Ah, New Year's Resolutions.

I'm going to lose 30 pounds, study French, quit smoking, learn how to ballroom dance, be nicer to my neighbors, keep the grill clean, pick up my dirty clothes, help more around the house and read something beside mysteries.

Yeah, right.

Everybody knows that you make these resolutions and realize that they aren't going to happen. But if it makes you feel better, even for a day or two, go for it. You kind of wonder what the people who make up our sports world will do for resolutions.

Like the guy from the IRS says, I'm from the government, and I'm here to help.

With a little sneakiness and some old fashioned detective work, I've discovered the resolutions for a bunch of sports figures. And here they are, some resolutions that either have been or should be made.

The local and national media resolve to shut up and quit barking about Brett Favre retiring. He'll announce it when he makes up his mind.

Brett Favre resolves to continue playing until the Packers win another Super Bowl.

John Jones, the new president of the Packers, resolves to remember that this is a special franchise, but not to let that almost religious fervor get in the way of realizing that this is a football team, not a shrine.

Mike McCarthy resolves to force Jesse Garcia out as the host of the "Mike McCarthy Show" unless she learns to talk without reading cue cards.

Ted Thompson resolves to find some free agents who can catch Brett Favre's passes. Suggestions include wide receivers Drew Bennett from the Titans and Kevin Curtis from the Rams and tight ends Tony Gonzales from Kansas City and Eric Johnson from the 49ers.

Mark Attanasio resolves to give his undivided attention to making oodles of money in his business so he can give it to Doug Melvin to play with.

Doug Melvin resolves not to bother Mark Attanasio with minor questions so that Attanasio can concentrate on what he does best, making oodles of money.

Ned Yost, winner of the Inscrutable Manager of the Year award for the fifth straight year, resolves to get mad and show passion sometime.

New Brewers pitcher Jeff Suppan resolves not to get weighed down by the burden of being a good starting pitcher, an outstanding role model for all the other pitchers on the team and being unable to pitch against the Brewers, the team that helped launch his career.

Herb Kohl resolves to be a little more like Mark Cuban and a little less like, well, Herb Kohl.

Larry Harris resolves to stop trying to prove he's smarter than his dad and just go with the fact that he's younger, has darker hair and isn't working for Mark Cuban.

Many, many NBA players resolve to stop thanking God in post game interviews for their performance. My guess is that God's got a lot more on his mind than whether Michael Redd gets 30 or not.

Terry Stotts resolves never to listen to sports talk radio, which can't make up its mind whether he ought to be canonized or taken out with the trash.

Radio Station WSSP resolves to stick with it and not go to easy listening or Christian Rock. They've had a somewhat hesitant start and still suffer from a lack of identity, but with their comparative strength of signal, they could be the big dog in the sports talk firmament in Milwaukee.

Craig Karmazin, who owns WAUK, resolves to realize he has the best talent in town but LISTENING TO HIS STATION IS LIKE TALKING TO YOUR BROTHER WITH TWO CANS AND A PIECE OF STRING and will try to find another station to buy and turn WAUK into the home of Christian Rock.

The Milwaukee Admirals resolve to disappear and stop taking up valuable nights at the Bradley Center when the Bucks could use the dates to help finance their efforts to build a championship major league team.

All sports fans in Milwaukee resolve to not take it so seriously in 2007.

4 comments about this article. Post a comment / write a review.

Recent Talkbacks ...

Posted by Reality Check on Dec. 31, 2006 at 6:30 p.m. (report)

Time out. Hold the phone. Last week, Dave, this is what you wrote: "I wish the Admirals would somehow find a way to get more attention." http://www.onmilwaukee.com/sports/articles/begelsantawishes.html Then you follow up with your cheap pot-shot toward the Ads this week. The marketing genius that you appear to be, one would think that "getting more attention" would not translate into "freeing up weekend nights so the Bucks can put 14,000 into an arena they don't even want to be in and stop wasting these nights on the lowly Admirals, who have increased attendance and visibility 10-fold over the past two years." So which one is it ... do you want the Ads to go away or do you want to see them get more attention? Clearly, you graduated from the Peter Brown School of Consistency and Idiocy. At least he's out of town now.

Posted by RC4U on Dec. 29, 2006 at 2:00 p.m. (report)

Dave, Cleary you are not just an idiot, but you are lazy. If you had done just a modicum of research you would know that, with a couple of exceptions, the Bucks get priority on every date in the Bradley Center during the NBA season. Marquette and the Admirals then get to choose from what is left over. I know this may sound hard to believe, but other teams in the NBA want to play on prime dates as well and thus sometimes the Bucks have to play on the road on a Friday or Saturday night. Amazing, isnt it.

Posted by RC4U on Dec. 29, 2006 at 12:01 p.m. (report)

Dave, Cleary you are not just an idiot, but you are lazy. If you had done just a modicum of research you would know that, with a couple of exceptions, the Bucks get priority on every date in the Bradley Center during the NBA season. Marquette and the Admirals then get to choose from what is left over. I know this may sound hard to believe, but other teams in the NBA want to play on prime dates as well and thus sometimes the Bucks have to play on the road on a Friday or Saturday night. Amazing, isnt it.

Posted by CHRIS G on Dec. 29, 2006 at 11:04 a.m. (report)

Dave, Please add to your list of resolutions; to get a clue on what a positive attitude is as your article is so negative that I assume that you took the grinch role away from Boris Karloff. The Brewers are on the best track since the 80's. The Bucks who I personally have no interest in anymore are winning and your shot at the Admirals is cheap at best. Two local guys running the team, attendance on the rise and reasonable ticket prices make it a family value, not a target. Maybe the 30 lbs. you state you need to lose is ego or all that negative baggage you carry. In the words of Bill Murry " lighten up Francis"