Checkers is a simple game. Football is not.

Why then, do so many want to say it is?

You know the ones. These so-called "expert" analysts on TV will stare into the camera and state without an ounce of irony or doubt that, indeed, in their minds "football is a simple game ..."

If you stopped the tape at that point, I could bet $1,000 a pop at the next phrase out of their mouths, and win money time after time.

Usually, it's something along the lines of "winning the line of scrimmage" or "physically dominating your opponent" or some other empty macho crap like that.

OK, then. May I ask a question?

If football is such a simple game, how come it takes upwards of 20 coaches to patrol an NFL sideline?

When counting the Redskins coaching staff that includes two "quality control" coaches -- one each for offense and defense, because you don't want "quality" getting away from you in football - they have 18 full time men in charge of making this "simple game" happen smoothly on Sundays.

It's not enough to have just one "strength and conditioning" coach, he must have an assistant. Because telling the fellas to "hit the weight room" and "do an extra set" is more complicated than you would expect.

Rennie Simmons is the Redskins "tight ends coach." This is all he does. Tight ends.

"Hey Rennie, can you help us over here with the wide receivers?"

"Ohhh. Sorry. Sorta swamped here. We've got three guys on the roster I'm responsible for. Only so many hours in the day."

Simple game.

If football today is so "simple" then how come nobody can come up with a single, easily summarized explanation of the "West Coast Offense."

If football is so "simple" then how come playbooks now are routinely loaded into laptop computers, so you can not only look at the plays in X-and-O format, but you can call up every time you (or your opponent) ran that play and look at the video?

The NFL rule book is a bloated monstrosity of partially contradictory terms, conditions, exceptions, and trumping violations that often require lengthy meetings by the referees to sort out.

And they sometimes still get it wrong.

Here's a sample paragraph from the 132-page NFL rulebook.

Intentional grounding will not be called when a passer, while out of the pocket and facing an imminent loss of yardage, throws a pass that lands at or beyond the line of scrimmage, even if no offensive player(s) have a realistic chance to catch the ball (including if the ball lands out of bounds over the sideline or end line).

See. Simple.

But what if the QB hands off to a running back, who decides to throw, while still in the pocket, but not facing "imminent" loss of yardage only a "possible" loss of yardage, and inadvertently hits a lineman in the back who had traveled too far off the line of scrimmage so as to be "illegally downfield?"

Is this "illegal touching" or "a really stupid play?"

Simple game.

Al Saunders was the offensive coordinator for my Redskins a few years back, and he let it slip in pre-season that they had a "700-page playbook." It was the biggest gaffe of his tenure. Sure, he was just being honest, but when his offense looked like it had only made it to page 46 and then fell asleep on the couch, it became a running joke.

And that's a bad sort of "it's embarrassing" joke, not a "funny ha-ha" joke.

Simple game.

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Recent Talkbacks ...

Posted by zcmack on Sept. 18, 2008 at 2:51 p.m. (report)

yes, winning isn't easy. in any sport. i think you took this point a little too far. why are there 20 people on the sidelines? because football as an industry makes enough money to pay all those people. Everything is complex at a particle level, however, I think I'm gonna side with the macho man ideal of 'taking the line of scrimmage', because no matter how many x's and o's you have, "getting lucky" is still a pretty important part of every team's playbook.

Posted by Sports fan on Sept. 17, 2008 at 1:33 p.m. (report)

I accidentally stumbled on a game last week and watched for a few minutes as everyone stood around on the field while the officials tried to decide which arcane rule in this miserably complex and dull-as-crap game was the proper one to apply. Meanwhile, the morons in the announcers booth tried to work it out for themselves. As I lunged for the remote, I was reminded of why I can't tolerate this worthless sport.

Posted by sandstorm on Sept. 17, 2008 at 9:49 a.m. (report)

yawn. do you really need to make this point 12 times a year? do you really need to reprint that jim mora "you'll never know..." quote 26 times a year?