"Bar Month" at OnMilwaukee.com is back for another round! The whole month of February, we're serving up intoxicatingly fun bars and club articles -- including guides, bartender profiles, drink recipes and even a little Brew City bar history. Cheers!
As OnMilwaukee.com Bar Month approaches last call, there's just enough time for a few more ridiculous and irresponsible articles about booze consumption.
We've already talked swilling beer from cans, bottles and taps, but what about totally unique ways to get your drink on?
Here are eight ideas we've seen or heard of, and we deliberately didn't include the "alcohol enema" because it sounds too gross and too dangerous. Of course, this list completely disregards the notion of safe or responsible drinking, so exercise self-restraint when trying these at home (and if you must try them, try them AT HOME. Don't drive drunk). And if we missed any, please add your own ways using the Talkback feature below.
Beer bong -- The magic of gravity makes beer drinking more fun. All you need for a beer bong is a funnel, some tubing and beer. Make sure the pourer is as high as conditions will allow (relative to the drinker, of course). Pour a can or two of beer into the funnel, and let nature take its course.
Edward 40 Hands -- This gimmick barely makes the list, as it's technically the same as drinking out of a bottle. Best suited for Halloween, though festive any time of the year, a buddy duct tapes a 40-oz. bottle of malt liquor to each of a drinker's hands. The idea is to wrap them tightly enough that the drinker can't do anything with his appendages until the bottles are consumed. Juvenile? Yes. Hilarious? Most definitely.
Keg stand -- Something about drinking upside down is just more festive; A favorite at both frat parties and weddings alike. Find two buddies who will hold your legs. Then, stick the hose in your mouth, grab on to the keg and do a handstand. Try to drink upside down from the keg for 10 seconds while your friends cheer you on and onlookers shake their heads in judgmental shame.
JELL-O shots -- Just add vodka to your gelatin mix for a time-tested recipe for insanity. Keep in mind, though, that while JELL-O shots taste weak, they pack a mighty punch. But they're also absorbed more slowly than liquid booze, so don't eat an entire tray because you don't feel anything at first.
Shotgun (can or bottle) -- Anyone who's seen "Animal House" knows how to shotgun a can of beer. It's easy but messy: jab a hole in the side of a can, the lower the better, using a pen or a knife. Then, with your mouth over the hole, pop the top and start drinking. Chances are about half the beer will empty all over your shirt. A lesser-known, but way cooler way to shotgun a beer is through the bottle. Take a straw and wave a lighter over the top-third. Bend the straw into the shape of a seven, and make sure you can breathe through it. Then, put the long end of the straw into the bottle, with the short end folded over the side. Put your mouth over the bottle opening, with the short end of the straw sticking out. Tip back the bottle and watch its entire contents magically shoot down your throat in about two seconds. It's entirely possible to perform this party trick without spilling a drop.
Tiramisu -- Easily the highest calorie to lowest alcohol ratio you'll find, though it's technically possible to catch a buzz from eating rum-infused desserts. On the other hand, you might be more full than drunk after you eat an entire cake.
Upside down margarita -- This trick is best performed when your participating bar or party has access to a barber's chair, but in a pinch, a simple folding chair will do. The gist is that the pourer mixes the margarita right in the drinker's mouth. It's an inexact science, and involves a lot of swirling and wild gesticulation. Unless you're in Cancun, one experience with the upside margarita should hold you for years, if not for a lifetime.
Vodka in watermelon -- Fruit is really absorbent, so if the JELL-O shots and tiramisu just whet your appetite for eating booze, you can try this picnic favorite. Just cut a hole at the top of a watermelon and jam a bottle of vodka up in there. Eventually, all that distilled goodness with soak into your fruit, leaving it ready for any summertime family-friendly occasion.
