It's not just the current political climate that's dividing people. The black jelly bean has been doing it for years: separating otherwise harmonious groups into two opposing baskets of black-jelly-bean likers and black-jelly-bean haters.

The haters, who sometimes refer to black jelly beans as "Satan's boogers" or "fairy dung," insist that the anise-flavored confectionery is offensive in flavor and has no right to share precious bag space with tangy, saliva-increasing fruit flavors such as orange and cherry and butter popcorn. (Oh, Jelly Bellies, always have to be soooo different, don't you?)

But we black jelly bean likers feel much differently. We love the flavor in all of its forms: jelly beans, licorice, liqueur. And we secretly believe the non-likers have a less sophisticated palate than we do and probably don't like sushi or chocolate that's not sold in the check-out aisle at a chain grocery store.

One of the most contentious points in the great black jelly bean debate is over the fact we likers are known to dig through the bowl just to find the black ones. This pisses off the black jelly bean non-believers because they think that anyone who likes those evil rat spleen candies must also not wash their hands after pooping.

If only we could all get along. Sigh.