"Game of Thrones" recap: Ice meets fire
It finally happened.
No, not a revisit discovering the fate of Ed Sheeran – instead, the show's literary namesake, fire (Daenerys) and ice (Jon Snow) finally met face to face. And it was a reception much more chilly than warm – at least at first.
Before they met, however, there was one reunion to get out of the way on Dragonstone: Jon Snow and Tyrion, a long ways away from their days slaving away as family disgraces at The Wall. The two share some fun quipping back and forth on the beaches and sharing some warm laughs – but not enough to distract Jon from noticing the armed guards, the fact that Dany's troops took their boat away and, oh by the way, there's three massive dragons casually soaring around the island.
One thing he doesn't see? Melisandre, who's watching his arrival from far, far away on top of some cliffs with an exceptionally sneaky-sounding Varys – even more sneaky-sounding than usual. Still, Melisandre manages to drop the hammer on his smug, smirking vibe, right at the end revealing some prophecy or vision that both of them will die in this land.
But enough of those two: We're here to see ice meet fire. The two finally end up in the same room – but just literally so, as they chat in the throne room, never in the same frame – a smart touch by director Mark Mylod – as Dany sits proudly in the Dragonstone throne (a nice practice throne for the real one at King's Landing) while Jon Snow stands in the middle of the darkened room.
Khaleesi comes out maybe a little hard, having Missandei list off seemingly all of her nicknames and accomplishments – Breaker of Chains, Mother of Dragons, High School Minesweeper Champion, etc. – while Ser Davos missed the memo on playing hype man for his king. Dany expects Jon to kneel; Jon refuses, noting they've got bigger issues at hand – aka the frosty undead trotting toward them – than power plays and political chess. But Dany – who may never blink during this entire tense sparring session – seems unconvinced and unhappy that Jon Snow refuses to bend the knee to her rule, putting him in open rebellion against her assumed rule. 16 minutes into the episode, the two finally share a shot together ... but it's Dany walking at Jon Snow, noting that the only thing that kept her alive over her years of struggle was believing in herself as the only living Targaryen. Umm, about that, Dany ...
Ser Davos remembers his hype man training and brags of Jon Snow's accomplishments – cut off around the time he gets to the fact that he's actually Zombie Jon Snow. Still, this suspenseful battle between their two egos and pride ends in a stalemate, both refusing to yield. We'll see what happens, though, when Dany hears of last week's finale, decimating a large chunk of her fleet and putting two of her allies in chains. She might be better off winning allies than holding them casually prisoner.
Speaking of last week's big finale, here's an update in Theon's Life Sucks news: Yep, Theon's life still sucks. Floating amongst the wreckage, he gets picked up by a not-so-friendly friendly ship that's unimpressed by his supposed "attempt" to save his sister. "If you tried," notes the captain, "you wouldn't be here," before the whole crew walks away from the cowardly embarrassment in shame. This has been an update in Theon's Life Sucks news.
Euron, meanwhile, is just freaking loving his life, laughing and smiling his way through a parade in King's Landing, celebrating his naval victory while dragging the Dornish queen, her daughter and Yara through the streets and into Cersei's throne room. His promised gift has been delivered, and Cersei – trying on the grimacing version of her patently smirk face – has no choice but to accept him as an ally and possibly as her future husband. Fair to say Jaime is not in love with that – especially when Euron comes over to grossly talk about how Cersei likes it in bed. He tries threatening Euron with a beheading, but that just gets sent back at him. The people don't care who gets killed for their amusement, he notes, "The people just like severed heads, really." Truly words have never been spoken.
What the people don't like, however, is crushed skulls – and unfortunately, here's Cersei in Ellaria's prison reminding the audience of that time the Dornish ruler's lover got popped like a particularly juicy Gusher many seasons ago. That was an image I'd nicely forgotten until now, Cersei. Unappreciated.
Thankfully, she doesn't crack open Ellaria's daughter's head like a cherry-flavored coconut, as retribution for murdering her daughter all that while ago – but her final revenge isn't much more pleasant. With the help of Qyburn, she lays a poisonous kiss on Ellaria's daughter, one that will oh so slowly kill her right in front of her sobbing mother, who will then have to watch her daughter die and rot away in chains. At least the head-popping was fast.
Murderous revenge apparently gets Cersei horny as hell, so she seeks out her brother, and the two sleep together – and she doesn't care who knows it, answering the door with a naked Jaime in plain sight of her servants. She also doesn't care about mincing words with the Iron Bank, who's come to see if she's got the gold her kingdom owes – and if she stands a chance against Dany's dragons. Cersei says he shouldn't be so sure that the dragons are immune to all harm, so she must be REALLY confident in that glorified crossbow from last week. I'm not convinced. It's still just a big crossbow.
Back at Dragonstone, Jon and Tyrion – it must be said; having Sassy Peter Dinklage back is a delight – have brood-off while overlooking a gorgeous cliff. Jon's still upset that nobody believes him about the White Walkers and that Dany's busy playing chess when an army of undead are about the flip the whole table over anyways. Tyrion defends his queen, saying, "She protects people from monsters," and offers his help in at least convincing her to allow him to mine for dragonglass. And the negotiation works; she allows the North to mine for the supposed White Walker weapon – all while Jon's knee remains unbent and she remains not entirely convinced about undead snow warriors.
Back at Winterfell, Sansa's taking to rule well, prepping the region for a food shortage during the winter AND a war, as well as making sure the armor is appropriately leather-ed. Littlefinger tries to warn her of Cersei, but if there's one thing that Sansa doesn't need, it's a reminder that Cersei's an insane murderous tyrant with a bloody lust for power. Kinda got to see that first-hand, Littlefinger, ya smirky punk. Still, he reminds her to see and predict every possible outcome – and just in time, because HEEERE'S BRAN, who can see everything as the three-eyed raven! So that's Stark family reunion number one; next week is Stark family reunion number two with Arya, then?
Off to Oldtown, where what gross adventures will Sam get into this week? Oh ... none? Dammit, I postponed dinner just for this. Anyways, Jorah's greyscale is cured, as last week's brutal surgery and goo treatment actually worked – which seems a little easy for what's been teased as a uncureable ailment form hell. But still, good for Jorah, who's off to reunite with Dany. Meanwhile, Jim Broadbent takes Sam aside to find out how he managed to cure the uncureable. Sam's secret? "I read the book and followed the instructions." GENIUS! Broadbent rewards Sam with a warm congratulations on saving a man's life ... and then sends him off to play human photo copier with some old rotting manuscripts (with bonus skin gnats!). Truly a fine reward.
Finally, the episode heads to Casterly Rock, where Dany and Tyrion's first masterful move is in effect, seizing the landmark thanks to an old tunnel system Tyrion built in back in his days of being demeaned by his fellow Lannisters. And they win easily ... too easily. For the second straight week, Euron and his ships come barging in to wipe out some more of Dany's ships, while Jaime and company head to kill Olenna Tyrell.
Sad – but boy, does she know how to leave a show. She lays a few salty burns on Jaime and his dead, crappy son Joffrey – it's been too long since we've mocked Joffrey – before Jaime serves up some poisoned wine. But you think some deadly vino scares Olenna? Nah, she chugs it down like Kool-Aid before telling him, "Hey, I super killed your crappy son Joffrey; be sure to let your sister know. Laters!" And thus it's curtains for Olenna and the great actress Diana Rigg on "Game of Thrones."
Talk about some chilly burns to end an episode about fire and ice combining as one.
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