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Almost time to get jerky.
Almost time to get jerky.

The Standard hosts city's first "jerk off" contest

MKE Underground is a series that focuses on the grittier aspects of life in Brew City. In respect to younger readers, OnMilwaukee will publish these sassier stories after 9 p.m.

No, it’s not that kind of contest. Geez, people, get your minds out of the sewer. This contest is all about a different kind of meat … jerky!

"This event was created with a couple of guys, drinking some beers and talking about their love of jerky, so we decided, what the hell, let's give it a whirl," says event organizer and bar manager Heidi White.

The event takes place on Sunday, Feb. 26 from 1 to 5 p.m. at The Standard, 1754 N. Franklin Pl.

Participants can dry or smoke jerky from any kind of meat, but it must be made from scratch – no store-bought jerky allowed. They must also make enough for people to sample.

To sign up for the contest, go to this Facebook page and leave a comment for White or Standard co-owner Steve Gilbertson.

As White says, "Who doesn't love jerky?"

Femmes fans gotta sing.
Femmes fans gotta sing. (Photo: Royal Brevväxling)

Fan requests Femmes' show without audience singalongs

During my 15-plus years at OnMilwaukee, I’ve had people write to ask me for bar and restaurant advice, tickets to concerts and festivals, behind-the-scene tours and connections to prominent Milwaukeeans. And that’s fine. I help when I can.

Recently, however, I received my favorite Milwaukee request of all time, sent via Facebook Messenger.

"Dear Molly," wrote my Facebook friend. "Just one time in my life, I would love to hear ‘Add it Up’ (by the Violent Femmes) without the f*cking crowd singing along. Seriously, I don’t ask for much."

Most Femmes’ fans accept that when songs from the first self-titled album are performed live – "Good Feeling" possibly excluded – it’s completely acceptable to belt out a few "why can’t I gets" or "kiss off into the airs." I mean, c’mon, these songs are our coming-of-age anthems. They mean more to us than some of our relatives do.

At the same time, I like the idea of people not singing along with shows because often it’s really annoying. And it sometimes leads to over-hugging between friends, extensive beer spillage and nostalgia-based hook ups.

The thing is, singing along with live bands is also really fun – especially if you have a few drinks under your belt and it’s the song you lost your virginity to or the one that totally defines your relationship with your ex. I mean, in these cases, how can you not?

"Hallo," says Pooh.
"Hallo," says Pooh.

5 sweet pearls of wisdom from Pooh on Pooh Day

There's plenty to ponder about Pooh, like why he's a little dopey at times and what he has against pants, but the chubby yellowish bear is full of sweet, earnest knowledge. For anyone feeling a little blue this week, and because it's National Winnie The Pooh Day, these are for you. 

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Drinking and bowling have always been a preferred mix.
Drinking and bowling have always been a preferred mix.

For the wine-drinking bowler who has everything

Tis the season for Milwaukee merriment and BMO Harris Bank is bringing you happy holiday stories all season long.

I am not really wine drinker (don’t tell my Italian family or Bobby Tanzilo) and I certainly don’t have "everything," but I do like bowling and quirky appliances. That said, when I received this electric wine opener in the shape of a bowling pin, I was instantly smitten – and suddenly inspired to pick up a bottle or five of wine.

The bowling pin, made by WineOvation, comes with a charger than’s guaranteed to open 35 bottles of wine after charging for six-to-eight hours. I will report back on this.

I did a quick Amazon search, and this item, if purchased today, could make it via Amazon Prime by Friday. (As of the time of this post, of course.) So, if you're looking for a last minute gift for that wine drinker who has everything or that bowler who's a total wino, it's available.

To bastardize a line from "The Great Lebowski," this would really tie the bar together.