Tuesday May 19th, 2009 - Greenfield, WI

   Three days of creative freedom and now this - the grand slam. Tonight I was asked to be the host of the bikini contest at Hooter’s in Greenfield, WI. Oh, alright. Twist my arm. I’ll force myself to trudge through and put in another day on the rock pile. Work, work, work.

   My friend Drew Olson has been hosting this event for the past couple of years as part of his radio gig but tonight he had to appear on TV for the Brewers so he gave my name as a replacement. The dear lad. I’ll have to make sure he and his are taken care of in my will.

   Actually the gig was a lot of fun. I have done a couple of events for Hooters before and I always enjoy working for them. I was in Florida some years ago and got to host a similar couple of events down there that were also well run. Those people are very professional.

   My contact here was a guy named Bob who I assume is in management. He was easy to deal with and very friendly and the whole night was like a night off. All I had to do was to announce the girls as a group and as individuals and keep the flow moving. Piece of cake.

   The event was held in a tent in the parking lot and a lot of effort was put into making it a success. Bob and the staff were right on it and it came off without a hitch. There were a total of 23 contestants from Hooters locations in Green Bay, Appleton and Rockford, IL.

   Most of the girls were between about 18 and 22 and I realized immediately that I am not from the same planet they are. I have nothing to say to any of them other than hello. I’m a completely different animal than all of them and it was funny to read their contest bios.

   They listen to music by people I’ve never heard of and as they paraded on stage I don’t think I recognized more than one or two songs out of the 23. They were born in the ‘80s and ‘90s and almost all of them were young enough to be my daughter. I felt very old.

   The Hooters people handled everything with class as I’ve come to expect from them in my experience. They didn’t want it to be dirty and I didn’t take it there. I tried to pump up every contestant and there were no dogs in the group at all. I thought every one was up to very high standards and growing up in Milwaukee I don’t remember that kind of quality.

   The hard part was narrowing the field. There were some total knockouts in the line but I could see the disappointment in some of their eyes when they didn’t make the final five. I know the feeling from having been in comedy contests over the years. It rots ass to lose.

   I don’t think young women have any idea the power they have. These girls were totally hot and there weren’t any losers in the bunch. Any guy should have been thrilled to have a chance at any one of them but most guys that age are complete idiots. I know I sure was.

   I passed up chances at tons of hot women then because I wanted to ‘focus on my career’ for a while. Ha. What a mistake. Now these women look at me like I’m their dad’s friend.