A female racing sausage?
I was feeling a little blah today – thanks, seven-year winter – when I received a message from my pal Lisa Roe asking me and OnMilwaukee.com food writer / contributor Lori Fredrich what our thoughts are about including a female racing sausage to the Brewers' lineup.
"Has anyone ever petitioned for a lady link?" Roe asked us.
Neither Lori nor I had ever heard of anyone hankering for a "she sausage" (OK, maybe pun intended on HANKering) and so we went on to brainstorm what one might be named.
I immediately ruled out a veggie anything. After all, women are way meatier than that.
Lori, not surprisingly as a gifted food writer, came up with some gems like "Boudin Blanc" and "Andouillette."
"Linguica," a type of pork sausage, we nixed because it sounded kinda dirty.
Lori then suggested a "blood sausage" which Lisa stated was "spot on."
(Maybe this conversation is not fit for public consumption. Meh, against my better judgment I'll keep going.)
I came up with the kinda-lame "Sally Salami" and then I was out. "Betty Braunchweiger" was also briefly discussed, but Lori said because of the "Braun" in the name she would probably have to look like Ryan Braun – at least a little bit.
We also briefly considered the fact that perhaps the sausage mascots weren't all men. Maybe one of them was actually a handsome woman? … Nah.
Lori then hit the jackpot, in my opinion, with "Hot Italian." I immediately "saw" her in my mind – rounding third, her long, curly dark hair billowing behind her. Maybe a red and white checkered dress snugly draped on her oblong body.
She'd also need a hat, since all of the other racers have one. Something wide brimmed and floppy, perhaps. Or a female-ish fedora might work, too.
"I think she rides a Vespa," wrote Lori.
"She certainly doesn't wear stilettos," I typed back. "She'd never win a race that way. But she's definitely racy."
We went back and forth for a few more minutes and finally decided we were uncertain as to whether a female sausage was a good addition to the Brewers collection of mascots or not, but we would throw it out there for further discussion.
After all, as Lori pointed out, even the dog's a dude.
Fredia the Tofurkey, Maggie Meat loaf, Kelly Kielbasa. How about condiments? Molly Mustard, Kourtney Kraut Maybe adding more than 1 female is a good idea. No lady likes being the only gal at a sausage party.
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