 p.m. (report)

Fredia the Tofurkey, Maggie Meat loaf, Kelly Kielbasa. How about condiments? Molly Mustard, Kourtney Kraut

Maybe adding more than 1 female is a good idea. No lady likes being the only gal at a sausage party.

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