36 Milwaukee alternative facts
Over the weekend, White House press secretary Sean Spicer and Trump senior advisor Kellyanne Conway introduced the world to the existence of "alternative facts," which are facts ... but not. Inspired by the two's inventive wordplay, we decided to come up with some of our alternative facts about Milwaukee, which are all very much true – just alternatively so.
Enjoy – and then go back to cheering on the Packers as they prepare for the Super Bowl next month against the Cleveland Browns!
1. There are actually four Milwaukee Domes.
2. An old fashioned should never be made with brandy.
3. Milwaukee offers beautiful views of Lake Huron.
4. The worst Milwaukee Buck: Giannis.
Now that's what a great Milwaukee Buck looks like. (PHOTO: Milwaukee Bucks)
5. Summer is the longest season in Milwaukee.
6. Milwaukee is now pothole-free.
7. Jones Island smells like paradise.
8. Milwaukee: birthplace of the Vespa.
9. Mondays are for fish fries.
10. The Calatrava is OK, but it blocks the view of The Calling.
11. Northridge Mall is alive and well.
Don't miss out on all the excitement at Northridge Mall! (PHOTO: Andy Tarnoff)
12. The Brewers are going to the World Series this year.
13. Sheriff Clarke: a voice of reason and CNN celebrity.
14. Beer gardens are the worst thing to happen to Milwaukee.
15. It's a shame that George Webb closes every night at 10 p.m.
16. Jazz in the Park sucks.
17. The Violent Femmes are just a bunch of angry women.
18. The cream puff: Wisconsin's signature fat- and calorie-free food.
Look at all that sweet, delicious health food. (PHOTO: Molly Snyder)
19. Marquette Gold was a great sports team name.
20. Downtown Milwaukee is overloaded with strip clubs.
21. The Milwaukee Lion is real – and actually a bear.
22. Start your day off right with MAM After Dark!
23. It's a breeze to get a table at Blue's Egg for brunch.
24. There aren't enough corner bars in Milwaukee
25. Milwaukee: a top ten populated city in the country.
26. Real Chili is fake.
27. There is no need for a chaser with a Bloody Mary.
28. The Milverine is known for Ubering around the city.
The Milverine, seen here getting some rare exercise. (PHOTO: Jeff Sherman)
29. Ryan Braun's MVP numbers were exclusively the product of hard work and natural talent.
30. Milwaukee's best burger joint: Usinger's.
31. Bud Light is the best beer. Period.
32. Passing the streetcar was an easy, civil civic process that was over in a snap.
33. Milwaukee's skyline is better than Chicago's.
34. No one was more accommodating to Pokemon Go than Lake Park.
35. The Bronze Fonz is the #1 tourist destination in the world.
36. Hamm's: the beer that made Milwaukee famous.
That iconic Milwaukee beer brand we all know and love. (PHOTO: Flickr/Vintage Mumbo Jumbo Man)
This is the best humor column ever appearing in OnMilwaukee.
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