By Matt Mueller Culture Editor Published Aug 04, 2013 at 1:36 PM

In the first scene of "2 Guns," Bobby and Stig (Denzel Washington and Mark Wahlberg) exchange banter while sitting in a small, desert town diner and scoping out a bank. Stig winks at their cute waitress. Bobby notices. Cue snarky exchange. Bobby prepares to tip. Stig notices he’s barely leaving anything. Cue new snarky exchange.

This goes on for a couple of minutes before ending with the guys dramatically walking away from a fireball because that’s just what people do in action movies.

The dialogue in these opening moments is pretty quick, and our two stars deliver it with enthusiastic relish. Midway through the exchange, however, I realized that their little repartee was snappy and sharp without actually being particularly snappy or sharp. It was just the usual tough guy talk with a new layer of paint over it and two stars selling it hard.

Replace the word "talk" in the last sentence with the phrase "action movie," and extend the experience of that first scene into a 109 minute film, and that’s pretty much "2 Guns" for you.

After they’re done bantering in the diner, Bobby and Stig set off on their mission: ruthless drug lord Papi Greco (Edward James Olmos) has $3 million in a nearby bank, and they would like to make a hefty withdrawal.

The actual robbery goes smoothly, but the masked duo finds a lot more in the vault than they expected. $40 million more. As it turns out, instead of robbing Greco, they just robbed a secret CIA fund belonging to a corrupt black ops agent named Earl (Bill Paxton, half amusing, half intimidating, all goofy drawl).

The convoluted surprises don’t end there. It turns out both Bobby and Stig are actually undercover government agents. The smooth operator Bobby is actually a DEA agent hoping to cut Greco off at the knees. The cocky, fast-talking Stig is an NCIS agent stealing the money for his superiors (led by James Marsden). Despite having no trust in one another, the two must team up to find the money and return it to Earl before they share the same fate as some half-buried chickens Stig brutally put out of their misery.

Technically along for the ride is Bobby’s co-worker and secret girlfriend Deb, played by Paula Patton, but her only purpose seems to be testing the limits of the DEA’s dress code and getting naked around Denzel. She eventually gets tied up in a skimpy dress and has to get rescued too. It seems strong female characters weren’t invited to the "2 Guns" bro-down.

Blake Masters’ screenplay (based on a graphic novel) originally started as a Vince Vaughn/Owen Wilson buddy action comedy. While those two took their talents to Google, "2 Guns" picked up Washington and Wahlberg, a far fresher duo.

When the two are on screen together, either bickering or blasting at bad guys – or each other – the film gets a lot of pop from their chemistry. Washington, playing the amused straight man, has always been blessed with an absurd amount of screen charisma and presence, and Wahlberg ­(clearly in the Vaughn role) gleefully throws out profane, barbed insults like an over-caffeinated machine gun. Even when the script confuses quick dialogue for clever, the stars are still a lot of knockabout fun.

Unfortunately, the script isn’t smart enough to simply put its two guns together and let the fireworks happen. Too often, the movie becomes "1 Gun Over Here, and 1 Gun Over There," separating its stars and losing all energy in the process.

It also packs on an unnecessarily knotty yet still generic plot, filled with backstabbings and bad guys. The movie ends up weighed down, trudging when it should be picking up steam. The surprising moments of brutality – to both man and chicken – only add another heavy brick to what should be a light, sun-baked Southwestern buddy cop flick.

"2 Guns" marks Icelandic director Baltasar Kormakur’s second team-up with Wahlberg, the first being last year’s surprisingly solid smuggling/heist flick "Contraband." I like his dusty visuals and his tense, gritty eye for action, including a pretty sweet car joust between Washington and Wahlberg that involves a side door mirror as a weapon. He's one of the few directors who uses shaky cam action with the restraint to make it work.

Besides that, however, not much in "2 Guns" is particularly memorable. Washington, Wahlberg and the Southern fried Paxton bring life to the proceedings, and Kormakur even throws in a climactic explosion of money that would make Michael Bay proud.

Stars and money ‘splosions aside, though, it’s hard to escape the feeling that a movie just like it, made better or worse, will likely be coming out maybe a month or two from now. And then another one. And then another.

I’ve heard some say "2 Guns" is a nice change of pace from the bombardment of big comic book and sci-fi action movies audiences got this summer. That’s like saying Applebee’s is a nice change of pace from McDonalds. It’s just a different brand of bland. 

Matt Mueller Culture Editor

As much as it is a gigantic cliché to say that one has always had a passion for film, Matt Mueller has always had a passion for film. Whether it was bringing in the latest movie reviews for his first grade show-and-tell or writing film reviews for the St. Norbert College Times as a high school student, Matt is way too obsessed with movies for his own good.

When he's not writing about the latest blockbuster or talking much too glowingly about "Piranha 3D," Matt can probably be found watching literally any sport (minus cricket) or working at - get this - a local movie theater. Or watching a movie. Yeah, he's probably watching a movie.