March may be cold, but it's hot and heavy here at OnMilwaukee.com as we celebrate our first-ever Sex Week. We're taking a mature look at local video and sex toy shops, area strip clubs, sexy Milwaukee events -- and even some connections between Brew City and Playboy magazine. It's serious, responsible, adult-themed content -- but don't worry, parents, we'll keep it PG-13 in case junior stumbles upon these stories as OnMilwaukee.com turns a pale shade of blue for seven days.

First of all, let's get one thing clear: OnMilwaukee.com is not suggesting you and your sweetheart get spunky in public. However, it's Sex Week, the perfect time to spontaneously -- or not so spontaneously -- sneak away for a smooch or two.

Here are a few romantic places in Milwaukee that could provide the perfect setting.

• The balcony of the Oriental Theatre. It's usually not open, and while we won't suggest sneaking in...


• A curvaceous booth in the back room of Bay View's At Random. This funky lounge is dark, usually spinning Sinatra or Sinatra-esque tunes and serves crazy-strong drinks, colorful drinks. Perfect.


• Your public library. Take your literary lovebug to the library and, in between shelves stocked with Shakespeare and old fondue cookbooks from the '70s, rewrite the greatest love story ever told. Swak.


• Elevators. The Pfister elevators are classy, so are the Hyatt's (which is also transparent on three sides for you exhibitionists and rises quickly and suggestively), but even the nondescript one in your building will do. Hopefully, you two will be alone once the doors close, because if not, nothing will take the French out of kissing like the cat lady from the third floor who smells like she just got a perm.


• The lakefront. Cheesy? You bet. So really do it up: Park in a spot with a good view, put on a little mood music, pull a rose from the glove compartment, drop a line you stole from a candy heart and pucker up to watch the submarine races. You earned it, baby.
• Two. Milwaukee has its very own make-out bar called Two, complete with private booths, "sharable" cocktails and a jukebox of love songs.