Colonic experience is more than a pain in the butt
Because the writer's job is to write about what he or she knows, it's sometimes necessary in this profession to experience something you probably wouldn't do in your personal life in order to write an accurate story.
For example, in 1959, John Howard Griffin ingested large doses of an anti-vitiligo drug and spent days under an ultraviolet light to darken his skin tone so he could write the highly acclaimed book "Black Like Me." In late 2007, Current TV journalist Kaj Larsen volunteered to be water-boarded to help viewers understand the controversial torture technique.
And today, in order to write this article, I got a colonic.
Colonics -- also called colonic hydration and colon hydrotherapy -- are slightly controversial. They are not as controversial as water torture, but generally, health care providers have different opinions on their effectiveness. Most Western doctors do not believe colonics provide healthy benefits, but colonic practitioners say a variety of illnesses stem from an accumulation of fecal matter in the large intestines.
Colonics might help with constipation (some from prescription drugs), carbohydrate indigestion, diarrhea, gas, bloating, hemorrhoids, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, diverticulitis, colitis, parasites, skin conditions such as psoriasis, shingles and eczema, inability to lose weight, scar tissue and adhesions from surgery.
I have none of the above, but heard that colonics are good for proactive health, that you feel really "clean" afterwards and you might loose a few pounds and / or have a flatter stomach. This was enough for me to give it a whirl.
Milwaukee isn't loaded with colon hydro therapists. (OK, I realize I just used the verb "loaded," but from this point forward, I am going to try not to include poopy plays-on-words in this article.) Eventually, I found a few names online and in the phone book, and made an appointment with Sue Domer who runs a business called Nature's Balance.
When I arrived for my colonic, I filled out a medical form and chatted with Domer about my diet and bowel movements. Then, she brought me to a room that looked like a small massage room, with a table and, among other items, a large plastic container. I removed my jeans and undergarments, laid down on the table and covered up with a sheet. Then, Domer came in, inserted a lubed proctoscope in my rear, and almost immediately replaced the proctoscope with a tube that was connected to the container.
For my colonic, Domer used the Woods Gravity Force Method. Most modern colon therapists use machines to administer a colonic, but Domer prefers the old school method which features a large container propped above the person getting the colonic, allowing gravity to direct the water downward and into the person's anus.
"Some of my clients have said they get a more complete release through (the Woods system)," says Domer, 52, who was certified in colon hydrotherapy 20 years ago through the Woods Hygienic Institute in Kissimmee, Fla. (The school was in Illinois when Domer attended.)
At first, I felt water flowing into my lower gut for about five minutes (and this varies from person to person), followed by warm liquid coming out of my body. This, I was told, is stool. Throughout the course of the colonic, Domer switched between injecting cool water and draining out the warm watery waste.
In some settings, colonic clients can actually see the feces flow through the tube, but because of the set-up of the room I was in, I didn't actually see my waste. I admit I was slightly curious, like after I used ear candles and had to unroll the tip of the candle to check out the Milk Dud-sized ball of wax that came out of my ear. Gross, but oddly fascinating.
I felt slightly uncomfortable during the colonic, mostly because it feels exactly like going to the bathroom, and it felt "wrong" to be laying a table and not sitting on a toilet. A few times during the colonic, I got a bloated feeling and felt flushed, much like one does while passing a large stool on the toilet. Domer explained that I had passed a constipated stool, which is basically poop that has sat around in the colon for a long time. (Thar she blows!)
"Regular stools can come out around constipated stools," she says.
During the process, soft music and the sound of waves filled the small room. I would have preferred to hear The Butthole Surfers, but that's just my bizarre sense of humor, I guess.
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about 6 months ago, i thought i'd give the colonic thing a whirl. i was heading out on vacation that afternoon and had heard you lose like 10 pounds. haaaaaa. so i pulled up to the address from a center i found online. to my surprise it was in someones home. the woman brought me downstairs to her basement, i was getting sketched out! anyhoo, after grilling me on my eating habits and lifestyle she brought me to this room, identical to the one posted. she told me to take my clothes off and put this flannel blanket over me, i was mortified! me, in flannel! jokingly i said, "no candles, no wine, no romance, i feel so cheap" and didn't get a laugh out of this lady. its already akward enough, jesus! so, she went on to insert and told me that this is usally uncomforable for guys at the beginning. Yeah, hello! I'm gay lady. get it! She was like a deer in headlights. I mean, I wasnt wearing a tutu and heels but its usually not that hard to figure out. Anyhoo, Ms. Pooperstank began the procedure which wasnt painful, it was conversation with this lady! wtf! she kept on talking and talking but not saying anything. The point I'm trying to make is that this could be a fun experience, (perhaps a first date ice breaker) but dont let just anyone squirt some water up your butt, shop around and stay away from residential basements.
My sister and I were looking online at some stuff you drink with herbs that basically makes your poo into jell-O in your intestine and takes a week or so to flush you out, plus you can only eat broth..... this sounds way better than that!!!
One thing that wasn't discussed was the smell. Has there been any noticeable difference in aroma from the anal area? Perhaps a bit sweeter?
"They are not as controversial as water torture, but generally, health care providers have different opinions on their effectiveness." Thanks for giving some perspective on the process. No Pulizter prize for Onmilwaukee.com!
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