A Helpless Feeling

Saturday June 16th, 2012 – Grafton, WI

No matter how low or out of touch I have ever felt in my life, it has never been low to the point that I can’t volunteer my time and energy to help someone else if at all possible. It’s just the right thing to do, and I try my best to give what I can for the right reasons. Nothing else matters much.

I don’t know why it’s so important to me to be of service, but it totally is. I want to be one who is known for being generous, but I can’t help thinking that’s a selfish motive. Why do I want that reputation? I don’t know. Does it make me feel better about my shortcomings? Maybe, but that’s not what motivates me to do it. I just like the vibe I get when someone receives help or pleasure.

It doesn’t even have to be anything major. Sometimes just a smile or a tiny nod of appreciation for opening a door or a sincere wave of thanks when I let someone merge in traffic can make me feel like a million bucks. I know I made a difference, minuscule as it may be. I really enjoy that.

I think that’s why I love teaching comedy classes so much. Seeing someone who wants to be a comedian more than anything get their chance to make that happen is a rush. I can feel wonderful energy coming out of the receiver, and it makes me want to do it more. It’s the purest high ever.

In a way, performing is like that. When an audience is having a good time and laughing, that is THE best feeling I’ve ever experienced. Then, when people line up to tell me how much fun they had or how hard they laughed it feels even better. In a way that’s being of service, and that’s who I am and what I want to be about. It means a whole lot more than being rich for my own benefit.

That doesn’t mean I don’t want to be rich though. I definitely do. I want to have enough money for the basics of life, but the rest I’ll more than likely give away. It may sound corny or sappy but I couldn’t be any more sincere. That’s why it’s so frustrating to be in the position I’m in now. All I want is to use my creative ability to make others happy. Money shouldn’t be an issue - but it is.

This morning I drove to Grafton, WI to volunteer my time to support an event called ‘Tour De Cure’ for the American Diabetes Association. It’s an annual bike ride that raises both money and awareness for the disease, and it was my pleasure to show up and offer my help. I just wish I had more to give. I met some very nice people, but I really didn’t have that much to do. I felt useless.

They were nice enough to have me speak briefly at the starting line before various groups went off on their individual rides. There were several different levels of riders, some more experienced than others. I was supposed to thank them for riding to benefit those like me who were diagnosed with the disease, and I did, but nobody there knew who I was and I felt like a complete imbecile.

This is where the power of celebrity would really help. I would want to use it to give the riders a boost, maybe make them even more excited they showed up for the cause. Instead, all I did was stand there for a couple of minutes having a bunch of people stare at me wondering who I was or why I was there. I wish I could have had some clout, as it would have been a lot more fun for all of us. I did my best, and if they ask me to show up again I’ll do it. I just wish I could help more.

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