Being apart from the person you're currently seeing can be a nice break. As you get closer, it can become easy to take it for granted that thee other person will always be around.
The novelty can wear off a bit, as harsh as that may sound, and it can be nice to remember what it felt like to miss them. That feeling you get in your stomach when you see them again.
We all need time to ourselves or time away, even if we aren't good at being alone or apart, each of us needs that now and then. However, if time apart routinely leads to conflict, it's important to know why. Whether we're talking about a 10-day vacation or just a night on our own, does time apart equal "out of sight, out of mind," or does absence truly make the heart grow fonder?
When you travel out of town on business or vacation and you've left your special someone up to their own devices, you're likely either too busy with work-related events or too busy doing nothing more than slugging back margaritas and getting a tan to spend much time wondering what they're up to.
It can be easy to find yourself -- not forgetting that other person exists but -- just forgetting that you promised to call at a particular time. We all know time doesn't exist in places like the Bahamas or Las Vegas. Not calling on time isn't devastating by any means, but to the person hoping you will call it's frustrating and a little hurtful. While you want the other person to enjoy him or herself, it's not particularly pleasant to get the impression that you're the absolute last thing on their mind.
Everyone knows those couples that refuse to leave one another due to insecurity, the ones that can barely handle going to the bathroom separately; we all know we do not want to be one of those couples. It's not good for you on a personal level to constantly be with someone and it's not good for your relationship. Neither are constant phone calls, texts or e-mails when you're away. (By the way, this does not apply to pregnant couples. If she's calling, you had better pick up that phone.)
When you do have the chance to be apart, you should use it for yourself, not spend the entire time using up your rollover minutes. Checking in to let the other person know you are A) Alive and B) Thinking about them; can go a long way. A quick message implying or better yet, saying flat out, "I'm thinking about you" means a lot to a person.
If it's been an issue in the past and you've brought up how much you count on a timely phone call, e-mail or text a few times a day and the person still leaves you hanging, then you can begin questioning.
If they know this is something you need, then its truly thoughtless not to remember a simple "goodnight" text to ease your mind. Now, I'm not suggesting that setting out an itinerary of call times throughout the day is reasonable by any standard; we know those couples, too, and no one likes them either, but to be able to know that at some point throughout a 24-hour span you will hear from this person is reassuring.
Truly, this is just a matter of treating the other person the way you would want to be treated if the roles were reversed. Obviously, there needs to be a happy medium between constant, "who, what, when, where, why" calls and the silent treatment. Just use your brain. If you've got a minute here or there, make an effort to include the other person in your day.
And, let's not forget the best part about being apart ... Even if absence does nothing to your heart, it usually has quite an effect on the slightly less emotional bits and pieces of your anatomy. Use it to your advantage. Reunion sex is hot because you can get a glimpse of that new feeling again. That slightly nervous, yet intensely excited feeling of having sex after days or even weeks without each other. Send some teasing, dirty messages via text or voicemail (preferably their cell, rather than work phone) to let them know you're really ready to see them again.
Is it fondness that has our heart in knots as we reunite with the one we love, or is it that we've simply had enough time to forget all the little things they do that drive us nuts? Better yet, does it have nothing to do with our hearts and everything to do with pent-up sex drive? You really have to answer this one for yourself.
Happy homecoming!
No, the OnMilwaukee.com sex columnist's real name is not Sarah Foster. (Foster is the model/actress that played an ex-lover of Vincent Chase in the first season of "Entourage.") In reality, our sex columnist is a Wisconsin native with a degree in journalism and a knack for getting people to talk to her.
Sarah never considered herself an "above average" listener. Others, however, seem to think differently. Perhaps she has a sympathetic tone or expression that compels people to share their lives and secrets with her despite how little they know her. Everyone from the girl that does her hair to people in line at the grocery store routinely spill the details of their lives and relationships to Sarah, unprompted but typically not unwanted. It’s strange to her that people would do this, but she doesn’t mind. Sarah likes that she can give advice even if it is to complete strangers.
So why the pseudonym? Simple. People tell Sarah these things because for some reason they trust her. They believe she cares and therefore will keep their secrets in a locked vault the same way a best friend or therapist would. Sarah won't name names, but that vault is now unlocked.
