Grasshoppers,

I know what you are thinking when you first see the mini parade of slightly intoxicated women, streaming into your choice of a drinking establishment at 11 p.m. on a Saturday.  You're thinking "lots of cute drunk girls" would make for easy pickings.  I'm here to tell you,, nothing could be further from the truth.

The modern bachelorette party--complete with penis popsicles, suck-for-a-buck shirts, and silly tieras--is the ultimate c--k block.  You have a better chance of scoring on Kevin Garnett than you do scoring with one of the bachelorette partygoers.

News flash:  women are emotional creatures, and the one emotion that runs strongest on bachelorette night is the unwillingness to make bad decisions and make a fool out of yourself.  That's left to the bride-to-be, and in most cases, the remainder of the girls spend the night mothering her.  That, sadly, leaves little or no opportunity for debauchery.  

Men in packs are more likely to do stupid things...kind of like dogs or boys in grade school.  Women in packs are more likely to huddle up and take care of one another, ensuring that "Drunk Nicki" doesn't go home with some random dude.  It is a damn shame, I know.

You can meet a girl at a bachelorette party, but don't even try to take her home that night.  Meeting them is difficult enough--the ladies are there to glorify their friend or relative who will be marching down the aisle, not to meet a man, so be polite and engaging, but don't hang around long.  Talk her up, get her digits, and move on for the night.  That's the best play.

The good news?  While the bachelor party may be "hands off" night, any wedding is the exact opposite.  Women *love* weddings, they tend to drink too much because they are subconsciously depressed about not having a man or a man worthy of marriage, and often, a hotel room is involved.  These factors make for a perfect storm in terms of the opportunity to get a little strange.  Weddings are truly the land of opportunity, just be absolutely certain that she's not some distant relative.

Good luck, fellas.

The PGG Crew