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In Sports Commentary

Would you want this man (Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban) owning the Brewers?

If Attanasio sells, who comes next?


OK, so we've got Ryan Braun locked up through 2020. The question is who is going to sign his big, big checks if he doesn't have direct deposit.

We have gotten plenty of denials about Mark Attanasio being a leading candidate to purchase the downtrodden Los Angeles Dodgers. He says no way. But remember how many times you heard the line "Ned Yost is our manager and he has our full support."

Talk about a fire sale. There isn't a better time to buy a major league team than now, at least as far as the Dodgers go. Bud Selig is taking over control of the team. He's going to force a sale.

Attanasio loves California. He loves L.A. He loves Hollywood. He loves making deals. He lives for the deal. He is most certainly not a Milwaukee type of guy. His son plays in a rock and roll band and his dad used his influence to get them booked at Summerfest.

So, although we love what Attanasio has done, we must prepare ourselves to say goodbye. His denial is probably solid right now, but things change. I mean these are the Dodgers.

Let's assume that Attanasio is going back to L.A. He can't own both the Dodgers and the Brewers. Who can or should buy this team? Surprisingly, there are lots of candidates.

Mark Cuban – Okay. Forget the fact that he's crazy and that he was an absolute joke on "Dancing With The Stars." He is a huge celebrity, he's got more money than God, he loves to spend his money, he creates a climate for success for athletes, players love him and all the luxuries he provides. We are used to absentee ownership but Cuban loves to be seen of TV. So he'd probably move Downtown. He could buy one of those vacant condos. Hell, he could buy one of those vacant condo buildings.

Herb Kohl – Don't laugh. He isn't in the Cuban range as far as money goes, but he's got plenty. And even if he had to, he could borrow a percentage of the purchase price. Think about it. He'd own the Bucks and Brewers. And he'd be elected Senator for life. The only Republicans who would challenge him are either just out of jail, in jail or going to jail in the near future.

Chris Abele – This is a little tougher. I know he's rich, but not that rich. He loves his sports. He could put together a group to buy the team. Or he could really push the limits of his office and try to get the Milwaukee County Parks system to buy the team. I mean, we already have this world class park system. Think what it could be with Miller Park as the crown jewel. That would even beat the Currie Park golf dome. Plus the idea of public ownership of sports franchises has some history in Wisconsin.

Bob Uecker – Word is that Mr. Belevedere is going into reruns again making a wave of residual payments headed toward Uke. He's got to spend it on something, so why not buy the team. Win, lose or draw, fans would always have smiles on their faces. He would be the funniest owner in all of sports, with the possible exception of Mark Cuban. But it's a different kind of funny.

Donald Trump – He's spreading the word that he's interested, but nobody takes him seriously. Someone said, "Yeah. Trump will buy the Brewers about the same time he runs for President. Ha!"

Bud Selig – He's been making a fortune as commissioner. He's no spring chicken, though. So we've got to make sure that Wendy and Laurel are out of the will.

Scott Walker – I'd go for this only to watch him get his brains beat in by the Major League Players Association. Talk about union thugs.

Sue Sachdeva – She's that lady who embezzled millions from Koss Corp. so she could shop at high-end stores in Milwaukee. She never set foot in Walmart, K-Mart, Stein-Mart or any other Mart. She doesn't know jack about baseball but that never stopped other team owners. The team would be outfitted in fine linen uniforms designed by Dolce and Gabbana or Vera Wang or Elton John or something. Being in prison does present a problem, but we can probably overcome that.

Tom Barrett – If he threw out the first ball on opening day that would mean that more people saw him that one day than the total number of people who saw him the other 364 days of the year.

Me and my friends – John and Terry and Tom and Punch and Marty and Julie and Rick and Mac and Eppy and Drew and Andy and Brian and Matt and Charlie and Alex and Molly. None of us has enough money to buy the team. Put together we don't have the money to buy the team. But we all know a lot about baseball except maybe for Julie, Alex and Molly. I mean, how tough can it be? We could probably borrow the cash. And we'd promise to keep the team in Milwaukee. I really think this is the best idea of all.

Well, that's it. Those are my candidates, post-Attanasio. Let me know if you've got any more ideas.


Talkbacks

MagneticNorth | April 27, 2011 at 11:12 a.m. (report)

This article is about as lame as the one Begel wrote right after the Superbowl about Favre coming back to Lambeau and retiring as a Packer.

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rsbeowulf | April 27, 2011 at 7:38 a.m. (report)

Buck, if the article was such a waste of time, why did you bother to read it? You, like so many other inter-fools, delight in bashing the writer rather than simply disagreeing with the content. I guess there are really a lot of self-loathing, insecure small minds out there.

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jfredmuggs | April 26, 2011 at 7:39 p.m. (report)

Enough with snarky comments... you don't have to read this if you don't want to. Go back to whatever high-minded pursuit you are involved in. Now who should buy the Brewers? How about a publicly owned team like the Packers? That is the very best set-up in all of professional sports.

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jasmine02 | April 26, 2011 at 5:36 p.m. (report)

Dumb - He's already said he's not leaving and I believe him. Pointless drivel

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jk1522 | April 26, 2011 at 5:32 p.m. (report)

STUPID...as usual!

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