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Readers Blog: Dobie Maxwell's 'Dented Can' Diary

Random Seat Karma

Saturday October 23rd, 2010 - New Orleans, LA

   Maybe my fortunes are changing for the better after all. My ‘seat karma’ on airplanes or buses has been horrendous over the years. Usually if there’s only one unwashed odiferous funky foreigner on board, there’s only one place he or she will end up - right next to me.

   I’ve gotten the morbidly obese, vomiting toddlers, fossilized humanoids from Paleozoic times and of course it’s always on the longest and most unbearable trips. On planes, I’m a magnet for the middle seat, usually between two totally opposite but equally undesirables.

   I couldn’t miss the full moon last night as I walked from my car to the house and hoped it wouldn’t carry over until today. It didn’t. I managed to wake up on time for once and be at Jim McHugh’s house right when I said I would. He was up this time and everything we planned came off without a hitch. We made it to the airport and even security was easy.

   I knew I had a middle seat I and got on first waiting to see what hand fate would deal on  this particular day. I’ve long given up hoping for the hot women, as that just doesn’t work in my world. Well, not until today. I had THE piping hottest blonde I’ve seen in my entire life come out of nowhere and plop down next to me. I asked her to double check her seat.

   She said it was hers alright and I couldn’t believe it. No rings, either. She smelled like a combination of heaven and the Garden of Eden and I quickly reexamined my doubts as to whether there is a supreme being or not. She was so smoking hot I couldn’t concentrate.

   Thirty seconds later some guy with a Cleveland Browns throwback jersey started down the aisle, and was particularly loud and a bit obnoxious sounding. He ended up being my flank mate in the window seat, and I thought it would be Heaven and Hell side by side.

   Turns out it was exactly the opposite. The guy was really cool his family owns a sports bar in the Dayton, OH area and he was going to New Orleans to see the Browns play the Saints tomorrow. We talked sports the whole way, and it was really fun. Then, to make it almost a Penthouse letter, the hot blondie joined in and turns out was a huge sports fan.

   This just doesn’t happen to Mr. Lucky. Maybe I was in the wrong seat, but whatever it was for this one day I enjoyed every minute of this flight. The woman turned out to be an attorney on business in town for a day. I gave her my card and whether it’s already in the New Orleans airport trash or not, sitting next to her and talking sports was pure ecstasy.

   The sports guy was great too. He knew I knew my stuff, as did he, and that’s when it’s fun talking sports with a fan of another team. It made the flight go by in a flash, and he’s booked comedy shows in the past so maybe I’ll even get work out of it. I‘d love that too.

   Then, on the ship I did the ‘Welcome Aboard’ show and really nailed it. I felt at home up there and didn’t use up any of my best material like I did last week. I’m getting better and I was prepared when I got on stage. So far, so great. Let’s see how this week goes.

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milwgreg | Oct. 26, 2010 at 3:43 p.m. (report)

36100 try for better seating on airlines

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