New kiddie cocktails, 2008
The "kiddie cocktail" -- also referred to as the "mocktail" -- really hasn't changed much over the past few generations. Even though most youngins probably haven't heard of Shirley Temple or Roy Rogers, they remain the only well-known non-alcoholic drinks.
Kiddie cocktails are, traditionally, a combination of soda, grenadine and marachino cherries. The Shirley Temple calls for ginger ale or white soda, and the Roy Rogers is mixed with cola. The Shirley Temple -- which was invented by a Los Angeles bartender for the child star who found herself in bars quite often -- sometimes has orange juice in it.
It's surprising that, over the years, more child stars weren't immortalized in the form of a virgin beverage. As a kid in the '80s, I would have totally slurped down a cold "Gary Coleman" -- maybe even chased it with a tasty "Tabatha-tini" -- while noshing at a supper club with my parents. Little folks today would probably get more excited over some sort of "Dora" drink rather than one named after a now 80-year-old woman.
And while some may say that kiddie cocktails are just a crazy straw's distance from future alcoholism, others see them as benign fun. So, in the spirit of the latter opinion, we've compiled a tongue-in-cheek list of potential new-school kiddie cocktails. Feel free to add your own by using the talkback feature.
Boyhattan -- You've heard of the "Manhattan," but if that boozy concoction could breed, he'd be having himself a little Boyhatten. Instead of whiskey or brandy, this one might feature something less potent like root beer -- and whatever else you have in the fridge or cabinet that could be a substitute for the vermouth.
Goo-goo gimlet -- If ever there was a goo-goo gimlet it would include white soda served in a sippy cup with something gooey floating in it. Perhaps a marshmallow?
Hot Toddler -- You could go a variety of ways with this one, but most likely it involves a lukewarm cup of milk or caffeine-free tea with a drizzle of honey.
Jake & Ethan -- No one names their kids "Tom" or "Jerry" anymore, so the "Jake & Ethan" seems more appropriate for the times. Basically, it involves the traditional Tom & Jerry ingredients -- sans the jigger of rum and brandy. Since it's made with eggs, cinnamon, powdered sugar and vanilla, all you have to do is float a mini pancake on the top of this drink or sink a vitamin to the bottom of this bad boy and you've got a dandy breakfast alternative.
Mojito-ito -- Non-Spanish speakers may not know that anytime you add an "ito" to the end of something, it means "little." Alas, this tiny version of the popular mojito might feature a cup of white soda and a bunch of mint leaves floating in it. If your kids don't do leafy greens, you could just add something else that's green. We'll leave that one up to you.
Pina Kidlada -- This one's simple: Just a cup of pineapple juice with a cherry and pineapple garnish. Feel free to somehow incorporate the pineapple-dwelling SpongeBob Square Pants into this one, but unfortunately, little Joey's probably too young to serve it with a "get leid" joke on the side.
Slippery Nipple -- There's no need to change the name on this popular shot. Fill a shot glass with breast milk and suck 'er down.
Treasure Island ice tea -- Since the non-alcoholic Long Island Ice Tea is an oxymoron -- made with five different kinds of liquor -- we're not even going to try to suggest this drink is similar to its alcoholic big brother. Instead, this tot-friendly island tea might involve caffeine-free ice tea or green tea and maybe a few "treasures" floating in it, like fruit snacks. Ideally, it should be drank with a hook hand.
Yeah, get those kids on the hooch as fast as you can!
3 comments about this article.
Post a comment / write a review.
Disclaimer: Please note that Facebook comments are posted through Facebook and cannot be approved, edited or declined by OnMilwaukee.com. The opinions expressed in Facebook comments do not necessarily reflect those of OnMilwaukee.com or its staff.