Have you ever had popcorn shrimp? They are like regular shrimp, only smaller and fried in delicious batter.

They don't cost much, fill you up, and taste great with ketchup.

Sure, this column is not a deliciously prepared giant tiger prawn dish with a light béarnaise sauce. No, it's a plastic basket of sports thoughts, deep fried, for the low, low price of $5.95. Enjoy....

My god is anybody more in love with Tyler Hansbrough than Dick Vitale? Good grief. And for a good player, is there anyone in college basketball you think might be the "Next Byron Houston" more than Hansbrough?

Spygate just won't go away, will it? As much as NFL spokesman Greg Aiello, that tool, says "We all just hope to get this over with and move on," there are too many of us who really want to know all that Matt Walsh knows.

Golf participation numbers are down. This is not good for my friends in the industry, from owners, to pros, to retailers. Selfishly, however, I say "Sweet!" Easier tee times, and cheaper greens fees! Here's an idea: maybe a course should adopt a STRICT four-hour policy for rounds. No exceptions. I say good players would flock to it like moths to a flame.

I love when Chris Duhon goes to Duke for "Royalty Night" and misses his flight back to the Bulls and gets suspended. Then he gets smart-ass about it and gets disciplined again. Good work, jackass. I'm still bitter about his spread-breaking 40-footer at the Final Four years ago in a loss that cost me money. Duhon says the "wake up call" never came. Whatever.

I haven't checked e-mail for four days now (been too busy moving) and I am sort of relishing the fact it hasn't been sapping me of time tending that never-ending "garden" of tasks. Is it possible to "quit" e-mail in today's world? To be somebody who once had it, but now never uses it? I think it's impossible, unless you are 90 and retired. But enticing, nonetheless.

Billy Crystal playing in a real spring training baseball game is the worst example of baby-boomer baseball uber-geekery ever. Look, I'm cool with baseball. And I know that it was truly our parents' favorite game. But when drooling wanks like Crystal do this stuff, it just makes me want to see him get clipped right in the chops by a "not-even-that-fast-for-the-big's" fastball. If by some miracle, he got his bat on a legitimately thrown major league pitch (of any variety!) I've got $50 that says it knocks the lumber right out of his little comedian hands.

I think "American Idol" is steamrolling toward a David Archuleta vs. Syesha Mercado finale 12 weeks from now. Of course, I have both in my three-person office "pool," so I'm biased.

Hearing NASCAR drivers complaining about tires is like hearing pro golfers complaining about greens. They are never smooth enough, fast enough, firm enough or (insert preference here) enough for these babies. Besides, my NASCAR expert Michelle Rahal says he thinks it is the stupid Car of Tomorrow, anyway. He says it doesn't turn well. That's sort of important for racing, don't ya think?

I don't think the Redskins have "learned" anything from past failures of free agency. I think they are just flat broke against the cap. Re-signing bit players like Rock Cartwright and Todd Collins is about all they can do right now. Maybe they'll sign D.J. Hackett for the right price later this week.

One small reason to feel a little less cynical about big time sports: A Denver prosecutor has been reprimanded for letting Kenyon Martin off easy on two speeding tickets. One was for 101 mph in a 30-mph zone. Another was for 103 in a 55. Martin got to keep his license. Remember this the next time a jock flips his car and ends his career. You'll have pretty dry eyes.

Bud Selig makes $14.5 million per year. Despite his easy mockability, I think that's about right. Selig's shortcomings, while comic, do not include growing the game's finances. He's been a rainmaker there. Good for him. However, what does a guy who gets $10 haircuts and eats hot dogs do with $14.5 million per year?

The novelty act known as "Smush Parker" is no longer appearing at the Heat Lounge in Miami. The NBA will move ahead, as scheduled.

Don't say I won't give credit to guys who I once crushed for being douchebags, but are now doing well. Bode Miller, the laughingstock of the last Winter Olympics, is actually winning a bunch of races these days. Good for him.

China has 1 billion people. MLB is going there for games, to "grow the game globally." OK, fine. What if China gets really good at baseball? Could they produce enough players to dominate MLB rosters with 50 percent Chinese born players in a generation?

It has been disclosed that Nationals outfielder Elijah Dukes has a former cop shadowing his every move while Dukes tries to make this club this spring. The team says it's just protecting its player, even though they conveniently leave out the part of "... from himself."