By Matt Mueller Culture Editor Published May 31, 2013 at 3:31 PM

I want to like M. Night Shyamalan’s movies. I really do. His early trio of films from over a decade ago ("The Sixth Sense", "Unbreakable" and "Signs" … yes, I like "Signs") is the stuff of brilliance, and any filmmaker would love to have one of those movies on his resume, much less all three. Every time I see a trailer for one of his movies, I can’t help but think, "This is it. This is the comeback." And every time, I’m greeted with an even bigger bomb.

It’s gotten so rough that "After Earth," the Smith family sci-fi project that’s too scared to come out as a M. Night movie, comes as a genuine sign of progress for the former Oscar nominee simply because it’s not an unequivocal disaster. No, it’s merely bad.

After an excessively scattered opening – complete with exposition-filled voiceover – we meet our pouty hero, Kitai Raige (Jaden Smith), a space ranger-in-training on the planet Nova Prime. It appears we didn’t learn our lesson from "The Happening" and ruined the Earth with pollution, forcing us to leave.

Nova Prime makes for a decent replacement home, especially with all of the new age furniture and drapes adorning the rocky dwellings. The only problem is the planet’s original owners: vicious, insectoid alien residents who don’t appreciate the intrusion and have a habit of using humans like grim Christmas tree decorations (it’s surprisingly intense for a PG-13). Thus the need for space rangers.

Unfortunately, Kitai fails the program because he does not have enough control over his fear, which is how the blind aliens find and hunt humans. It’s a disappointment for Kitai and his stern military dad Cypher (Will Smith), who is a legend amongst the rangers for his ability to control his fear and "ghost" undetected by the creatures.

In the hopes of coming closer, Cypher takes Kitai on a routine ranger trip that makes a very not routine crash-landing on Earth, leaving the father-son duo stranded and in Cypher’s case, dangerously crippled. It’s up to Kitai, with guidance from his emotionally and geographically distant father, to overcome the fear-filled memories of his sister’s death (played in flashbacks and hallucinations by Zoë Kravitz), survive the wild, untamed creatures and extreme temperature changes of our former home, and retrieve a help beacon in the tail end of the ship. It’s worth noting that their ship was also carrying one of their alien enemies, and considering the very fake-looking plastic rock it was trapped in, it’s likely on the loose.

Frankly, no one is put in a place to succeed in this thinly veiled Smith family vanity project (Will came up with the story and produced it with his wife Jada). The elder Smith, one of the most charismatic and natural on-screen stars Hollywood has to offer, forces himself into a role that drains him of any life. Some actors find the depth in cold, emotionless characters. Smith simply comes off as dull.

He then hands most of the film over to Jaden, who isn’t ready to be the star the family business is pushing him to be. Someday he might, but in "After Earth," none of the emotions ring true, and his drab performance continually threatens to fade into the background (his bizarre, uselessly color-changing spacesuit almost does it for him).

Then there’s the much-maligned director. Despite the surprisingly fake, poorly conceived sets and props – the $130 million budget produced one rubbery-looking future – his execution really isn’t abysmal. He has a decent visual eye with the overgrown Earth landscape, and a late cave chase sequence has a mildly intense (and much needed) kick.

It’s just not the kind of material Shyamalan is best suited to direct. His successful earlier films were intimate, carefully paced, moody horror-thrillers. I’m not against him trying new things, but big budget action still seems like a mystery to him. He has no feel for the pacing and fails to create any sense of adventure, wonder or excitement. Kitai encounters all sorts of raging baboons, hungry jungle cats and monstrous birds that would even intimidate Gandolf's eagle friends from "The Hobbit," but it all feels boring and ponderous.

Part of the problem is he’s working with a struggling screenwriter: himself. Gary Whitta ("The Book of Eli") is credited as a co-writer, but the dreadfully self-serious speeches about overcoming fear and the stiff, barely human interactions scream Shyamalan. Most of the dialogue, especially anything coming from Will Smith, ends up insultingly holding the viewer’s hand through what’s happening on screen. "Your naviband is our only means of communication," the elder Smith states, stopping just short of saying, "I sure hope it never breaks" and winking at the camera. He’s less Fresh Prince of Bel Air and more Tired Prince of Blunt Force Storytelling.

Everyone involved seems to be trying to made "After Earth" work, but they can’t fix the fact that the project is made of square pegs wedged uncomfortably into round holes. It’s fitting that Jaden is hunting for a help beacon in the movie because the whole feature needs someone to come by and save its creators from something far more dangerous than ferocious baboons and aliens: themselves. 

Matt Mueller Culture Editor

As much as it is a gigantic cliché to say that one has always had a passion for film, Matt Mueller has always had a passion for film. Whether it was bringing in the latest movie reviews for his first grade show-and-tell or writing film reviews for the St. Norbert College Times as a high school student, Matt is way too obsessed with movies for his own good.

When he's not writing about the latest blockbuster or talking much too glowingly about "Piranha 3D," Matt can probably be found watching literally any sport (minus cricket) or working at - get this - a local movie theater. Or watching a movie. Yeah, he's probably watching a movie.