{image1} I saw two things last week that, frankly, were very unsettling to learn:

1. Abalone might actually be "Cuttlefish."

2. Brian Cardinal has signed for $39 million.

I know you probably feel like the wind has been knocked out of you right now and need to catch your breath. I felt the same way. But let me explain.

As for the fish thing, USA Today had a story that exposed the use of cheaper species of fish by some unscrupulous restaurants and fish markets. A nationwide survey believes that up to 77 percent of the fish you buy, could be something other than what's on the label. (Effective barcoding of fish continues to elude us as a society, it appears)

The story alerts people to be on the lookout for "Vermillion Snapper" that is posing as the more succulent and expensive "Red Snapper." Or maybe Grouper that's really "Bar Jack." Some fish fraud victims will buy expensive Chilean Sea Bass (the "Coach" handbags of fish delicacy) only to find it's actually "Antarctic Toothfish." And like knockoff Coach handbags, you can get Antarctic Toothfish on any street corner in New York City for like $3 a pound!

Oh yeah, one more thing. If you order scallops and suddenly notice that they are shaped like little Christmas trees, run! Joe Ritchie Brookhart of the Seafood Choices Alliance says that some seafood suppliers' idea of "scallops" is actually flesh from the wing of a skate, cut out in little circles with a cookie cutter.

Super.

Looks like no more "Happy Family" (Combo Item No. 52, no vegetables) - at my local Chinese takeout place for me.

But at least there is somebody with a business card who is trying to address this travishamockery in the fish world. Too bad there's not a "Seafood Choices Alliance" equivalent in the NBA. Maybe an "Alliance Against Overpaid Guys Who Suck" or something catchy like that.

In fact, let me be the spokesman, because Shocking Fact No. 2 needs elaboration. Brian Cardinal is a basketball player of modest abilities. How modest? For starters, he was drafted in the second round by the Pistons out of Purdue. In his first three years in the league, he averaged 2.1, 2.1 and 0.8 ppg.

Miraculously, last season he clocked 9.6 points and 4.2 rebounds for the woeful Golden State Warriors.

That prompted Jerry West of the Memphis Grizzlies to whip out the team checkbook and "hook a whitey up" with a nice phat six year $39 million deal. Now, West is a certified NBA genius, so maybe he knows what he's doing here.

But more than $6 million a year for Brian Cardinal? "Pass the cuttlefish, ma, I feel weak."

There is the inevitable assumption (almost universally false) that a single breakout year for a low level NBA player will continue trending upward by as much as 100 percent in the future. Yeah, right. That's what they thought about Ike Austin, when the Wizards traded Ben Wallace for him.

I suppose the Cardinal "coup" by the Grizz is sane by comparison to other deals this past month. The Warriors neglected to keep Cardinal, but instead re-invested in Adonal Foyle for six years and $41 million.

Foyle is, generously speaking, a stiff. His career averages of 4.6 points and 5.1 rebounds per game mean that he costs well over $1 million per point per game. By comparison, Kevin Garnett at $26 million per season is a bargain.

The ultimate stunner is Marquis Daniels of the Dallas Mavericks. Mr. Daniels, who most fans couldn't pick out of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, was inked to a five year $30 million deal.

Even though one year ago at this time, he was an undrafted "street" free agent looking for a summer league tryout! Not to belabor the point, but one year ago, 29 NBA teams passed on Marquis and his "mad skillz" not just once, but twice!

Now, he's got $30 million coming his way, guaranteed. Talk about a "swing of opinion!"

Normally, I would say that this contract insanity is going to ruin the league as we know it, but something tells me these stupid deals are actually a sign of health for the NBA.

Think about it. So many players of B-level skills (or worse) are getting "max contracts" (in accordance with how many years they have played in the league) it almost seems like the NBA now operates under a "one contract size fits all" policy.

When in doubt, just give a guy the "max." Why not? The fact that the league has successfully negotiated a salary ceiling, means that you can actually overpay a guy to the hilt, and it still won't make your team unprofitable.

And since you gotta pay somebody, it might as well be the Marquis Daniels of the world. Or if you don't have an undrafted free agent to splurge on, go ahead and sink nearly $36 million on a backup point guard like Derek Fisher.

Fisher is a seven-point-per-game, three-point streak shooter (when he's wide open that is, which won't happen much now that he's got Foyle in the paint instead of Shaq) who will be 36 when his contract enters its last year. So if you think he's overpaid now, just you wait. You ain't seen nothing, yet!

In theory, all of this is just capitalism at work, so why should I complain? If my Chinese take-out restaurant can make skate wing taste reasonably like scallops if dunked in enough MSG and soy-sauce, then why can't the Toronto Raptors "sauce-over" the fact that former AND1 Mix Tape street baller Rafer Alston is now locked in to a six year $29 million deal?

Still, I would sleep a little better if I had never found out about the fish thing, or the fact that talent is no longer needed to break the bank in NBA free agency. Because up until last week, my Happy Family combo tasted really good, and the NBA still seemed to make some sort of sense.