There are a lot of things Janeane Garofalo does not do – drink alcohol, strengthen her core, shave her eyebrows (once was enough) – but there are even more things that she will do like put an entire baby foot in her mouth, geek out about "The Puppy Bowl" and call out Olive Garden.
"I’m sorry, but there is no culinary institute in Tuscany, Olive Garden," she reported tonight while delivering 90-minutes of comedy and conversation at the Turner Hall Ballroom.
Garofalo, 51, appeared small and fit, wearing leggings (which she later disclosed at Spanx) with combats boots, a flowy top that exposed her tattooed shoulders and black-rimmed glasses.
"When you get older, wear glasses," she said. "And remember that your eyebrows are sisters, not twins."
Not that it matters, but Garofalo would have passed for 38; however, she continuously brought up her age. But luckily for the audience the way she did so was funny.
"People ask me why I dress like this, and I agree with you, but I’m not ready for Eileen Fisher," she said.
Garofalo went on to reference old school memories like "The Match Game," storing balled-up tissues in the sleeve of her shirt and proclaimed herself to be a Luddite, a non-believer in gluten or peanut allergies and a shameless smoker.
"A lot of you are smokers, too, but you just don’t buy cigarettes," she said. "And when you ask me to buy a cigarette, you have no intention to pay for one, and I am not going to charge you, but there will be a lighting fee."
At one point Garofalo called herself "a grandma" even though she also made it clear she does not have children nor did she want any – except when she was shoving an entire baby foot in her mouth.
"Kids offer diminishing returns after the age of 7," she said.
But it was also strikingly clear that Garofalo was no fuddy-duddy. Instead, she was extremely mobile – sitting criss-cross on the stage, walking back and forth, journeying out into the audience and hilariously feigning a need for hel…Read more...