By Dave Begel Contributing Writer Published Aug 24, 2010 at 5:09 AM

In the matter of Fantasy Sports vs. the Real World, the bench recognizes the prosecution.

Thank you, your honor. I am here today to represent the people of America in their battle against the creeping menace known as fantasy sports. I want to present to the court the case for discouraging people from playing fantasy sports.

Let me begin by outlining the malady caused by fantasy sports known as conflicted loyalty.

Imagine, if you will, the difficulties presented to a Packers fan who finds himself with, say, Jay Cutler, the Chicago Bears' quarterback, on his fantasy team. Then comes the reality week when Cutler and the Bears actually play the Packers. If Cutler has a great game, the fantasy fan is very happy. If he throws interceptions, loses fumbles and generally makes a fool of himself, then the reality version is very happy.

Either way, there is misery. It's unhealthy to have a situation where when you win you lose and when you lose you win.

Another thing that you have to watch out for is the fact that the word "fantasy" is so passé and out of date. The "in" thing today is "reality" not "fantasy."

Take a look at all the reality television shows. You never hear about fantasy television shows. Even a show like "The Bachelor," which with 31 women wanting to jump the star's bones is every guy's fantasy, is called a reality show, not a fantasy show.

It's critical to also note the people who play these fantasy sports and those who don't.

Here's a typical Sunday for non-fantasy man: Wake up and check his e-mail and the weather. Find a pair of spikes in the back of the closet. Find the torn shorts last worn last year. Get in the car and throw the fast food wrappers in the back seat. Pick up a buddy and go to the park. Play football. Rain and/or snow make it better. He wipes the blood off his hands. Get to the bar in time for red hot wings, cold beer and kickoff. Sit near the cute chicks wearing cut-off referee shirts.

Here's Sunday for a fantasy football fan: Mom wakes him up with a gentle knock on the door, a bowl of Malt-O-Meal and a cup of hot chocolate. Put ironing board up and iron a pair of navy blue Dockers and a matching shirt, purchased as a complete outfit from Sears.  Boot up all four computers in his room while making the bed and tucking all the corners in tight. He aligns the three posters on his wall -- Bill Gates, Janet Reno and Don Shula -- so they are all the same height. He tests the headphones on your computer by playing "Fly Like an Eagle" over and over. Next, he runs a test of the baby monitor connected to his mother in the kitchen before putting blank Excel spreadsheets next to each computer, along with a dozen sharpened No. 4 pencils. Finally, he calls his mom and orders two turkey dogs with mayo for the first quarter.

It's pretty clear that we ought to encourage the red-blooded All-American guy to keep his stuff together while letting the Malt-O-Meal guy fade away into the sunset.

Another reason why fantasy sports is a road filled with bad turns and roundabouts that lead to nowhere: Bernard Berrian or Wes Welker?

Dave Begel Contributing Writer

With a history in Milwaukee stretching back decades, Dave tries to bring a unique perspective to his writing, whether it's sports, politics, theater or any other issue.

He's seen Milwaukee grow, suffer pangs of growth, strive for success and has been involved in many efforts to both shape and re-shape the city. He's a happy man, now that he's quit playing golf, and enjoys music, his children and grandchildren and the myriad of sports in this state. He loves great food and hates bullies and people who think they are smarter than everyone else.

This whole Internet thing continues to baffle him, but he's willing to play the game as long as OnMilwaukee.com keeps lending him a helping hand. He is constantly amazed that just a few dedicated people can provide so much news and information to a hungry public.

Despite some opinions to the contrary, Dave likes most stuff. But he is a skeptic who constantly wonders about the world around him. So many questions, so few answers.