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Milwaukee's Daily Magazine for Tuesday, July 29, 2014

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In Sports Commentary

A solution to watching your favorite teams at once? Load up on TVs.

Bucks, Brewers, Packers Oh My - a necessary fan guide


Today is a rare, rare day in the world of professional sports in Wisconsin.

All of our teams, the Bucks, Packers and Brewers are all in their seasons, all at the same time. Granted, it's the last days for the Brewers and the first few for the Bucks, but they are all in action.

On one hand it's a wonderful time of year. On the other, it presents a potential problem for fans who want to read about, and see about, and hear about all of those teams.

I mean, many of us have jobs that require us to do something and a lot of us have families who need at least a little bit of attention. In addition we all need to eat, we all need to sleep, we all need to go to the bathroom

We can't spend 24-7 being fans. So in order to keep getting all the information, which is the critical element in being a great fan, we need some help.

Some ideas to help in this task include:

Additional TV Sets – Call American and Best Buy and order a big screen TV. Make sure there is an unconditional 90-day guarantee. Take advantage of the multi-month payment plans. Have the TVs installed, adjacent to your own TV. Then after you don't need all these TVs, return to the store. They will even pick them up. Two things to be concerned about. Those pesky remote controls may control more than one set. Also, if your TV is in your living room, your wife might not be too pleased. Tough.

Block Watch – I know the typical block watch is designed to watch for delinquent kids who might steal a bike or something. But you can make your block watch do something much more important. Establish a sharing program of VHS tapes of sporting events. You need to use the tapes so that you can share them. Create a library of events. Catalog it by baseball, football and baseball. Hire a librarian to run the thing. They don't get paid much. If the block watch balks, call a cop who is a sports fan. Block watchers always obey the cops.

Find a kid – There is all kind of stuff you can do on today's television sets and the World Wide Web. Find a kid who knows this stuff (that is just abut any kid under the age o 20). Have that kid lift the NBA, MLB and NFL packages off a satellite service. Hook your computer into your TV. Have the kid pirate Netflix, Hulu and itunes and whoever else carries a little bit of sports.

Food – Calls for some critical decisions. Almost anything you can eat with your hands is okay. But there are some things that are specifically prohibited. Spinach Artichoke dip. Any seafood except shrimp and sardines. Puffy things, except cheese puffs. Liver. Cheese from another country. No sweet treats without chocolate. Can't have snacks that don't have salt. Lots of salt.

No drinks without alcohol, except for water which will flush your system so you can eat and drink more. No food from animals that fly, except chicken wings. No wine spritzers. No wine. No spritzer. No little foods with flowered toothpicks in them, but you should use toothpicks for what they are intended. No marshmallow fluff or any other kind of fluff, including Jello.

This triple-up won't last too long, but you can get the post game rambling on the Brewers, the full blown coverage of the Packers and the hopeful coverage of the Bucks all at once if you just go about it the right way.

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