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Milwaukee's Daily Magazine for Wednesday, Sept. 17, 2014

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Women got the short end of the stick when it comes to facial hair.
Women got the short end of the stick when it comes to facial hair.

Mustache envy

I am so down for "Movember."

Each November, cultivating a mustache becomes prevalent not just for vintage wool sweater-wearing hipsters or pocket-protecting types, but for anyone wanting to make a statement for men's health. Furry faces raise money for causes like prostate cancer by harvesting hair below the nose.

In conjunction with causes like LIVESTRONG and The Prostate Cancer Awareness Foundation, Movember has popularized mustaches to the point of Chia Pets in their heyday. 'Staches are everywhere.

And I like what I see.

A good cause not enough for you to lay a horizontal strip in the middle of your "punim?" Be inspired by handsome, classically "'stached" fellows like Sam Elliot, Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds.

Mmm, I do appreciate some fine, fuzzy vintage lip thatch.

Can't commit to such a strong look? I'll still count the growing of any facial hair for the Movember cause.

Try the modern versions of "scruff," "5 o'clock shadow," "chops," "goatees," "beards," "handlebars" and "sole patches" as worn by David Duchovny, Jon Hamm, Colin Farrell, Hugh Jackman, Patrick Dempsey, Brad Pitt, Clive Owen, Gerard Butler and my favorite actor, (based solely on acting ability) Jason Statham.

I'm inviting them all to my Movember party.

Women got the short end of the 'stache on the facial hair tip.

Female facial hair is a missed self-styling opportunity that is epilated upon first glance of a bristle. This much-maligned condition in females is often treated with painful waxing and lasers. But, men can let their follicles procure a bevy of
sprouting hairs and groom them into various shapes, lengths and even colors.

I am fringed with jealousy for this additional ability in the male species to change their bearded expression of personal style on a daily basis. The ability to grow an all-new look in a relatively short amount of time is personal style evolution at its best.

Guys – if you have the follicular ability to rock a "Rollie Fingers," I am your worshipper.

I have moustache envy.

I say, let's boycott razors all year.

Invest in 'Stache Wax and a beard trimmer instead.

Exhibit your whisker fashion sense in a hairy way and do some good while you're at it.

Grow for it guys. Grow for it.

(There's still time to participate in Movember – check out movember.us.)

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