Once upon a time, I met a short little guy who exuberantly shook my hand and introduced himself as "Tye Critchlow, PBA."
Tye was the Rookie of the Year in the Professional Bowling Association and, much like my soccer friends do, he spent an hour telling me how bowling was going to be the next big sport in Milwaukee as well as the rest of America.
Yeah, right.
I've got news for Critchlow. Not only is bowling not the next big sport in Milwaukee and the rest of America, it doesn't even qualify as a sport.
In fact, here are my top 10 reasons why bowling isn't and never will be considered a sport:
10. Until people passed a bunch of crazy laws you could smoke and still bowl.
9. You can drink beer, rum and Cokes, whiskey sours and wine spritzers and get chicken wing sauce on your ball and nobody thinks you are odd.
8. There are no uniforms. Most men wear double-knit pants and untucked shirts. Women wear culottes or short skirts, no matter what kind of legs they have. Sleeveless blouses are also big. And what's up with those shoes?
7. When a group of young people gets drunk by 10 p.m., they decide to go bowling because it's fun to watch their friends fall down and slide along the alley.
6. If your Wonderlic score is under 20 you can't figure out how to keep score.
5. You can't name two professional bowlers without looking it up on the Internet.
4. Bowling is too easy. Anybody can do it. Make the ball weigh 50 pounds and put 50 pins down there and then maybe we can get a sport.
3. There is no fantasy bowling league.
2. Hollywood producers tried to start "Bowling with the Stars" but Kathy Griffin, Eric Estrada, Heidi Montag, Richard Simmons, Kevin Federline, Judge Judy, Sylvester Stallone, Ricardo Montalban (dead), Tony Curtis (dead), Gary Coleman (dead) and Ron Jeremy all declined because they didn't want to associate with bowling, even if it was on weekly television.
And the number one reason bowling isn't a real sport ...
Can you say "Poker gets more coverage on ESPN."
With a history in Milwaukee stretching back decades, Dave tries to bring a unique perspective to his writing, whether it's sports, politics, theater or any other issue.
He's seen Milwaukee grow, suffer pangs of growth, strive for success and has been involved in many efforts to both shape and re-shape the city. He's a happy man, now that he's quit playing golf, and enjoys music, his children and grandchildren and the myriad of sports in this state. He loves great food and hates bullies and people who think they are smarter than everyone else.
This whole Internet thing continues to baffle him, but he's willing to play the game as long as OnMilwaukee.com keeps lending him a helping hand. He is constantly amazed that just a few dedicated people can provide so much news and information to a hungry public.
Despite some opinions to the contrary, Dave likes most stuff. But he is a skeptic who constantly wonders about the world around him. So many questions, so few answers.
