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In Sports Commentary

If the woods are flooded with people, maybe the deer will live. (PHOTO: shutterstock.com )

Occupy the Woods: A change to deer hunting in Wisconsin


Over the years I've written about various ideas to change the way the deer hunt is run in Wisconsin.

I've suggested that we allow guns but make ammunition illegal. I've suggested that we allow deer to get concealed carry permits. I've suggested mandatory excessive alcohol consumption, hunters having to blow a 3.0 on the drunk-o-meter, thereby guaranteeing they were just moments from sleep.

None of my suggestions has even made a dent, as evidenced by the 600,000 men, women and children who take to the woods, armed to the teeth and blood lust running through their veins.

I'm not giving up, though, and I think I have finally found a winner by taking a leaf from the world of street political demonstrations.

I think we should start an "Occupy the Woods" movement. You remember, of course, Occupy Wall Street. It's an example of what they call "participatory democracy." We've had Occupy Kuala Lumpur and Occupy Toronto and the Arab Spring, and other movements all over the world. But I think we could have a very successful one here.

The theory behind this is that if we flood the woods with people, even deer hunters would be reluctant to let the lead fly. Most of them don't mind murdering a lovely deer, but most of them, I'm sure, draw the line at killing other people.

It's going to be hard, you say, to get people to go into the woods to be potential targets for an orange army of gun totin' macho men?

If we make these occupy movements an organized outing for a wide variety of groups, I think we could pull this off.

Take the Boy Scouts, for example (please, take the Boy Scouts). If the woods were flooded with thousands of young boys wearing scarves it's fair to say that hunters wouldn't want to shoot any. I'd guess that the philosophies of the hunters and Boy Scouts line up pretty good.

Next we could have an outing for the Tea Party. Hunters might kind of lean toward the Tea Party, but thank goodness most of them aren't party members. And even hunters are reluctant to shoot crazy people.

Then Donald Trump could charter a huge jet to fly all the Birthers to Wisconsin to go into the woods. That same rule about crazy people applies.

And finally, one suggestion I'm a little ambivalent about. Some say we should take Congress and all state legislators into the woods and turn them loose.

The only problem I see with that one is a hail of bullets flying in order to create a mercy killing.

Talkbacks

buck | Nov. 21, 2012 at 4:52 p.m. (report)

newsflash...begel is a professional troll. responding to what he spews and/or taking any of it seriously only encourages the editors of this otherwise readable website to let him write more. just ignore him, and maybe eventually he will go away. it's perfectly reasonable for people to have pro, con or in between views of hunting for sport. however, this article fails to make any intelligent arguments whatsoever. it just resorts to name calling. so, as a legitimate opinion piece, it fails terribly. even if it fails as an opinion piece, it could have been a reasonable article if it were somewhat entertaining. however, this article wouldn't even draw a modest chuckle from the most ardent supporter of the author's viewpoint. most likely, those that agree with the author would be embarrassed that their view is being represented by such juvenile, inane ramblings. so it fails at providing insight, and it fails at providing entertainment. it's clear that it's a hack piece meant to inflame. simple trolling. an embarrassment to the website and those who read it.

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beefsupreme | Nov. 21, 2012 at 11:54 a.m. (report)

your wet dreams are probably best kept to yourself.

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littletinyfish | Nov. 21, 2012 at 11:09 a.m. (report)

"The theory behind this is that if we flood the woods with people, even deer hunters would be reluctant to let the lead fly." Maybe that was their reasoning behind that new "Sporting Heritage Bill" which allows hunting in public parks near recreational bike paths and ski trails.

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riverweb | Nov. 21, 2012 at 10:33 a.m. (report)

This artical is absurd. Not only is deer hunting a huge part of our state economy, it is vital to harvest deer for land management purposes. In suburban areas of the state, deer populations have exploded. As a biologist working for a local land conservation organization, we have seen devistating effects of the deer over-population on the understory vegetation. It is absolutely critical that deer hunting take place every year, even better if it could happen twice a year.

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beefsupreme | Nov. 21, 2012 at 9:50 a.m. (report)

I sincerely hope no one with PTSD takes this schmuck seriously.

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