When it comes to deciding on the proper etiquette in sports regarding handshakes, we're all over the place.

On the one hand, for years I've heard football fans gripe about how much they hate players who fraternize on the field following a game with opponents.

"How dare they!" is the sentiment from most fans. "I just threw up in my mouth after watching my team lose by three touchdowns, NOW I have to watch my left tackle hug the other team's defensive end?"

On the other hand, how come fans seem to care so much about whether coaches shake hands cordially after the game? A few weeks ago, an entire news cycle was devoted to the 1.3 second grip between Bill Belichick and his protégé Eric Mangini.

It was as quick as sex with Pam Anderson, and as frosty as Hillary Clinton on a double-date.

But they shook hands. So get off their backs.

This is the NFL, where coaches aren't nearly as chummy as their college counterparts. The grim reaper in the NFL is always just a 5-11 season away, and once you get the label of "Failed NFL Head Coach" it sticks to you like tree sap.

In college, coaches will actually share game tapes, participate in summer camps together and willingly let guys steal their ideas.

In the pros, if two coaches end up on the beach in Hawaii, the first one will get up and move to another island.

So, what do you want, sports fans?

Do you want a handshake and a hug? Do you want a smile and a pat? How about a few sincere words? A few insincere words?

And how exactly should players interact leaving the field? No handshakes at all? Can players even look at one another? How about making an exception for brothers who play against each other like the Barber boys?

Look, I'm just trying to get all of this in writing, so there won't be any more "SportsCenter" specials called "The Handshake of Shame."

The NHL has a nice tradition where after every playoff series, no matter how nasty, dirty, mean, or filled with cheap shots it may have been, the warriors of the ice skate past each other and shake hands.

Of course, when Dino Ciccarelli once said of Claude Lemieux 'I can't believe I shook his freaking hand,' it sort of spoils the moment. But, hey, they shook. What more do you want?

I remember when the Detroit Pistons were beating the last clumps of stuffing out of the Celtics dynasty in the late 80's, when the Celtics just walked off the court with time still left on the clock!

Kevin McHale paused briefly to share a flexed-arm handshake with Isiah Thomas on his way out. Afterwards, McHale said he just wanted to tell Isiah and the Pistons to beat the bleeping Lakers – a team for which, both Eastern Conference dynasties had equal disdain.

I find that exchange a little hard to score, since on the one hand, leaving the court early is certainly a sporting faux pas, but the handshake and support in beating that pompous bastard Pat Riley was nice.

Last year's Super Bowl was not only marred by horrendous officiating, but also by Mike Holmgren's stiffing of Bill Cowher after the game. Holmgren said he couldn't find Cowher. Then he said he waved. Then he said he would speak personally to him and congratulate him.

Whatever. Poor Cowher stood there in his finest moment, chin out as always, awaiting a little bit of sports protocol that never came. Like the homecoming date that was stood up. Pity.

The college football handshakes are always fun to watch, since they are almost always accompanied by serious looking state troopers flanking each coach. They run alongside each field general amidst the typical post-game on-field chaos of cheerleaders, opposing players and students.

Finally, the two coaches meet somewhere near the 50-yard line, surrounded by two sets of state troopers, a throng of photogs and cameramen close in to document the moment as if it were tantamount to the Conference at Yalta.

Relax, folks. It's just a handshake.

3 comments about this article. Post a comment / write a review.

Recent Talkbacks ...

Posted by emtallen on Dec. 1, 2006 at 3:32 p.m. (report)

I was actually commenting to my wife that it is great to see football players out there shaking hands after the game. What dedication to the true meaning of sportsmanship. Now take these over paid go on strike when ever baseball players who can't stand to look in the other dugout, letalone walk out and shake hands with anyone on the other team. They sit in theirdugout and start crying around the 7th inning and then retreat to the locker room as soon as the last out happens. What does this say about our steroid pumping egotistical freinds in baseball? What about the former teammates they had, former coaches they had? Guess that is considered a bad break-up.

Posted by AJStanislaw on Dec. 1, 2006 at 9:43 a.m. (report)

What about golf. They shake hands at the end of tournaments right? Lets talk about that.

Posted by sandstorm on Nov. 29, 2006 at 4:19 p.m. (report)

and with that column, czabe is officially out of ideas.