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Milwaukee's Daily Magazine for Tuesday, Oct. 21, 2014

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Just when you thought it was gone ...
Just when you thought it was gone ...

It's all about the sauce

I fell head over heels into Beatlemania, briefly thought Dylan was talking to me and got totally caught up in "Born To Run" Springsteen hype.

So it should come as no surprise that I am greatly affected by the return of McRib. Welcome back!

The other day the street buzz and my hankering got so bad I ate three at once (true!)

Maybe it is the diabetes talking, but I really think I thought of something earth shattering that day. I am about to tell you something about McDonald's that may very well cause you to never think about them the same way again! Ready?

But first, let me just say that if you are rolling your eyes about McDonald's (and not just the lack of self-control I had the other day by eating three McRibs), get off your high horse. I can fine dine around the globe with the best of them, but there are millions more of us McD eaters than not. Maybe billions. So somebody is eating there.

Here is my revelation: MCDONALD'S IS ALL ABOUT THE SAUCE!!

Think about it. Take the McRib, for example. Why is it so tasty? Certainly not the fine cut of rib meat. I am not sure it is even meat. And by the way, the fact that they not only form the virtual rib bumps but also paint on the grill marks, does nothing for me. But ohhh, that sauce is very, very nice.

Now lets move on to the Big Mac. What is it about that unique taste? Newsflash ... that's not Kobe beef we are talking about. But that pseudo thousand island sauce makes the meal.

The filet of fish isn't anyone's idea of cuisine, but tell me that tartar sauce is not some of the best on the entire planet.

Somebody tried to trip me up on this thinking by asking about the venerable Quarter Pounder. I am not calling them evil, but that ketchup has something in it that goes beyond the simple tomato ... and right to my addictive taste buds (OK, that one may just be sugar. But it is good ketchup).

Are you with me now? They are so smart! They focus on sauce, which not accidentally may be the least costly item in each food choice. It probably costs them less in sauce than packaging. But they have sauce down to an art.

I was talking to Roz at WKLH the other day about my theory, and before I could finish, she raved about some limited-time sauce they once had for McNuggets. My point exactly! Was she looking forward to the savory hot dog like concoction that makes up the actual nugget? I think not. But the way she went on about the sauce, I would venture to guess if I had some with me she would have accepted cardboard scraps dipped into it.

And finally, my final point. Even the salads have Paul Newman dressing. And as good of an actor as he was, he was Oscar worthy as a sauce supplier!

So even better than that stray french fry that shows up in the bottom of the bag (even when you don't order fries), remember IT IS ALL ABOUT THE SAUCE.

Am I right? Or in the words of Paul Simon:

When you're weary, feeling small
When tears are in your eyes

I will dry them all

I'm on your side

When times get rough

And friends just can't be found

After eating 3 McRibs and a bottled water
I need to lay me down

Talkbacks

rbritton (Roz) | Nov. 16, 2010 at 5:07 p.m. (report)

"Big Ups" to you Steve for including me in your blog! For all you bloggers/readers who are curious about the McDonald's chicken nugget sauce I was referring to, it was the "sweet chili sauce" that they had when they were promoting the Olympics a while back. I went and got some every chance I could get. I even "rationed" it out at home! I was like "Black Columbo" ("what do you want sweet chili sauce for"?) whenever anyone in my house wanted some. That sauce is so good it will make you "slap somebody into a coma"!

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juligrniis | Nov. 16, 2010 at 4:02 p.m. (report)

Bottled water? No, no, no. It should've been a chocolate shake, which somehow ALWAYS tastes like a combo chocolate/strawberry, as those neopolitan ice cream is dripping from the shake nozzle. I'm sorry, but if you tossed your glucose meter to the wind w/3 McRibs, it should'a been a shake.

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