I am haunted by the words of the Godfather of Metal, Lemmy Kilmister, at the end of the documentary about his life, "Lemmy." I am paraphrasing, but he basically "philosophizes" about long distance romance.
He says there is no way it can work unless both partners are in the same line of work and/or both travel. His glass of Jack half empty, he states that even then it doesn't usually jive. He says the non-traveling partner can't come along on the road because that inevitably ends up disastrous and they can't stay at home and work or raise the kids, because resentment just builds up directed at the partner who is away.
Is Lemmy right? Are relationships rocked by distance unable to survive?
I live the exact scenario Lemmy describes and in fact, profession specific. My husband is a touring bass player. We are separated at least six months and sometimes/usually more each year. I just got him back for an all too short three week stretch after an extra long, three month stint of him away on tour. And somehow (and not without ups and downs) we've made it 13 years.
In my husband's line of work, the female companions tease and switch our monikers from "rock wives" to "road widows" when our loved ones depart on tour.
Whether your partner is a traveling musician, in the military or they just have frequent business trips, separation in relationships can be a challenge and raise the brows of so called "normal" couples.
Recently and quite honestly for the first time, a virtual stranger, who learned what my husband did for a living, asked me if we had an "open relationship" to cope with the distance.
The question of fidelity probably goes through a lot of people's heads when they meet someone like me, who spends a good deal of time apart from their spouse.
But, my closest friends have never begged those details. Not even in social situations lubricated by alcohol. Perhaps they assume they know the answer, but the square in me was truly shocked by this person's very personal question (which was not in any way an "invitation" for those of you wondering.)
Since the situation is so typical in musical romances, artists from every genre have sonically commented on these types of trysts. A variety of viewpoints have arisen that should be considered.
I mean, are we and should we just be living separate lives?
Cue Phil Collins' "Separate Lives:" for a musical interlude to this blog.
Please enjoy the '80s deliciousness of this video:
OK, so that's way dramatic and is more about a breakup than long distance, but I know you totally loved the Mikael Baryshnikov/Jeffrey Hines cameos.
Rock icons, KISS tenderly nailed life with one partner on the road in the song, "Beth."
Please enjoy the "unplugged" version here:
I can honestly say I've had the exact conversation Peter Criss balladeers a couple times over the years:
"You say you feel so empty
That our house just ain't a home
And I'm always somewhere else
And you're always there alone."
Interestingly, and accurately is Ozzy Osbourne's "Mama I'm Coming Home" which Lemmy actually co-wrote and was inspired by Ozzy's line to Sharon at the end of each run!!
Take a listen:
"I've seen your face a thousand times
Everyday we've been apart.
I don't care about the sunshine, yeah
Cause Mama, I'm coming home ..."
Perhaps, there IS a sentimental side to the metal legend, Mr. Lemmy Kilmister?
Of course, the previous tunes were all written before the advent of Skype, which has helped long distance couples around the globe cope with the miles. All you need is an Internet connection and a camera to keep the flame alive.
Personally, I think the time apart keeps our relationship fresh and exciting. I love having my own space and time to focus on me while he's away and then, when he comes home, we have another version of our life we live together.
I've been apart from my hubby since April ... a longer stretch than usual for us. Although I never stop being a "rock wife" even while we're apart, there is a sense of relief that comes with the end of each "road widow" phase and a sense of excitement and urgency to jam all the life that people usually spend on a day to day basis together into a condensed period of time.
I don't think anyone describes this lifestyle better than Journey as expressed in its wedding playlist favorite, "Faithfully:"
I'll let Journey explain why we work so hard to keep it together.
Here are some lyrical highlights I think say it better than I ever could.
Please feel free to sing out loud – especially the "Oh, oh, oh ... part.
"They say that the road
Ain't no place to start a family
Right down the line it's been you and me
And loving a music man
Ain't always what it's supposed to be ..."
"And being apart ain't easy on this love affair
Two strangers learn to fall in love again
I get the joy of rediscovering you..."
"Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
I'm still yours
I'm forever yours
1 comment about this article.
Post your comment/review now
Disclaimer: Please note that Facebook comments are posted through Facebook and cannot be approved, edited or declined by OnMilwaukee.com. The opinions expressed in Facebook comments do not necessarily reflect those of OnMilwaukee.com or its staff.
Recent Articles & Blogs by Lindsay Garric
Published July 25, 2014
In my eternal battle of "Bangs or Botox," bangs won yet again after months of growing out my fringe through every stage of awkwardness.
Published July 19, 2014
The Milwaukee food, music and fireworks tradition where "everyone is Italian" kicked off yesterday. Lindsay Garric had the opportunity to dive deeper into what Festa means for Italian-American culture when she interviewed Joseph Emanuele, president of the local chapter of The Order Sons of Italy in America.
Published July 15, 2014
Over the weekend, a friend posted a picture on social media that was taken at her birthday dinner with the caption "Birthday drinks with the birthday girls." I was tagged in this photo on Facebook and it has resulted in yet another episode of "everything happens for a reason."
Published July 3, 2014
Gretchen and the Pickpockets will play the Jazz Estate tonight at 9:30 p.m.
Published June 23, 2014
Try even saying the word "shorts" without the corners of your lips curling downwards and nostrils flaring. Will the weather get hot enough for you to wear shorts?
Published June 5, 2014
In this installment, Lindsay Garric gets to the specific details included in the daily training regime of a professional baseball player prepping to one day play at Miller Park.
Published May 28, 2014
On June 3, 2014 at 1 p.m., ground will break on a very special place for the families of our country's injured soldiers. Fisher House of Wisconsin will be located on the VA Medical Center grounds and will provide a "home away from home" for family members while a soldier receives medical care.
Published May 21, 2014
This is the first in minimum two-part series that will give you access into how an athlete, like a prospective Milwaukee Brewer stays strong and healthy during a rigorous schedule that often demands just one day off per month.
Published May 11, 2014
Since 1982, Kenn Miller has dazzled audiences as head of the Nicolet Theatre Department. He's the king of orchestrating every detail, so when the Nicolet High School Administration and Performing Arts Committee plotted to surprise Miller with a tribute to honor his retirement following the curtain call of his final staging of a "Midsummer Night's Dream" on Saturday, May 10, the challenge was steep.
Published May 7, 2014
The back cover of "Bring on Summer - Swim 2014" edition of the Victori'as Secret catalog brought on a whole new inner dialog for Lindsay Garric.