{image1} Everybody who is already sick of Michelle Wie, raise your hand.

Good. I knew I couldn't be the only one.

Wie's smiling face was on ESPN when I tuned in on Sunday, and my first instinct was to wonder, "why?" Did she shoot 65? Does she have a chance to win? What is newsworthy about Michelle Wie, who has already received more column inches than any 14-year-old athlete in the history of sports?

The answer, of course, was nothing. Nothing was newsworthy about her tournament at that point. She ended up playing pretty well, made the cut and finished T12. But the one and only nugget of info I was seeking in that interview she did with Kenny Mayne, wasn't even discussed. What had she shot on Saturday, and how far back of the lead is she?

Instead, Mayne asked her about why she's not playing on her high school golf team (duh) and when she would turn pro and makes scads and scads of endorsement money (ugh).

Hey, how 'bout that?

But she's only 14, Czaban! Isn't that amazing!!!

No. Not any more. I'm over the whole "she's only 14" thing. The golf ball doesn't know she's only 14 when she hits it 290, so what does it matter? (Or is her legend now up to 330 off the tee? That number seems to keep going up.) Physically, Wie has already arrived. She's 6-foot now. Are they expecting her to be 6-4 and 220 by age 18 so she can hit it 390?

Put simply, she's a very good 14-year-old golfer. Period. That's all. There are many other very good teenage girl golfers out there. Including Aree Song who just turned 18. She finished second to Grace Park at the Nabisco Championship this year, and 5th in the US Open as a 17-year-old last summer.

Morgan Pressel qualified for the U.S. Women's Open when she was 12. Twelve!

But Wie is somehow the chosen one, as ordained by the media. She's tall! She's cute! She's nice! And she wants to play with the boys on the PGA Tour! You go girl, shrieks the media!

Wie's father has been very smart in regard to how he has marketed his daughter. He hasn't merely settled for the "I think she can dominate the LPGA Tour" angle. Because there's not a dime to made in that. No, the whole playing the PGA Tour thing is the "hook" that gets most of the non-golfing press drooling with the thought.

"Ooooh! Think how cool that will be! She'll probably someday play at the Masters! And imagine Hootie's face then!"

The more she talks smack about how she only wants to play with the men, the more that ESPN, 60 Minutes, Real Sports and the rest of her unpaid marketing team comes running for an interview.

And the price her father will name for Nike to sign her to a Tigresse like contract keeps picking up zeroes.

So, sure. dream the dream, people. Fact is, Michelle Wie will NEVER hold a PGA Tour card. Oh, she may play in some PGA Tour events through sponsors exemptions, and may even make a check if she's hot. But as for earning her card through the 5 round hell that is the tour's "Fall Classic" (Q School), no chance. None. N-E-V-E-R.

The one thing that non golfers in the press cannot grasp, is that there are legions of players out there who are incredibly talented, and yet still can't come close to being on the PGA Tour. From the Nationwide Tour, to the European Tour, Asian Tour, Austrailia, Florida and California mini-circuits, college golf, the list goes on and on. What separates these guys from card carrying Tour members? Probably four or five putts a week, and perhaps three swings per round. That, and the icewater in the veins of true golfing killers who are battle tested and choke resistant.

And, do me a favor - call me when Michelle Wie actually wins something. You know, like holds a trophy over her head, not just makes the cut. And don't say "but wait, she's only 14!" I say, if she really thinks she can someday hold a bona fide PGA Tour card, then why shouldn't she EXPECT to win LPGA events as a 14 year old? If she waits until she's 18 to win on the LPGA, then she'll just be another Aree Song.

And trust me, Aree Song ain't getting on ESPN.

The four-letter-network has a vested interest in pimping Wie at every chance, because they are co-conspirators in the construction of these teenage "phenoms." Wie is no longer just a player to keep an eye on, she's a marketing concept unto herself.

Good results are nice, especially wins. But for now, totally unnecessary. After all, "she's only 14!" Which will quickly change into "she's only 15" and then "she's only 16" and so on, until that "hook" no longer hooks us.

For now, she's "famous for being famous" as the saying goes. And it's all good for her. I suspect that ESPN didn't have to twist any arms to get Michelle on TV. Her spot with Mayne just another 4-minute long unpaid product placement for her future bankability.

In other words, the very day that Michelle Wie is paid lots of money to sell you something, her handlers want to make damn sure her face is familiar to you already.

Prime the pump.

Don't get me wrong, I am not rooting against Wie so much as I am rooting against the idiots in my profession who either don't play golf, or just don't care that they are actively helping this girl and her dad line their pockets even further.

In the words of Jack Nicholson as Col. Nathan Jessup in the movie A Few Good Men: "You want Wie on that cereal box, you need Wie on that cereal box, and if she's not going to be on it, then who is? Aree Song?"