They say the best writing is concise writing. Say the most, with the fewest words. Let's talk NFL. Here goes ...

1. What if the Vikings win the division after starting 1-4, the Whore Cruise on Lake Minnetonka, Dante going down, Tice's knee injury, Smoot's mouth and everything else? It could happen. Brace yourself.

2. The Lions want bonus money back from cokehead wideout Charles Rogers. Somebody try to convince me they are wrong.

3. Steve Belichick, Bill's dad, looked just like Junior Soprano. Rest in peace.

4. Steve Smith caught 14 balls for 169 yards in a three-point outing for Carolina last week. That has to be a record for WR production in a three-point game, right?

5. How come there's no countdown hype to Al Michaels final games calling MNF? Who will give us the hidden "over/under" Easter eggs after midnight when he's gone?

6. Does the cheerleader have Chad Johnson in a legally obligated position to actually put a ring on her finger and get hitched? Somebody, please call a lawyer. She does have compelling video evidence.

7. Eli Manning + New York City = lots of hype for the 18th rated NFL passer.

8. Shane Lechler just broke a stat for consecutive games with a 50 yard punt. Who keeps track of this stuff?

9. Everyone (like Peter King) keeps saying how they "like" Kyle Orton so much. Well, he's still #30 in rating, behind Joey Harrington, J.P. Losman and Gus Frerotte.

10. Once upon a time not too long ago, the Redskins were offered Adawale Ogunleye straight up for Patrick Ramsey. They refused. Great job.

11. Surely, the name "Samkon Gado" will be the answer to an orange pie slice in the "Genius Edition" of Trivial Pursuit 2020.

12. Here's Ron Mexico's last three games under center. 31-30-38 attempts. 743 total yards passing. Five touchdowns, 0 INTs. I'm impressed, just not yet sold.

13. Can we have Michael Irvin and Shannon Sharpe in a Week 17 game of "The Dozens" on a neutral network like Fox? I'm ready to pay for that.

14. Worst Uniforms/Logo Scheme: Jaguars, Panthers, Patriots. In that order.

15. Best Uniforms/Logo Scheme, Old School Division: Jets, Raiders, Dolphins.

16. Best Unforms/Logo Scheme, New School Division. Texans, Broncos, Rams.

17. What would you rather have (and the money works out about the same)? Champ Bailey (5INTs) and Tatum Bell (6.0 ypc, 5 TDs). OR Clinton Portis (4.4 ypc, 5TDs). Right.

18. Ricky Williams might just be tradable after all.

19. Neil Rackers is now 31-31 on FGs for the Cardinals. All-time consecutive mark is 41 by Vanderjagt over two seasons. Single season mark is 37-37 by the same guy.

20. The prosecutor in Cleveland wants actual jail time for the idiot that stole the ball from Brett Favre. Not only that, but I say he should have to serve it wearing lipstick the whole time at a FedMax facility.

21. Billy Cundiff is back for the Cowboys at kicker. "Billy Cundiff." That name belongs in a spaghetti western, doesn't it?

22. Punter Jeff Feagles has broken Jim Marshall's consecutive games played streak at 282. Can he now get "Iron Man" stitched on his bath towels, or would that be a bit presumptuous?

23. How come "Cadillac" Williams is not yet actually endorsing Cadillacs? Perhaps they think they are getting it for free anyway?

24. "Pac Man" Jones is impossibly small when you watch him run. They list him at 5-11, 187. Pish-posh. No way. It makes it more impressive that he can be so damn fast on those little stump legs of his.

25. Oh yeah, it's Carnell and Adam, in case you forgot. The NFL.com website makes SURE to list their nicknames, since I can bet that most fans would be saying, "Who the F is Adam Jones?"

26. Mike Vrabel has 6 TD catches for a career at linebacker. Is that a record? Plus, anytime he checks into a game, shouldn't you double-cover him?

27. Not only is Ladanian Tomlinson the best, most explosive, most versatile back in the league, he's also the most humble. I wouldn't mind him doing something silly in the end zone, but the retro-cool flip of the football to the ref is awesome.

28. Here's a great visual. "Brooks Bollinger had to leave the game with a concussion that left him vomiting on the sideline." Of course, as fans, we just vomit in our mouth when our team does something stupid.

29. Last week, the ESPN game was Chiefs-Texans. This week, it's Saints-Jets. On the one hand, that's an abomination. On the other hand, I get a deep satisfaction in knowing that the most irritating announce crew has to suffer like this.

30. Can Chris Berman please stop showing the video clip of him catching a pass with a creamsicle Tampa Bay uniform? And the one of him right after "The Catch" at Candlestick. And the one where he sings with Huey Lewis. And the one.... Well, you get the point. If you want us to watch home movies, invite us to your house.

31. The Niners are playing improbably hard for such a bad team. After giving up 52 to the Skins, they've won a game, and lost two others by just 8 and 2 points. They are 3-1 ATS in that span.

32. Not only should the Colts openly embrace the thought of going 16-0, I want them to try to become the first NFL team to score 100.

33. I think the only team that would scare the Colts in the AFC Championship would be San Diego, and they might not even get into January. Denver? Please.

34. What if somebody, somewhere, somehow, DID uncover a formula that produces 80% winners ATS? Every week. Would that shut down NFL gambling once and for all?

35. How about instead of spending $500 million to bring a Super Bowl to Kansas City, why not just spend half that and fly every adult in town to a Super Bowl of their choice?

36. Joe Pendry is an idiot. Throwing an eight yard out pass at the end of the first half that gets run back for a TD. Kicking a field goal when his 1-8 team was trailing 31-14 at home. Great work.

37. Its just a crazy idea, but here goes. Next year, Reggie Bush, Philip Rivers and T.O. - all wearing Jets uniforms. And if you want to really get nuts, throw in Charlie Weis on the sidelines.

38. I don't know why, but I love that guy with the orange and black striped Star Wars stormtrooper outfit at Bengals games. I wonder though, is he considered an apostate to the hard core Star Wars nerds?

39. If the Eagles were forced to bring T.O. back to practice, what if they just made him run wind sprints the entire time. And had him practice on special teams. Treat him like a rookie. Wouldn't that be great?

40. I remember how Brian Billick said this summer that Jamal Lewis was "looking great" after coming out of prison, and even hinted that the "structured environment" behind bars had been good for him. I guess that opinion is now "no longer operative," as they say in the military.