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The premiere date for the next season of "Game of Thrones" was revealed today. Very ... very ... very slowly.
The premiere date for the next season of "Game of Thrones" was revealed today. Very ... very ... very slowly.

Thousands watched ice slowly melt because "Game of Thrones" hates its fans

It's not quite watching paint dry, but it's about as close to it as popular culture should get. 

Starting at 1 p.m. today, thousands upon thousands of people began watching a massive block of ice melt very, very, excruciatingly slowly on Facebook as a part of a big reveal for the new season of "Game of Thrones." Fans were to type either "FIRE" or "DRACARYS " into the comments to shoot flamethrowers at the ice, and by the end, the premiere date for the new season was supposed to reveal itself. Or maybe it would be a message saying "Be sure to drink your Ovaltine."

Apparently, however, nobody at HBO tested to see how long this would take. As it turns out?

Ice ...

... melts ...

... very ...

... slowly.

In other words, this is the most boring, laborious, self-serious and just overall worst thing HBO has done since "True Detective" season two. 

The process was even slower because of technical issues taking the stream offline for several minutes and splitting the broadcast between two different Facebook Live videos. But while watching ice barely melt may be terribly boring, watching people react on Twitter to people watching ice barely melt is tremendously entertaining.

By the way, in case you had better things to do today than watch ice turn into water while over-dramatic music played, "Game of Thrones" will debut on July 16.

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Watch Prince Fielder eat the best foods on his new show, "Fielder's Choice."
Watch Prince Fielder eat the best foods on his new show, "Fielder's Choice." (Photo: YouTube/Prince Fielder)

Take a first look at Prince Fielder's new food show, "Fielder's Choice"

From Amazon scoring an impressive collection of Oscar nominations for "Manchester by the Sea" to Netflix nabbing "The Irishman," the next – and frankly, probably last – collaboration between avid cinephile Martin Scorsese and Robert De Niro, it seems the world's biggest names are all headed to your small screens. 

And yet all of that pales in comparison to obviously the true biggest name to hit streaming services this year: Prince Fielder. 

Yes, the former Brewers slugger will premiere a new food show on Netflix and Hulu, obviously titled "Fielder's Choice." Fielder first brought up the idea of a cooking show in a post-retirement interview with ESPN's Jerry Crasnick, but now, thanks to Prince, we can have a look at actual footage for the show, featuring not a lot of cooking but definitely a whole lot of eating. (Even the cutlery isn't safe from the jaws of Prince!)

The show will feature Fielder and his wife touring the country, visiting restaurants and sampling some of the venues' signature dishes – often with fellow celebrities and sports stars in tow. For instance, that's definitely fellow ex-Brewer C.C. Sabathia chowing down with Prince in a few scenes, while Fielder's Instagram has teased appearances from slugging king Ken Griffey Jr. and actor Chazz Palminteri. So basically, it's a Guy Fieri food travel show minus the Guy Fieri.

Uh, that sounds great!

Plus, in case you'd forgotten – and, considering how sad it was, you'd definitely be forgiven if you tried to – the last time Fielder was in the public eye it was in a neck brace, tearfully retiring from baseball due to several serious neck injuries. It was depressing as hell, watching a guy who radiated joy playing the game and brought that contagious glee to fans across the sport – even from rival teams – betrayed by his body, stuck rigidly having to say goodbye far too early to the sport he obviously loved.

So it's just nice to see Prince back on screen again, smiling, happy and followi…

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I know, adorable puppy; we can't believe there's a website to help match people to rescue dogs too!
I know, adorable puppy; we can't believe there's a website to help match people to rescue dogs too! (Photo: Flickr/Ted Fu)

PawsLikeMe is like eHarmony.com but pairs you with the perfect puppy

Finding the right dog to be your perfect pet can be a challenge. How will a particular breed fit into your established lifestyle? Will the dog like you? I mean, it's not like there's a website out there that can match you up with the right dog ... OH WAIT, WE HAVE THAT NOW!

Meet PawsLikeMe, a dog adoption matching website that works like eHarmony.com, but for pairing you up with the perfect rescue puppy – and with an algorithm that claims an average 91 percent match accuracy.

"Our work in rescue taught us of the need to keep animals out of shelters," explains the official website. "The euthanasia statistics are staggering, and the lives lost will never be regained. Though the numbers are improving, too many animals are euthanized each year, and PawsLikeMe wants to help make that number even smaller by giving current guardians, shelters and rescues an alternative path to finding a new home for a pet."

Here's how it works: You take a quiz at PawsLikeMe's website – either the tremendously thorough 39-question version or a shorter four-question assessment – and lock in your location. From there, PawsLikeMe will create a matching score based on its four key personality quadrants – energy, confidence, focus and independence – and find what rescue dogs in your area have compatible ratings.

Then, the website shows you all of the precious pups in that fit your personality – and vice versa – and you can pick the pup that scratches your particular pet itch, plus give a deserving doggy a happy home. 

So for those looking for looking for a canine companion in their life – or for those looking to rehome a dog in need – check out PawsLikeMe. The odds are good you won't be sent barking up the wrong tree.

Some Burger King locations will be dishing out "Adults Meals" - complete with a sex toy - for Valentine's Day.
Some Burger King locations will be dishing out "Adults Meals" - complete with a sex toy - for Valentine's Day.

For Valentine's Day, Burger King serves up burgers with a side of sex toys

Fast food restaurants have seemingly been working overtime to come up with the most unpalatable food combinations, from combining fried chicken with a chalupa shell to combining fried chicken with pizza and "chicken ham." Not to be outdone, Burger King may have found the most uncomfortable culinary combo yet.

A Whopper and a sex toy. And no, this isn't an April Fool's Day article posted a month and a half too early.

In fact, according to AdWeek, it's actually a Valentine's Day promotion from Burger King called an "Adults Meal," and it's exactly what it sounds like – if what it sounds like is a kids meal that's recently discovered late-night Cinemax. 

The meal comes with two Whoppers, two orders of French fries, two beers and "a romantic adult toy," which according to the just-as-awkward-as-you'd-imagine advertisement ranges from a feather duster (huh?) to a head massager  (... OK) and a fluffy pink blindfold (this makes more sense). Maybe there are some others that can't be shown in a commercial airing on television before 11 p.m., but we may never know. 

The combo is only available on Valentine's Day, and it's only available to adults 18 years and older ... in Israel. Yes, much like the horrifying Chizza, this unholy matrimony between flamebroiled burgers cooked up by high schoolers and cheap plastic Spencer's toy knockoffs has yet to reach American shores.

Until then, you'll just have to order plain old original Whoppers this Valentine's Day – and find you own way to make them erotic.

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