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Before and after: eyelash extensions, one of Lindsay's five fall favorites.
Before and after: eyelash extensions, one of Lindsay's five fall favorites.

Five favorites for fall

I can no longer deny that autumn is really here. The equinox has passed and although oddly warm temperatures may be trying to fool summer-loving souls, the scenery of changing leaves and the certainty of chilly nights are shoving the reality of this season in my face.

So, in the spirit of having a "polished finger on beauty, fashion, fitness and nutrition trends," here are my five favorites for fall.

Beauty: Holocuren Miracle Lips
Colder temperatures and drier air signal the imminent annoyance of chapped lips. Applying your favorite shade of lipstick to a flaking, cracked pout can create a chunky mess. In my humble opinion, ChapStick and Carmex are toxic, temporary solutions to a predicament that can last all fall and winter long!

The solution comes from the founder and formulator of the legendary skin care line Epicuren within their holistic line, Holucuren, and their Miracle Lips Serum and Salve. These corrective lip treatments do what no other can: "penetrate at a cellular level to transform the health and vitality of lips." The silky smooth Serum goes on super glossy and shiny, while providing protection and stimulating cell turnover to renew the lips. The Salve is thicker, more like an ointment and melts into the lips, providing major hydration.

Both contain propolis and tea tree oil for anti-viral, anti-bacterial, anti-fungal and anti-inflammatory benefits, which Holucuren says prevents and heals cold sores, boosts immunity, increases cellular turnover and reduces the potential for lip cancer and aging. I was sent both the Serum and Salve to try, so I’ve been using Miracle Lips twice a day for the last two months, which has revealed, softer, smoother lips and diminished fine lines around the edges with not a hint of chapped-ness yet! Find Epicuren skincare at SIER Wellness and Med Spa in Mequon and order Holocuren products online.

Eyelash Extensions: Salon Nova Milwaukee
As a makeup artist and esthetician, I had my reservations abou…

Lindsay saw some unholy things go down with a hotel washcloth.
Lindsay saw some unholy things go down with a hotel washcloth.

The ballad of the hotel washcloth

Labor Day marks the traditional end of summer, but I defied custom with a poststop-wearing-white (that means you too, Miley!) outing to a "resort" hotel pool. The destination was a copycat version of Las Vegas’ notorious "Rehab" pool party. The exact locale shall remain nameless because what happened there was not their fault, except for maybe an unfortunate bit of geography and tragic timing.

The weather was cooperative and my husband was actually home, so I gamely donned my bikini with intentions of soaking in some vitamin D and imbibing a few low-sugar cocktails laced with tequila. We had grand ideas of singeing sun, hot bods and cold drinks. In reality, the sun was scorching. The bods – eh, not so hot, except for our cocktail waitress and a lone "beachgoer" that sprang the song "Bubble Butt" to life. But, important things important – the cocktails were chilled nicely and we had a whole private cabana to ourselves complete with a mini fridge and Direct TV.

Apparently, the universe had other intentions than I envisioned for my afternoon.

As luck would have it, our cabana had some squatters in it when we arrived – a family of four portly vagrants all resembling Mama June from "Honey Boo Boo."

They had clearly smuggled and guzzled their own bottle of rail tequila into the club, against the no "BYOB" policy. The warehouse store sized bottle sat three quarters empty, stowed crookedly in the sand.

Instead of placing us beneath another four-poled domain, the management insisted on gently kicking the intruders out by reminding them that cabanas were "rental only." They loudly grumbled as they snatched up their belongings and moved to the white plastic, "free" loungers directly in front of our cabana. I gulped as I noticed a Rorschach from their sweaty bodies left behind on the fabric cushions of our chaise lounges.

As I watched his belly lead the way away from us, I marveled at the feat of physics achieved by the tequila-soaked husband as h…