This is the time of year when every trite and hackneyed sports columnist writes a New Year's column, trying to be funny, cute and meaningful at the same time.

What they do is come up with a bunch of resolutions and wishes that they would love to see fulfilled in the coming year.

Never let it be said that I can't be just as trite and hackneyed as the next columnist on the block, so here goes, for 2009. (Can you believe it's really 2009?)

* I wish Prince Fielder would become the poster boy for the Wisconsin Beef Council in an effort to hit 50 home runs and have 100 RBI.

* I wish Ted Thompson would learn the following lyrics, from the "Wizard of Oz "song, "If I Only Had a Brain," sung by the Scarecrow:

"I would dance and be merry
Life would be a ding-a-derry
If I only had a brain."

* I resolve to actually go to an Admirals game, something I haven't done since Phil Whitliff was skating around the rink.

* I wish the Bucks would turn into a good team and make a deep run in the playoffs. I can't think of any group that deserves it more.

* I resolve to stop writing about how stupid the Packers were to send Brett Favre packing. I will continue to believe that. I just won't write about it anymore. (Remember, please, that resolutions are meant to be broken).

* I resolve to ignore the sports advice of anyone who chose Plaxico Burress for his fantasy football team. Anyone who would pick someone who would shoot himself deserves to be ignored.

* I wish Rickie Weeks, who seems like such a nice guy, would finally live up to his tremendous potential. If he doesn't, I wish Doug Melvin would get rid of him.

* I wish Mark Attanasio would take note of the difficult economic times and order his ticket office to price all seats at $5 for the months of April, May, June, July and August.

* I wish Andrew Bogut would smile occasionally.

* I wish Jerry Kelly or Steve Stricker would win a major golf tournament.

* I wish somebody would give me the recipe for Secret Stadium Sauce.

* I wish Aaron Rodgers would drop the F-bomb when discussing Packers fans that can't get over the trade of Brett Favre.

* I resolve to give the Admirals a breather from my unrelenting criticism of them as an irrelevant piece of the sporting pie in this city. I'll still think that, I just won't say it out loud or write about it.

* I really, really wish that Barry Alvarez would leave his ivory tower and go back to being the head coach of the University of Wisconsin football team. I mean, I really wish that.

* I wish all golf courses in southeastern Wisconsin would take note of the economy and lower the 18-hole rate to $15 for the months of April, May, June, July and August.

* I wish Chris Capuano would defy the odds and become a 15-game winner for the Brewers this season.

* I wish Chicago would be awarded the 2016 Summer Olympics when the IOC meets Oct. 2. I also hope Milwaukee gets to act as a satellite site for some of the events.

* I wish that Roger Goodell would recognize a debt and find a way to pay lots of money to all those old pro football players who can hardly walk, can't afford their medications and sometimes even go hungry.

* I wish Bo Ryan and Buzz Williams would meet in a Sweet 16 final of the NCAA tournament in March. How cool would that be?

* I resolve to finally write a column about Bob Uecker, who, along with beer and bratwurst, is one of the very best things ever to come out of Milwaukee. If I quote Uecker, I resolve to keep all the profanity out. Which will make it a very short quote.

* I wish Herb Kohl would take note of the economy and try to bring new fans to his team by lowering all tickets to $5 for January, February, March and April.

* I resolve to find a way to say nice things about people and things that deserve it. That includes Jon McGlocklin, the Wave, Mark Tauscher, Ryan Pickett, Bill Castro, both Steinmiller boys, Palermo's pizza, Steve Sazama, Jerry Cohen, Ma Fischer's, Terri Mitchell, the Homer, Bob Jeter, Lance Leipold, Wes Matthews, Joe Bartolotta and Sandy D'Amato, Bill Schroeder, Doug Melvin, Gary Ellerson and all the talkbackers at OnMilwaukee.com, even the ones who are jerks.

* I also resolve to keep an eye on people and things that deserve a little scrutiny. That includes Ryan Braun, Nick Barnett, Charlie Bell, Bret Bielma, Ted Thompson and Mike McCarthy, Ryan Grant, Aaron Rodgers, Michael Redd, the Bonecrushers, Ken Macha, Natalie Gulbis, Mark Attanasio, A. J. Hawk, Kincaid's, Wikipedia and the FedEx Cup.

* Most of all -- I wish everyone who reads OnMilwaukee.com would tell someone who doesn't know about it. And I wish all of those people, readers and non-readers, have a successful 2009 where all the expected good things happen and all the unexpected bad things don't.